Looking out the window at terrible weather usually means you need a distraction, which is probably why you are currently looking for jokes about raining. Nature is actively trying to ruin your weekend plans, and we are here to ruin your conversations with terrible nature humor. Steal these one-liners, send them to that one friend who claims to love gray skies, and pretend the forecast does not bother you.
Short Jokes About Raining (Because You Need a Laugh Fast)
When the weather gets ugly, you do not have time to read a novel just to get to the punchline. These quick hits are designed for maximum eye rolls in the shortest amount of time.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the rain stay in bed? It was feeling under the weather.
What comes down but never goes up? Rain.
What does a book wear on a wet day? A rain quote.
How do you wash a waterproof jacket? You wait for a downpour.
Why do raindrops like to fall? Because it is better than jumping.
What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.
How does the sky pay for things? With rain checks.
Why is rain so annoying? It never knows when to dry up.
What falls often but never gets hurt? The rain.
How do you locate a lost raindrop? You just mist it.
What does the sky say before a storm? Water you doing later?
Heavy Rain Jokes for When the Sky Is Actually Falling
A light drizzle is a minor inconvenience, but a torrential downpour is a personal insult from the atmosphere. Share these heavy hitters while you watch your front yard turn into a local body of water.
I was going to make a joke about heavy rain, but it is too washed out.
Why did the man put ketchup in the heavy rain? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What happens when it rains money? You get a lot of change in the weather.
What do you call it when it rains continuously for thirty days? England.
Why did the guy walk out into the storm? He wanted to catch a bad cold.
How do you know it is raining really hard? The fish start knocking on the window.
Why did the umbrella break up with the storm? It just could not handle the pressure.
What do you call a massive downpour in the desert? A geographical error.
How bad was the rain yesterday? Even the ducks called a cab.
Why do meteorologists hate heavy rain? It ruins their golf game.
What is a flooded basement’s favorite song? Pour Some Sugar On Me.
How do you stay positive during a flood? You keep your head above water.
Dad Jokes About Rain That Should Be Left in the Cold
Fathers have an uncanny ability to stare out a window, sigh loudly, and deliver the absolute worst punchline known to humanity. This section is essentially a transcript of what happens in every suburban home during a gloomy weather event.
I bought some rain boots today, but I think they were a wash.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the umbrella? He really made a splash.
I asked my dad if it was raining outside, and he said it was definitely not raining inside.
Why do dads love thunderstorms? It gives them an excuse to check the gutters.
What did the dad say when the storm stopped? Well, that cleared things up.
I tried to catch some fog earlier, but I mist.
Why did the dad put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash for a rainy day.
What is the king’s favorite kind of precipitation? Hail.
Did you know rain makes you taller? Actually, that is just a tall tale.
Why do trees hate rain? Because it leaves them wet.
I stepped in a puddle today, and my dad told me to reflect on my choices.
Dumb Rain Puns and Knock Knock Humor for Captions
You took a moody photo of a coffee cup next to a wet window, and now you need words to make it look intentional. These punny options will distract everyone from the fact that you have not left your couch all day.
Let us just call it a rain check.
Water you doing on this rainy afternoon?
I am totally precipi-dating this weather right now.
Current mood: 100 percent chance of staying inside.
Knock, knock. Who is there? Water. Water who? Water you doing standing in the rain?
Knock, knock. Who is there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it is pouring out here!
Knock, knock. Who is there? Hail. Hail who? Hail to the chief of complaining about the weather.
Knock, knock. Who is there? Hurricane. Hurricane who? Hurry cane you open the door, I am soaked.
Just trying to weather the storm over here.
Puddle jumping is my cardio.
I have got a lot of pent-up precipitation.
Having a splashing good time avoiding my responsibilities.
Animal Puns for When It Rains Cats, Dogs, and Poodles
Someone decided long ago that bad weather should be compared to household pets falling from the sky, which makes absolutely no sense. Naturally, we are honoring that bizarre tradition with a bunch of terrible animal punchlines.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
What do you call a bear caught in a storm? A drizzly bear.
Why do owls refuse to go out in the rain? It is too wet to woo.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
Why did the horse carry an umbrella? Because of the light mane.
What do you call a wet puppy? A soggy doggy.
How do bees travel in the rain? They take the yellow jacket.
Why did the cow refuse to stand in the rain? She did not want to be a milkshake.
What do cats wear when it pours? Purr-coats.
Why are fish so smart during a storm? Because they are in schools.
How do birds stay dry? They just wing it.
Stormy One-Liners to Text Your Friends During a Downpour
When your group chat is complaining about a ruined Saturday, hitting them with a solid one-liner is the only appropriate response. They might stop replying, but at least you entertained yourself.
I am so tired of the rain, I am about to storm out.
If anyone needs me, I will be inside until April.
The weather forecast is officially just water.
I would complain about the rain, but it is already pouring it on.
My umbrella is doing its best, but we are both falling apart.
Let us cancel everything and blame the sky.
The rain is really pouring salt in the wound today.
I am not made of sugar, but I still refuse to go outside.
The sky is crying, and honestly, same.
Trying to locate my motivation, but it washed away an hour ago.
I consider walking to my car in this weather an extreme sport.
Cloud and Lightning Puns That Strike Without Warning
You cannot have a proper downpour without some atmospheric drama backing it up. Combine these cloud jokes with some shocking lightning humor for the ultimate terrible weather combination.
What does a cloud wear under its raincoat? Thunderwear.
Why did the cloud date the fog? Because he was so down to earth.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two is company, three is a cloud.
How do you wrap a cloud? With a rainbow.
Why was the lightning bolt in trouble? It was grounded.
What is a cloud’s favorite musical instrument? The thunder drum.
Why are storms so good at networking? They have great lightning-speed connections.
How does a cloud tie its shoes? With a lightning bow.
What do you call a cloud with a bad attitude? A grumble-storm.
Why did the storm fail its driving test? It kept hydroplaning.
What do lightning bolts wear to work? Shock-ing outfits.
Work Appropriate Weather Jokes for Awkward Office Elevator Rides
Small talk in the workplace is already painful, but adding wet shoes to the mix makes it unbearable. Use these perfectly clean, mind-numbingly safe jokes to fill the silence until you reach your floor.
Nice weather for ducks, assuming the ducks have umbrellas.
I tried to save some paperwork from the rain, but it was a total washout.
The commute today was practically a swimming lesson.
Why did the employee bring an umbrella to the meeting? He heard it was going to be a brainstorm.
I guess the sky did not get the memo about our outdoor lunch.
My coffee is the only thing keeping me from melting in the drizzle.
We should probably expense some flippers for the parking lot.
The weather is really dampening the team spirit today.
I am expecting a promotion just for showing up in this downpour.
Good thing our deadlines are waterproof.
I would complain to HR about the weather, but they are stuck in traffic.
Sarcastic Comebacks for People Who Love the Rain Too Much
We all know someone who aggressively claims that gray, wet days are “cozy” and “aesthetic.” When they start romanticizing the fact that your socks are soaking wet, shut them down with these replies.
Yes, it is very cozy being trapped inside with nothing but my own thoughts.
I am so glad you find my ruined shoes aesthetically pleasing.
Oh, you love the rain? Go stand in it for twenty minutes and report back.
Wow, you are so deep and mysterious for enjoying a puddle.
I too love arriving at my destination looking like a drowned rat.
Please, tell me more about how this gloomy nightmare is good for your plants.
If I wanted to be wet and cold, I would take a terrible shower.
Congratulations on successfully romanticizing bad weather.
I am sure your aesthetic Instagram story will totally fix the flooding.
Cozy is just a fancy word for refusing to admit you are bored.
I cannot wait to hear how this weather matches your soul.
Rain Jokes for Kids That Won’t Make You Groan Too Loud
Children love jumping in muddy puddles, which means you are going to be doing a lot of extra laundry. You might as well distract them with some innocent humor while you throw their ruined clothes in the washing machine.
What falls but never breaks? The rain.
Why did the kid put his bed outside? He wanted to sleep like a log in the rain.
What is a raindrop’s favorite game? Puddle jumper.
What did the ground say to the rain? You crack me up when it is dry.
How do raindrops clean their faces? With a wash-cloud.
Why was the drop of water acting so lonely? Because it was a single drop.
What do you call a wet snowman? Funny snow jokes will tell you it is just a puddle.
Why did the sun get mad at the rain? Because it stole its shine.
What does a puddle wear to a party? Splashy clothes.
Where do raindrops keep their money? In a snow bank.
Seeking Shelter From These Terrible Puns
Hopefully, these jokes about raining gave you something to do while waiting for the sun to return. You can now close your browser, venture back into the wild world of nature, and apologize to anyone forced to listen to your new vocabulary.
Rating of Regret: 8/10 Cringes.
Steal your favorite one-liners, text them to the group chat, and stay dry out there.
Frequently Asked Questions About Rain Humor
The weather naturally forces people to ask ridiculous questions while staring out the window. Here are a few answers to save you a search.
Why do we say it is raining cats and dogs?
The exact origin is heavily debated, but it likely comes from ancient mythology or poor drainage systems in old cities. Either way, no actual pets are involved in a storm.
What are good captions for a rainy day?
Short puns like “water you doing” or “feeling under the weather” work best for social media. Avoid writing a long, moody paragraph unless you want your friends to worry about you.
Are dad jokes about the weather actually funny?
No, and that is entirely the point. A good dad joke about precipitation is supposed to make everyone in the room groan in absolute despair.
How do you reply when someone says they love the rain?
A healthy dose of sarcasm is the best approach. Remind them that having wet socks and ruined shoes is not a substitute for an actual personality.
Can you use these jokes at work?
Yes, keeping things focused on the weather is the safest possible elevator small talk. Just do not deliver the punchline too aggressively before morning coffee.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
