You actually typed “butt jokes” into a search bar, and we are the sad individuals who wrote an entire article to satisfy that craving. We have completely abandoned our dignity to bring you this tragic list of bottom-tier humor. Please lower your expectations immediately.
📑 Choose Your Own Apology
The Classic “Guess What” Conundrum
We are starting with the absolute lowest hanging fruit because we have zero respect for your time puns and even less respect for ourselves. These are the jokes you hated in second grade, and you will hate them even more now.
Vintage Chicken Butt Jokes We All Despise
Guess what? Chicken butt!
Guess why? Chicken thigh!
Guess who? Chicken poo!
Guess where? Chicken hair!
Guess when? Chicken hen!
Guess how? Chicken cow! (Look, none of this makes sense).
Guess what else? Chicken melts!
Expanding the “Guess What Chicken Butt” Universe
Guess what’s next? Dinosaur butt!
Guess what’s up? Puppy butt!
Guess what’s wrong? Baboon butt!
Guess what’s cooking? Fried chicken butt!
Guess what’s new? Pigeon butt!
Squeaky Clean Butt Jokes for Kids
If you are trying to entertain children without getting a phone call from their teachers, this section is for you. They are as harmless as dog puns and completely free of actual humor.
Harmless Bum Jokes One-Liners for the Playground
What do you call a butt that plays music? A toot-horn.
What did one cheek say to the other? Between you and me, something smells.
Why did the butt sit on the joke book? It wanted to crack a smile.
What is a butt’s favorite math subject? Geome-tree (because of the logs).
What is a butt’s favorite vehicle? A dump truck.
What did the couch say to the butt? You crack me up.
Clean Funny Butt Jokes That Will Not Get You Grounded
Why did the toilet paper cross the road? To get to the bottom of things.
What do you call a bear with no teeth and a big butt? A gummy bum.
Why are butts so good at keeping secrets? They always hide things behind your back.
What is a butt’s favorite movie? Bottom Gun.
How do butts greet each other? Nice to seat you.
Why did the butt go to school? To get a little smarter behind the scenes.
Big Booty Roasts and Fat Butt Jokes
Sometimes you just need to drop some brutal bomb puns on your friends. These are ruthless, uncalled for, and highly immature.
Brutal Big Bum Jokes and One-Liners
Your butt is so big that when you walk backwards, you beep like a dump truck.
Your butt is so massive it has its own zip code.
I tried to take a picture of your butt, but my phone needed a panoramic lens.
Your bum is so huge it literally has a gravitational pull.
Are you carrying a backpack under your shirt, or is that just your glutes?
Your butt is so big it requires a wide load sign in traffic.
“Nice Butt” Jokes That Are Basically Just Insults
Nice butt, did you buy it at the upholstery store?
You have a nice butt, it is a shame it takes up two seats on the airplane.
Nice butt, are you hiding a pair of watermelons back there?
Your butt is so big it could double as an emergency flotation device.
I would compliment your booty, but it is taking up all the room in this conversation.
Girl Butt Jokes (Proceed With Extreme Caution)
Girl, your butt is so big it completely blocks out the sun.
Your butt is like a planet, it orbits its own solar system.
Is your name Google? Because your butt has everything I am searching for.
Your booty is so thick it needs a table of contents.
Girl, your bum is like a dictionary, it adds definition to the room.
Flat Butt Jokes for the Horizontally Challenged
For those who suffer from negative curves, we are so sorry for your loss. Feel free to use these iron puns to roast the pancake-bottomed individuals in your life.
Small Butt Jokes (The Pancake Edition)
Your butt is so flat you could easily use it as an ironing board.
Where did your butt go? Did you accidentally leave it in your other pants?
Your butt is so flat it looks like two walls hugging.
Are you sitting on a pancake, or is that just your rear end?
Your bum is so flat it could slide completely under a closed door.
I have literally seen more curves on a standard ruler.
Your butt is like a totally deflated balloon.
Did someone steal your padding, or is your butt just on an extended vacation?
Your butt is so small it makes a thumbtack look thick.
You have a negative butt, it actually folds inwards.
Your jeans look like they are hanging on a wire hanger.
I would make a flat butt joke, but there is simply nothing to grab onto.
Plumbers, Cracks, and Sore Bums
Nothing says high comedy quite like a grown adult bending over a sink. Brace yourself for some breezy weather jokes and terrible gap humor.
The Ultimate Butt Crack Joke Collection
Why are plumbers always so incredibly rich? Because they deal with a lot of cracks and banks.
What do you call a terrible joke about a butt crack? A split decision.
Why did the earthquake hit the plumber directly? It was naturally attracted to his fault line.
What do you see when a tall plumber bends over? The grand canyon.
Why did the guy aggressively stare at the wall? He was searching for the crack.
What is a plumber’s favorite magic trick? The disappearing crack act.
Sore Bum Jokes for the Painfully Unlucky
Why was the butt crying loudly in the corner? It just had a really crap day.
What do you call a sore bum on an angry cowboy? A saddle sore loser.
Why do bums absolutely hate spicy food? Because the ring of fire is an actual medical condition.
What do you tell a complaining sore butt? Just grin and bear it.
Why did the guy bring a pink donut cushion to the office? Because his boss was a massive pain in the butt.
What is a sore bum’s favorite classic song? Hurt by Johnny Cash.
Dirty Butt Jokes You Should Keep Off LinkedIn
If you say these out loud at the office water cooler, HR will definitely want to have a chat with you. Keep this filthy dark humor jokes dirty energy to yourself.
Savage “You Bum” Jokes and Mature Roasts
You are such a bum, your entire career is flushing straight down the toilet.
I would call you a smartass, but that would be a severe insult to your intelligence.
You are the sole reason toilet paper has to work overtime.
I am completely tired of your crap, go wipe your own mess.
You are exactly like a bad fart, completely unbearable to be around.
Some people are bottom feeders, but you are literally just a bottom.
“I’ll Settle for Some Butt Jokes” (When You Hit Rock Bottom)
I will only settle for some butt jokes when my life finally hits rock bottom.
Why do we constantly tell dirty butt jokes at parties? Because the clean ones are just plain boring.
What actually happens when two butts get into a fist fight? They just violently moon each other.
Why do butts make such terrible corporate lawyers? They always talk directly out of their asses.
What is a tired butt’s absolute favorite drink? Booty sweat.
Why did the aggressive butt get arrested downtown? For blatant public indecency.
Nerdy Cheek Humor and Trivia
For the intellectuals who somehow ended up on this page, here is some calculating math valentines puns and crossword puzzle nerdiness.
Solving the “Butt of Jokes Crossword” Clues
What is a four-letter word for the butt of a bad joke? Fool.
What is a five-letter word for your bottom? Glute.
What is a six-letter word for the absolute end? Bottom.
Why did the old crossword puzzle solver laugh out loud? He finally found the punchline at the rear.
What do you call a highly educated, nerdy butt? A literal smart ass.
Why do butts hate doing Sunday crosswords? There are just way too many empty boxes.
What is the absolute easiest crossword clue about a butt? A massive pain in the rear.
How do you spell butt completely backward? T-t-u-b (it makes no sense, but neither do we).
Why did the dictionary decide to include butt jokes? For the true definition of lowbrow humor.
What is a nerdy butt’s favorite piece of punctuation? The colon.
Why We Wrote These Butt Jokes (And Why We Are Sorry)
Congratulations, you made it to the end of the worst page on the internet. We rate this collection a solid 10/10 Cringes. We feel dirty for writing it, and you should feel weird for reading the whole thing. Do yourself a favor, close this tab, clear your browser history, and go outside.
The Butt Jokes FAQ (Because You Still Need Answers)
Are chicken butt jokes still funny?
No, they stopped being funny in 1998, but we still force our kids to listen to them anyway.
What is the best comeback for a flat butt joke?
Just tell them your butt is perfectly aerodynamic for running away from their terrible personality.
Can you get fired for telling dirty butt jokes at work?
Absolutely. Do not test HR. They do not think your toilet humor is cute.
Why is bathroom humor so popular?
Because maturity is a myth and deep down, everyone still has the brain capacity of a twelve-year-old.
