Welcome to the absolute worst way to waste your afternoon. If you are digging around for time puns, you are either a dad trying to ruin a family dinner, or you need a terrible caption to ruin your social media grid. We compiled a painfully long list of time jokes to make your friends regret answering your texts. We sincerely apologize in advance.
Quick Time Puns One Liners for When You Are Running Late
You are already twenty minutes behind schedule, so let us make this fast. Just read these quick hitters while you wait for the police to pull you over for speeding.
I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
Six thirty is the best time on a clock, hands down.
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a complete waist of time.
If you eat a clock, it is very time consuming.
I wanted to buy a grandfather clock, but I didn’t have the time.
You can’t trust a clock, it always has a second face.
My clock got fired from its job, it did too much over time.
I dropped my watch on the floor, now I have a lot of free time.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
I asked the watchmaker to hurry up, but he said all in good time.
My alarm clock and I got into a fight, it really ticked me off.
I used to be a clockmaker, but I grew tired of the daily grind.
They arrested the guy who stole the calendar, he got twelve months.
Permanent Mistakes: Time Puns for Watch Engraving
Do you really want to ruin a thousand dollar piece of metal with a dad joke? If you are as stubborn as a piece of iron, here are some terrible engraving ideas.
I will love you until the end of time.
You are exactly what makes me tick.
Let us watch our future unfold, one second at a time.
I am having the time of my life with you.
Always got time for my favorite person.
You are my present, past, and future.
No need to watch your back, I am here.
It is about time we got married.
You mean the world to me, big time.
We just click, like a second hand.
Our love is timeless, unlike this watch.
I will love you even when you run out of springs.
I bought this because I wanted to buy you some time.
Hopeless Romantics Need Cute Time Puns About Love
Sending a cute text to your partner should not feel like pulling teeth. If you want to suck the romance out of the room like a vampire, try dropping one of these romantic gems.
Are you a clock? Because I want to give you all my time.
I must be a pendulum, because I am swinging for you big time.
You make my heart beat faster than a second hand.
I love you so much, it is alarming.
Our relationship is really standing the test of time.
I would travel back in time just to meet you sooner.
You are the only one I want to waste my time with.
Every second with you is a total blast.
I have been watching you, and it is time we go on a date.
I do not need a stopwatch to know my heart races for you.
We are going to have a good time together forever.
My love for you works on a 24-hour cycle.
Rated R Clock Comedy: Time Puns One Liners for Adults
We promised you something a little more mature, but do not get your hopes up. Much like our collection of dirty jokes, these are strictly for adults who still laugh at middle school humor.
Why did the clock get arrested? For strictly doing time.
What do you call a watch that is always late? A total waste of time.
How does a clock flirt? It gives you a little tickle.
Why do watches make terrible lovers? They always finish in seconds.
I took my clock to the bedroom, now we are having a really good time.
What is a clock’s favorite position? Six thirty, hands down.
My alarm clock is a real freak, it loves to go off in the morning.
Why do clocks hate winter? Their hands get totally stiff.
How do you know a clock is well endowed? Look at the size of its pendulum.
Why did the watchmaker get kicked out of the bar? He was caught winding up the bartender.
My pocket watch is like my ex, always kept in the dark.
What does a clock do when it gets lonely? It watches adult movies.
Ticking Off Your Friends With Clock and Watch Puns
There is nothing better than annoying the people who tolerate you the most. Treat your pals (or your annoying brother) to these absolute groaners.
I built a clock out of chicken wire, it keeps impec-peck-able time.
My friend threw a clock out the window, he wanted to see time fly.
Why did the guy sit on his watch? He wanted to be on time.
I tried to fix my buddy’s clock, but I lacked the time and the tools.
What do you call a grandfather clock that is always wrong? A waste of space.
My watch is so smart, it has its own face.
I gave my friend a broken watch, he said it was the worst present of all time.
Why did the pocket watch go to therapy? It had too many issues to wind up.
How do clocks greet each other? Watcha doing?
My friend’s clock only chimes at noon, it is extremely single minded.
If you wear two watches, do you have too much time on your hands?
One Word Time Puns for the Exceptionally Lazy
For those days when stringing a full sentence together feels impossible. If you are just lounging in your underwear all day, these single words will do the heavy lifting.
Timeless ⏳
Alarming ⏰
Second-hand ⌚
Watchful 👀
Ticking 💣
Wound-up 🌀
Striking ⚡
Clock-wise 🧠
Minute 🐜
Overtime 💼
Reddit Approved Alarm Clock and Second Hand Shenanigans
The internet is a weird place, and Reddit takes the cake for the most unhinged wordplay. Before you put a lock on your screen time, enjoy these upvoted disasters.
Why did the alarm clock break up with the calendar? They had no future.
Reddit told me to buy a cheap watch, now I am really strapped for cash.
What happens when an alarm clock gets mad? It completely loses its temper.
I posted a joke about a broken clock, it got right twice a day.
Why do redditors hate daylight savings? It steals their precious time.
I bought a second hand clock online, but it only came with a minute hand.
My digital clock is so arrogant, it always thinks it has the right numbers.
What is a subreddit’s favorite time of day? Upvote o’clock.
How do you fix a broken alarm on Reddit? You just turn it off and on again.
My second hand broke, now I am living in the past.
Pop Culture and Nostalgia: Adventure Time Puns
If you grew up watching a boy and his dog traverse a magical land, this section is for you. Throw on a playlist from your favorite DJ and soak in the nostalgia.
What time is it? It is Adventure time.
Are you Princess Bubblegum? Because you are looking sweet today.
I must be Finn, because I am totally lost in time.
Jake the dog always knows the right time to stretch the truth.
Ice King really needs to chill out before his time is up.
You are my favorite person in the Land of Ooo.
Marceline is cool, but her music takes up all my free time.
BMO is the only clock I would ever trust.
Lumpy Space Princess is always complaining about her screen time.
Peppermint Butler always arrives exactly on time.
Seasonal Delays and Daily Routines
The calendar dictates our lives, but that does not mean we have to respect it. Whether you are dealing with a snowstorm or checking the weather for a beach day, time stops for nobody.
Spring Time and Summer Time Puns for Fair Weather Fans
The days are getting longer, which means you have more daylight hours to regret your choices. Grab some ice cream and melt into these seasonal zingers.
I love spring, it really puts a spring in my watch’s step.
Summer time always flies by, it needs a speeding ticket.
My clock is allergic to pollen, it keeps sneezing every second.
Daylight savings in the spring is literally a crime against time.
Summer nights are great, until your alarm goes off at 6 AM.
I bought a waterproof watch for the pool, now it is having a splashing time.
Spring forward? I would rather fall back to sleep.
Summer time sadness is just realizing you wasted all your time indoors.
What does a clock wear to the beach? A watch guard uniform.
My sundial gets totally confused when it rains.
Tea Time, Lunch Time, and Bed Time Puns to Ruin Your Schedule
From the moment you wake up to the second you hit the pillow, your daily routine is ripe for mockery. Brush up on your baking skills and get ready to groan.
Tea time is my favorite, I like to sip and watch the world go by.
What is a clock’s favorite meal? A huge lunch time special.
I brought my clock to bed, I wanted to have a sleepy time.
My alarm clock hates breakfast, it always feels scrambled.
Why did the watch go to the cafe? For a quick tea time break.
Lunch time always ticks away too fast.
I tried to eat my watch for lunch, it was very time consuming.
Bed time is the only time my clock actually shuts up.
My chamomile tea said it was steep time.
If you eat cookies in bed, you are going to have a crummy time.
Killing Time: Screen Time Puns for the Chronically Online
Staring at a glowing rectangle for twelve hours a day is entirely normal behavior. If your brain feels like a ticking bomb, these tech jokes will hit close to home.
My screen time report is honestly alarming.
I tried killing time on my phone, but my battery died first.
Scrolling through memes is a great way to watch time fly.
My smart watch told me to stand up, I told it to sit down.
How do you kill time online? You open fifty tabs.
Screen time is just a fancy word for avoiding real time.
I deleted all my apps to save time, now I just stare at the wall.
My phone has an alarm, but I just use it to snooze my life away.
Why did the iPad go to sleep? It ran out of screen time.
I am practically married to my phone, we spend all our time together.
Out of Time: Ranking These Awful Puns One Liners
We have finally reached the end of this miserable journey. If you feel like you just took a puck to the face at a hockey game, we completely understand. Let us assess the damage.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes. We genuinely feel bad for wasting your precious hours on this planet with these terrible one-liners. If you are actually going to engrave one of these on a luxury watch, please reconsider your life choices. Otherwise, go torture your group chats with these horrible jokes.
Answering Your Silly Clock and Time Joke Questions
You still have questions? Really?
Fine, before the clock strikes midnight and another tick drives you crazy, here are some rapid-fire answers.
What is a good time pun for a watch engraving?
“I will love you until the end of time” is a classic, but if you want to be annoying, go with “You are exactly what makes me tick.”
How do you tell a time joke without being annoying?
You do not. The entire point of a pun is to cause emotional damage to the listener. Lean into the groan.
What are the best one word time puns?
Timeless, alarming, and ticking are your best bets if you are too lazy to form a complete sentence.
Why do dads love clock puns so much?
Because their humor is permanently stuck in the past, and they always have too much time on their hands.
Can I use these puns for social media captions?
Yes, but do not blame us when your followers decide to mute your stories.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
