Wedding puns are exactly what happens when true love collides with an open bar and a microphone. You are probably searching for something mildly funny to post, say, or write down, which is why we are publishing these jokes about celebrating major events.
Please just copy the one you need and step away from the keyboard before someone gets hurt.
Captions need to be short so people can scroll past your professional photos and get back to watching videos of raccoons. Use these quick one-liners when your brain has officially stopped working after twelve hours in formal wear.
I am totally knot playing around.
This whole marriage thing has a nice ring to it.
I will love you for butter or worse.
It is finally time to dew this.
Officially off the market and onto each other’s nerves.
I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We are pitcher perfect together.
My whole heart is tied up right now.
I aisle be there for you.
We go together like cake and icing.
I am completely smitten with my new roommate.
Let’s get ready to stumble.
We have decided to merge our streaming accounts.
This is the best merge since highway traffic.
I found the person who annoys me the least.
We make a pear-fect couple.
I love you from my head to my vows.
You are the only person I would share my snacks with.
I plan to annoy this person for the rest of my life.
We are just two peas in a very expensive pod.
Our love story is my favorite plot twist.
Wedding Puns For Speeches And Best Man Toasts
Writing a speech is terrifying, especially when you know half the room is only listening because they are waiting for the catering staff to bring out the entrees. Drop a few of these jokes, raise your glass, and return to your seat before they cut your microphone. If you somehow survive this, you might eventually need anniversary puns next year.
A toast to the newlyweds, because I have literally run out of roasts.
Marriage is becoming best friends with the person who constantly steals your blankets.
The groom is a great guy, but let’s be honest, the bride really stole the show.
I am not crying, I just have a little bit of wedding in my eye.
They say marriage is a workshop. He works, and she shops.
Why did the scarecrow get married? He was outstanding in his field.
How do astronomers get married? They planet perfectly.
What did the accountant say at the altar? “Till debt do us part.”
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married? The reception was excellent.
I was going to tell a joke about a broken pencil, but it is pointless at a wedding.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same annoying person.
I am just here for the free alcohol, but the vows were okay too.
Let’s give a round of applause to the new husband, who has finally learned how to say “Yes, dear.”
They say love is blind, but marriage is an absolute eye-opener.
I always knew these two would end up together, they are both equally stubborn.
Here is to a lifetime of love, laughter, and agreeing on what to watch on Netflix.
The best part of this wedding is clearly the open bar.
May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old-fashioned enough to last forever.
I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and very short lines at the DMV.
You two are basically a matched set now. No returns allowed.
Cheesy Wedding Puns For Greeting Cards And Guest Books
Standing in line to sign a guest book while holding a glass of champagne is a recipe for terrible handwriting and blanking on what to say. Just copy one of these incredibly cheesy lines so you can move along to the buffet. Once they buy a place together, you can reuse this energy with housewarming puns.
You two are a pizza my heart.
Life is definitely gouda when you are together.
I hope your marriage is as sweet as this fondue.
You guys are the mac to my cheese.
Wishing you a marriage that is always grate.
You two make a very brie-lliant couple.
There is absolutely muffin better than seeing you two tie the knot.
I am nacho average wedding guest, but I am thrilled for you both.
You are the apple of each other’s eye.
We are totally nuts about the two of you.
I love you both from the bottom of my tart.
I hope your future is incredibly bright and cheesy.
This wedding is going to be legend-dairy.
You two are a matcha made in heaven.
Words cannot espresso how happy I am for you.
Have a berry happy life together.
You both look absolutely radishing today.
I have a huge crush on this couple.
Let’s taco ’bout how awesome this wedding is.
I am so-y happy you finally got married.
Wedding Cake And Food Puns To Survive The Reception
Let’s be completely honest with ourselves about why we agreed to wear uncomfortable shoes on a Saturday. We are here for the food, the drinks, and the dessert table. These jokes will hold you over until the servers finally bring out the midnight snacks.
Sip, sip, hooray!
Eat, drink, and be married.
I love you a waffle lot.
You are the avocado to my toast.
Donut ever let me go.
You make miso happy.
This reception really took the cake.
Even the cake is in tiers today.
I am totally baking on a lifetime of happiness for you two.
You butter believe this is a great party.
Let’s raise a glass to the perfect pair.
I am just here to get my just desserts.
Our love is baked to perfection.
You are the icing on my wedding cake.
We go together like champagne and literally anything else.
Thanks for pudding up with my dancing.
I am totally whisked away by this romance.
You two take the biscuit.
This love story is totally sweet.
Let’s get toasted in honor of the bride and groom.
Dog And Cat Wedding Puns For The Furry Ring Bearer
Putting a tuxedo on a golden retriever is arguably the best part of modern matrimony. If the couple decided to let their pets walk down the aisle, these animal jokes are legally required for the photo dump.
This wedding is absolutely paws-itively perfect.
I am entirely mutts about the two of you.
You guys are looking quite fetching today.
This is the most purr-fect day ever.
You two are not just married, you are meow-rried.
I love you right down to the bone.
Let’s raise the woof at this reception.
They are going to have a tail-wagging good time.
No one is kitten around, this is true love.
It is time to unleash the celebration.
You have totally collared my heart.
I am having a howling good time at this wedding.
We are going to party until we are dog-tired.
Thanks for throwing us a bone and inviting us.
This marriage is the cat’s pajamas.
They are definitely the leader of the pack now.
I am feline very emotional during these vows.
Just a couple of love bugs getting hitched.
Engagement And Ring Puns To Announce The Big News
You finally got the ring, and now you have to post a photo of your hand in front of a blurry scenic background. Skip the overly emotional paragraph and use one of these wordplays instead. Eventually, you will be looking for baby shower puns, but let’s survive the engagement phase first.
Does this ring make me look engaged?
I finally found my rock.
He liked it, so he put a ring on it.
I am officially changing my last name to yours.
We have decided to play for the same team forever.
I said yes to the stress of wedding planning.
My hand feels a little heavier today.
It is about time we made this official.
Pop the champagne, I am changing my last name.
We are locked in for life now.
I guess I have to delete my dating apps now.
Two less fish in the sea.
We decided to become an official tax bracket together.
I found my lobster, and he came with a diamond.
This is definitely the best Monday ever.
We are trading our personal space for a shared closet.
I am engaged to my favorite person to do nothing with.
Let’s get this planning party started.
I cannot wait to be your incredibly annoying spouse.
We are ready to tie the knot and cut the cake.
Wedding Puns For The Bridal Party And Groomsmen
You paid entirely too much money for a dress or suit you will only wear once. The least you can do is get a good social media post out of it with your friends. You have not coordinated this much clothing since high school, so you might as well channel those prom puns all over again.
I am honored to be your maid of mischief.
We are basically the bride’s personal security detail.
Groomsmen: because someone has to make the groom look good.
We suit up nicely when we are heavily supervised.
I am just here to hold the dress when she goes to the bathroom.
The only thing tighter than these dresses is our friendship.
We are the ultimate bridal brigade.
I solemnly swear I am up to no good at this bachelor party.
Bride tribe checking in for duty.
We put the party in bridal party.
Groom’s crew, ready to stumble.
I cannot believe they trusted us to walk down an aisle.
We are the designated drinkers tonight.
Keeping the groom from running away since 2010.
Bridesmaids for a day, best friends for life.
We clean up surprisingly well for a group of degenerates.
Here comes the bride, and her incredibly stressed assistants.
We are basically professional groomsmen at this point.
I am the best man, which means my speech will be the worst.
Squad goals unlocked at the altar.
Funny Wedding Puns For Party Favors And Welcome Signs
Every wedding needs a rustic wooden sign covered in cursive font and a table of small gifts nobody actually needs. If you are going to hand out customized hand sanitizer or matches, at least write something clever on the label.
We are mint to be (for breath mints).
Let love sparkle (for sparklers).
Spread the love (for jam or butter jars).
Our love is a perfect match (for matchbooks).
Meant to bee (for honey jars).
Let love grow (for seeds or succulents).
Pop it like it’s hot (for popcorn bags).
Thanks for making our day so sweet (for candy).
Love is brewing (for coffee beans).
You hold the key to my heart (for bottle openers).
We are totally nuts about you being here (for almonds).
Take a shot, we tied the knot (for custom shot glasses).
In sickness and in health (for hand sanitizer).
This is going to be a soap-er wedding (for artisan soap).
We are so glad you popped by (for champagne gummy bears).
Stay cozy with us (for blankets).
Our love story is just beginning (for bookmarks).
Nerdy And Themed Wedding Puns For Non-Traditional Couples
Not everyone wants a traditional ceremony with string quartets and beige table runners. If your ceremony involves lightsabers, golf clubs, or dinosaur cake toppers, these themed jokes will fit right in. Some of these sound suspiciously like Halloween puns, but we will allow it.
Yoda one for me.
May the divorce never be with you.
Our love is absolutely dino-mite.
You are the Obi-Wan for me.
I love you to the Death Star and back.
We are a hole in one together.
I am never going to fore-get this day.
This marriage is right on par.
You have cast a spell on my heart.
We are officially a perfect player two scenario.
I love you more than my WiFi connection.
Our love is completely out of this world.
You are the droid I have been looking for.
I would cross the galaxy for you.
We have officially leveled up.
Achievement unlocked: Marriage.
You are the critical hit of my life.
Let’s roll the dice on forever.
How To Make Wedding Puns With Last Names
Creating a custom hashtag out of your new last name is a modern wedding requirement. If you do not have a clever wordplay sign near the photobooth, did you even get married? Here is how to force your surname into a terrible joke.
Swap A Word: If your new name is Smith, use “#MrAndMrsSmithing” or “#SmithMeantToBe”.
Rhyme It Out: If the name is Wright, use “#MrAndMrsAlwaysWright”.
Use Common Sayings: If the name is Moore, go with “#MooreToLove”.
Play With ‘To Be’: For a name like Wood, use “#WoodYouMarryMe”.
Add An Action: If the name is Walker, try “#WalkingDownTheAisle”.
Embrace The Cringe: Do not worry if it sounds terrible. Hashtags are meant to organize photos, not win literary awards.
Time To Toss The Bouquet
That brings us to the end of our completely unnecessary collection of wedding puns. We hope you managed to find exactly the right words to survive your wedding events without completely alienating your new in-laws.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes. Please just copy the joke you need, paste it into your group chat, and politely excuse yourself to the dance floor before the DJ plays the Macarena.
Frequently Asked Questions About Wedding Humor
Before you grab the microphone and ruin a perfectly good evening, here are a few things you should know about using jokes during a ceremony.
Are puns okay for a best man speech?
Yes, but use them sparingly. One or two will get a polite laugh; fifteen will make the catering staff uncomfortable.
How do I choose a funny hashtag?
Focus on rhyming your last name or replacing a common word in a phrase. If you have to explain the joke to your grandmother, pick a different hashtag.
Can I use jokes in my vows?
You can, but read the room. If your partner is crying tears of joy, it might not be the best time to drop a joke about accounting.
What should I write in a funny wedding card?
Keep it brief, mention the open bar, wish them luck, and sign your name so they know who bought the expensive blender.
Do people actually laugh at these?
Sometimes. Mostly they groan, which is the exact response a proper pun is designed to achieve.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
