Congratulations on searching for hockey puns, a hobby with somehow even lower self-esteem than the sport itself. We scraped every ice-related groan we could find off the boards for you below, and if that still isn’t enough self-inflicted damage, skate on over to the rest of our sports puns and jokes for more of the same bad decisions.
Breaking the Ice (Classic Hockey Puns to Get You Started)
These jokes are so painfully uninspired they might just freeze your brain. Try not to slip on the sheer desperation here while you analyze the humor like a bored expert who’s seen it all.
It is so ice to finally meet you.
Honestly, I give zero pucks about this game.
He got ejected and told to get the puck out of here.
I am completely board out of my mind right now.
That penalty call was incredibly cold.
You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Keep pushing it and you will be skating on thin ice.
We have to stick together to win this tournament.
They really need to stop gliding through life.
That bad pass left me completely frozen.
I cannot believe he had the stones to make that play.
Clever Hockey Puns for the Die-Hard Fan
We use the word clever very loosely here, but if you understand the rules you might chuckle. Try not to tap out laughing, the way you would at our wrestling puns and jokes.
Winning this championship is my ultimate goal.
Trading for that goalie was definitely a net positive.
The ref told them to stop stalling behind the net.
That defense is caught for icing way too often.
I am a massive fan of your aggressive forecheck.
Wow, what a spectacular save on that presentation today.
I am just taking a shot in the dark here.
They parked themselves right in the crease.
That comment bounced right off the crossbar.
You must be slap happy after staying up so late.
Bad Hockey Puns We Truly Apologize For
We genuinely considered deleting the website after writing these atrocities. Keep them locked up tighter than our pickleball jokes and puns if you want to keep your friends.
Are you a Zamboni because you are sweeping me off my feet.
I am so pucking tired of these late night games.
Don’t be a flake and miss the playoffs.
You are a real catch for any beer league team.
That insult was a completely cheap shot.
I need a vacation and a total breakaway.
She is completely out of your league.
Stop trying to pad your stats in the third period.
This whole situation is a major penalty.
Let’s drop the gloves and face the facts.
Chirping Like You Know Something (Hockey Slang, Punified)
Half of hockey slang sounds made up, so we made up jokes about it too. Consider this your cheat sheet for sounding dangerous at a bar.
A chirp is just a diss with ice in its veins.
A biscuit is what pros call the puck, and what I call breakfast.
Getting sniped means someone stole your shot and your dignity.
A dangle is a fancy move, or how I hold my coffee.
Top cheese means top shelf, and also a dairy pun waiting to happen.
A sauce pass is smooth, buttery, and completely showing off.
Getting pancaked is a save so flat it belongs on a griddle.
A barn is just hockey slang for the rink, no farm animals invited.
A hat trick is a goal, an assist, and a fight, which is basically my Tuesday.
Getting stapled to the boards sounds worse than my last job review.
A snipe is a goal so clean it should be illegal.
Sweating on the Turf (Funny Field Hockey Puns)
For those who prefer their concussions on solid ground rather than ice. It is basically the same cardio disaster as our golf birthday puns, just with more turf burn.
I always field good after a heavy win.
That corner shot was absolutely pitch perfect.
This rivalry has turned into a massive turf war.
The grass is always greener on the offensive half.
That post-game party was a real shin dig.
You really need to get a grip on your stick.
Scoop there it is.
It is all in the flick of the wrist.
These conditioning drills drive me completely crazy.
Let’s just pass the time until the final whistle.
Sent Top Shelf (Short Hockey Puns and One-Liners)
Do you have a painfully short attention span? These quick hits melt faster than your motivation during our gym puns for lifters.
Oh, fuck off.
That is totally ice.
Have a good stick.
What an epic save.
She is a goal digger.
Just another rink rat.
That is a hat trick.
Need a power play.
Time to face off.
Absolute slap shot.
Shooting Your Shot (Valentines Day Hockey Puns)
Nothing says true romance like comparing your significant other to a vulcanized rubber disc. We recommend sharing these with your group chat instead, same as our Super Bowl puns collection.
I pucking love you so much.
Will you be my goal mate forever?
You completely sweep me off my feet.
I am totally stuck on you.
We just click like a tape job.
You are absolutely top shelf material.
My heart is forever in your crease.
It was totally love at first skate.
You are my beautiful sudden death.
I definitely want to check you out.
Asking Them Out (Hockey Puns for Prom)
Teenagers are already awkward enough without adding sports-themed wordplay to a promposal. Do not blame us when they reject you as hard as our volleyball puns and jokes reject good taste.
Will you tackle prom night with me?
Let’s stick together at the dance.
Be my ultimate prom goal.
I would be crushed against the boards if you said no.
Don’t put me in the penalty box tonight.
I am taking a massive shot asking you to prom.
Let’s slide into prom on the ice.
Let’s make it a hat trick of dances.
Working up the puck to ask you out.
Prom with you would be an absolute sweep.
Keeping It Clean for the Kids (Family-Friendly Hockey Puns)
We know, we know, most of this list would get us banned from a school newsletter. Here’s a batch we can actually say in front of a nine-year-old without a permission slip.
You are ice to meet you, kiddo.
Let’s stick together as a team.
Great googly-moogly, what a goal!
You’ve got serious puck skills.
Keep your stick on the ice.
That was a slap-happy good time.
You are on a roll, roll, roll!
Way to skate through that drill.
What a save, superstar!
Let’s puck around at recess.
You are the coolest kid on the block, literally.
Blowing Out Candles Without Teeth (Hockey Puns Birthday Edition)
Another year older means another year closer to needing dentures just like the pros. Raise a chipped-tooth grin and celebrate aging with maximum cringe.
Have a truly ice birthday today.
Let’s get completely pucked up tonight.
Have a slapping good time at your party.
It is officially your hat trick year.
Please stick around for the birthday cake.
Another year older, zero pucks given.
I hope you keep your teeth this year.
You are aging like a fine Zamboni.
Goal big or go home for your birthday.
We are celebrating in the crease tonight.
World’s Okay-est Referee (Father’s Day Hockey Puns)
Nothing says “I love you” quite like comparing your dad to a piece of ice-related sports equipment. Here’s your card, already written.
Happy Father’s Day to my favorite goalie of life’s shots.
Dad, you are the original power play.
Thanks for always covering my defense, Dad.
You are one slick Zamboni of a father.
Dad jokes hit harder than a slap shot.
You taught me to never get iced out.
World’s okay-est referee, world’s best dad.
Love you a whole rink’s worth, Dad.
You always know how to stick handle a crisis.
Dad, you are absolutely top shelf.
Thanks for never putting me in the penalty box, mostly.
The Social Media Sin Bin (Best Hockey Puns Captions)
Your followers already mute your stories, so you might as well give them a valid reason. Lock in these captions and kiss your social life goodbye.
Just chilling on the ice 🧊
Zero pucks given today 🏒
Only top shelf vibes 🥅
Living that dirty rink life ❄️
Catching feelings and catching pucks 🥅
Always stick to the master plan 🏒
Certified goal digger 💰
Sweeping the haters like a Zamboni 🚜
Getting face off ready 😤
Feeling entirely slap happy 😆
Naming Your Fantasy Team (Hockey Puns Short Names)
Your fantasy draft is doomed anyway. You might as well cook up the most annoying team name in the league along with your terrible roster.
The Puck Dynasty
A Bunch of Zamboni Baloney
Complete Ice Holes
The Goal Diggers
Mighty Ducks in a Row
The Slap Shot Callers
Toothless Wonders
The Penalty Boxers
Hat Trick Ponies
Serious Net Profits
Tabletop Glory and Holiday Cheer (Air Hockey Puns and Christmas Hockey Puns)
Combining family holidays and aggressive arcade games is a recipe for disaster. We are just providing the soundtrack while you inhale dessert by the fire.
Wishing you glide tidings of comfort and joy.
You are the air apparent to the table throne.
These cousins are absolute tabletop terrors.
Have a very merry Puck-mas.
Time to deck the rinks with boughs of holly.
Watch out for Santa’s vicious slap shot.
We are just hovering around the Christmas tree.
Time to puck the halls.
Do you want to build a Frosty the Goalie?
Waiting for the puck drop on Christmas morning.
The Final Buzzer
9.5/10 Cringes.
You made it to the end, which says more about your terrible taste than it does about our writing. If you actually enjoyed this torture, go dig through the rest of our sports puns and jokes and ruin someone else’s day too.
Why Are You Googling Bad Hockey Puns? (And Other FAQs)
Why do hockey players make terrible comedians?
Because their jokes always end up in the penalty box.
What is a ghost’s favorite hockey position?
The ghoul-ie.
Why was the hockey rink always sweating?
Because the fans were blowing on it.
How do hockey players stay cool during summer?
They stand next to the fans.
Why did the hockey puck refuse to cross the road?
Because it was afraid of getting slapped around.
Why is the number 69 banned in the NHL?
It isn’t banned so much as heavily side-eyed. Teams tend to skip it because commentators would never make it through a broadcast without cracking up, and neither would we.
What’s the difference between a good chirp and just being mean on the ice?
A good chirp rhymes, references someone’s skating, and gets the whole bench laughing. Just being mean gets you a seat in the penalty box and zero style points.
Why do hockey fans yell “pizza” during a game?
It’s rink slang for a sloppy giveaway, the kind of turnover so cheesy it deserves its own delivery fee.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
