Searching for Thanksgiving puns is a clear sign that you have completely given up on having a normal conversation at the dinner table. If you want to ruin the holidays and events for everyone around you, we apologize in advance for what you are about to read. Copy these terrible jokes, send them to your family group chat, and prepare to eat your turkey in absolute silence.
Some jokes are universally terrible enough to work in almost any holiday situation. If you are avoiding political debates with your uncle or just need an excuse to leave the room, these one-liners will clear out the living room faster than New Year puns in January.
I am officially on feast mode.
Let us give thanks and pass the drinks.
My family is completely plucking crazy.
I came, I saw, I stuffed my face.
This dinner is absolutely baste in class.
We are having a gourd time tonight.
Nobody is allowed to touch my leftovers.
I am entirely too full to function.
Keep calm and gobble on.
You are the apple of my pie.
It is time to get basted.
I am just here for the carbs.
Eat, drink, and wear stretchy pants.
I am running on pure gravy at this point.
Stop, drop, and pass the rolls.
Short Thanksgiving Puns For Quick Group Chat Replies
Texting during dinner is already rude, but replying with terrible wordplay makes it an actual crime. Use these short jokes to immediately shut down any Halloween puns still lingering in the group chat from last month.
Baste behavior only.
Talk turkey to me.
Fowl play.
Pure poultry in motion.
Yam good.
Squash the drama.
So corny.
Pie love you.
Getting sauced.
Absolute gobbledygook.
Carb loading.
Butter late than never.
Pass the wine.
Gravy train.
Let us get stuffed.
Turkey Puns That Should Be Pardoned
The main course deserves a little respect, which is exactly why we are subjecting it to the worst wordplay imaginable. These turkey jokes are so dry you will definitely need extra gravy, much like the speeches at most wedding events.
The police suspected fowl play in the kitchen.
That bird has a terrible fowl mouth.
I am going to have to wing it this year.
He really knocked the stuffing out of that argument.
The guest speaker was a fantastic turkey-note presenter.
We are experiencing a severe winter feather advisory.
Do not be such a jive turkey.
This meal is the tur-key to my heart.
I am quitting cold turkey tomorrow.
How does a turkey drink wine? From a gobble-let.
He was acting like a total pecker.
That is a technical fowl.
Crossing a ghost and a bird gets you a poultry-geist.
You just have to roast the competition.
The bird was looking a little plucked up.
Food, Pie, And Side Dish Puns To Ruin Dinner
Carbohydrates are the only reason anyone actually shows up to this meal. Before you slip into a food coma on the couch, ruin the ambiance of your housewarming events and family gatherings with these carbohydrate-themed tragedies.
We are experiencing the silence of the yams.
I yam what I yam.
I yam completely stuffed.
I only have pies for you.
You wanna piece of me?
Make a piece offering.
Cry me a river, then bake me a pie.
We finally see pie to pie.
This sweet potato casserole is a-maize-ing.
My star sign is Pie-sces.
All hail the pump-king.
My favorite sport is pumpkin squash.
You are the apple of my eye.
Let us give them something to taco bout, wait wrong holiday.
The potatoes crossed the sea on gravy boats.
I ordered my sides from Yam-azon.
This green bean casserole is completely casser-rolling out of control.
Everything is all gravy baby.
Clean Thanksgiving Puns For Kids And Family
Entertaining children at the kids’ table requires an endless supply of completely harmless, agonizingly silly jokes. Keep them occupied with this wholesome wordplay before they start asking for snowman jokes two months too early.
What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing, wing.
What instrument does a turkey play? The drumsticks.
Why did the turkey cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you call a sad cranberry? A blue-berry.
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
What is a pumpkin’s favorite genre? Pulp fiction.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
What happens when turkeys get in a fight? They get the stuffing knocked out of them.
Why did the pie go to the dentist? Because it needed a filling.
What kind of key cannot open doors? A tur-key.
What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach cobbler.
Why do turkeys love rainy days? They love the fowl weather.
What do little pumpkins cross the road with? A crossing gourd.
Why are turkeys good at math? Because they know how to count their feathers.
Dirty Thanksgiving Puns For Adults Who Know Better
Sometimes the wine kicks in and you decide to make everyone at the adult table deeply uncomfortable. These suggestive jokes are inappropriate enough to get you uninvited next year, which is honestly the ultimate goal for most anniversary events and holiday dinners anyway.
Let us get basted in the kitchen.
I like my turkeys with big breasts.
Do not forget to stuff it properly.
Just pluck my life right now.
I am ready for the meat sweats.
Show me your casserole.
Let us talk about the birds and the bees.
Keep your hands off my thighs.
I am bringing the sauce tonight.
That is one hot bird.
Who is ready for some dark meat?
Stop playing with your drumsticks.
I have a massive food coma coming on.
Do not be a tease, pass the cheese.
I am completely plucked up right now.
Clever Thanksgiving Puns For Greeting Cards
Sending a physical card in the mail is a lovely gesture that gets completely undermined when you write something this stupid inside it. Your relatives will appreciate the postage stamp much more than the actual message.
Wishing you a gourd time today.
Hope your day is butter than expected.
You are my favorite turkey.
Sending you lots of pie and good vibes.
I am deeply thankful you put up with me.
Much obliged for the feast.
May your pants be stretchy and your heart be full.
Gratitude is the best attitude.
Hope your family drama is squashed.
Have a simply a-maize-ing holiday.
Wishing you peace, love, and poultry.
You are the gravy to my mashed potatoes.
Have a very happy Thanks-living.
Sending a little piece of my heart.
I yam so grateful for you.
Thanksgiving Puns For Work Emails And Office Slack
Corporate communication is already exhausting without adding holiday-themed wordplay to the mix. Drop one of these into the office Slack channel and watch human resources instantly schedule a meeting about your behavior.
Let us touch baste after the holiday.
I am circling back to the stuffing.
Please advise on the gravy situation.
Let us take this offline and get stuffed.
Per my last email, the turkey is frozen.
We need to leverage our cranberry assets.
Hope you have a very productive food coma.
Out of office, currently in feast mode.
Let us pivot to the pie strategy.
Moving forward, we need more carbs.
I am synergizing with the mashed potatoes.
Please confirm receipt of the casserole.
We have reached maximum bandwidth for dinner.
Let us drill down on these leftovers.
Awaiting final approval on the dessert menu.
Thanksgiving Puns For Marketing Campaigns
Brands love trying to sound relatable online by using terrible holiday jokes to sell random products. If you manage a corporate social media account, please accept these captions as a formal apology to your followers.
Gobble up these massive savings.
Deals so good you will need stretchy pants.
Feast your eyes on this new collection.
Do not let these discounts fly the coop.
We are serving up the best prices of the year.
Prices have officially been slashed, just like the turkey.
Get a slice of the action.
These offers are absolutely stuffed with value.
We yam practically giving things away.
Do not be a turkey, shop early.
Grab these deals before they get basted.
Our prices are entirely plucking insane.
Give thanks for free shipping.
Harvest the rewards today.
The holiday rush is officially in motion.
Dog Thanksgiving Puns For Your Favorite Pet
The dog is the only family member who will never judge you for eating four plates of mashed potatoes. Reward their loyalty by taking a cute picture and captioning it with something they cannot read.
My dog is a total turkey.
Bone appétit, little buddy.
He is begging for that baste.
Such a good boy waiting for scraps.
Paws-itively stuffed.
Drooling over the gravy train.
I am absolutely mutt-s about Thanksgiving.
Will sit for turkey.
Barking up the wrong tree for leftovers.
Just a hound dog looking for ham.
You look very fetching in that sweater.
Do not terrier self up over the calories.
Give the dog a bone, literally.
My furry little sweet potato.
A truly paws-ome holiday feast.
Corny Thanksgiving Dad Jokes And Riddles jokes
Fathers have a biological need to ruin comfortable silences with questions nobody wants to answer. These riddles are scientifically formulated to induce heavy sighing and aggressive eye rolls.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
What do you call a sarcastic turkey? A smack talker.
Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field? He wanted mashed potatoes.
What happens when you overindulge? You get the dessert sweats.
Why did the biscuit cry? Because its mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a runner dressed as a bird? Fast food.
Why did the gravy boat sink? It took on too much sauce.
What smells the best on Thanksgiving? Your nose.
Why was the chef late? He ran out of thyme.
What do you get if you cross a turkey with a centipede? Drumsticks for everyone.
What side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Why do pilgrims have trouble keeping secrets? Because they keep spilling the beans.
What do you call a ghostly bird? A poultry-geist.
Time For Leftovers And Silence
At this point, you have read enough Thanksgiving puns to ensure nobody speaks to you until December. We recommend packing your leftovers and leaving before anyone traces these jokes back to your phone. Check out our other holiday events if you feel like ruining the rest of the calendar year too.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes. Go copy your favorite terrible one-liner and traumatize your group chat.
Frequently Asked Questions About Thanksgiving Humor
People actually ask Google for advice on how to be funny in November. We have provided answers to these questions because apparently the internet cannot be trusted to handle a simple dinner party.
Are Thanksgiving jokes appropriate for the office?
Corporate Slack channels barely tolerate normal conversation, so dropping a poultry joke is a massive risk. Keep it clean, avoid insulting the catered food, and never send a pun directly to human resources.
What is the best time to text a turkey pun?
The ideal moment is right when the family group chat is arguing about who has to pick up ice from the store. A terrible joke will instantly unite everyone in their annoyance toward you instead.
How many food jokes are too many for a family dinner?
If your relatives are actively putting down their forks to glare at you, you have reached the limit. Usually, one gravy pun is enough to trigger heavy sighing from across the table.
Can I write corny puns in a holiday card?
You can write whatever you want, but remember that physical cards stay on people’s refrigerators for a month. Your bad wordplay will be silently judged by houseguests until the new year.
Why are dad jokes so popular in November?
Fathers require a defensive mechanism to survive hours of in-laws and cooking delays. Dad jokes fill the uncomfortable silence while everyone pretends the turkey is not dry.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
