These cycling puns are going to make you question why you ever bought a bike. We have searched the darkest corners of sports humor to bring you this awful collection.
The best cycling jokes are the ones you tell someone as you pedal away from them.
If they try to chase you down to complain, just treat it like an unexpected running workout.
I really wheelie love riding my bike.
You are looking quite spoke-tacular today.
Let us pedal to the metal.
I am tired, so I might need to take a brake.
That joke was totally off the chain.
We need to gear up for the weekend.
Are you tyred of my jokes yet?
Do not let anyone steer you wrong.
I am just trying to maintain my balance in life.
You are my favorite person to roll with.
Let us stop and get a handlebar mustache.
This conversation is stuck in low gear.
I cannot handle the suspension anymore.
My bike is my truest frame of reference.
I am feeling totally pumped up today.
You really know how to shift the blame.
Let us take a spin around the block.
Short One-Liner Bicycle Jokes
Sometimes you need a joke fast before the traffic light changes green. These quick liners hit harder than a poorly timed joke at a racing event.
My bike cannot stand up by itself because it is two tired.
I got a new bike for my husband, which was a great trade.
Bicyclists make awful comedians because their timing is always a bit chainy.
A bicycle cannot hold a tune because it is missing a bell.
I quit my job at the bicycle factory because I could not handle the pressure.
Never trust a bicycle because they are always trying to backpedal.
The bicycle went to sleep because it was completely exhausted.
The bike path was closed due to a sudden spoke in traffic.
My bicycle is my best friend because it never talks back.
A broken bicycle is just a terrible walker.
I told my bike a joke, but it went over its handlebars.
Bicycles hate winter because they get cold frames.
The bike fell over because it lost its bearings.
Bicyclists love music with a really good cadence.
A cheap bicycle is a total waste of energy.
My bike is angry because someone stole its seat.
Bicycles are terrible at keeping secrets because they always squeak.
Road Bike Puns For The Spandex Crowd
Road cyclists take themselves incredibly seriously. You might want to stretch first like a gym fanatic before dropping these jokes.
You are wearing enough spandex to cover a superhero.
My aerodynamic helmet makes me look like an alien egg.
We only stop for artisanal espresso and pastries.
My carbon fiber frame costs more than my car.
I shaved my legs for an extra half-second of speed.
Do not touch my bike unless you are wearing cotton gloves.
I track every single mile on my expensive computer.
My water bottles must match my socks perfectly.
I cannot hear you over the sound of my deep-section wheels.
We are going to form a pace line and ignore all traffic.
My saddle is harder than a literal piece of granite.
I refuse to wave at people on mountain bikes.
My jersey is so tight I can barely breathe.
We only ride on freshly paved asphalt roads.
I spent three hours cleaning my drive train.
My sunglasses are larger than my actual face.
I measure my food in exact grams for the ride.
Mountain Biking Jokes For Off-Road Groans
Going off the paved path is basically an excuse to get covered in mud. If you want a cleaner sport, you should look into tennis instead.
I swallowed a bug on that last descent.
My shins look like I lost a fight with a bear.
This trail is nothing but rocks and regret.
I am currently washing mud out of my teeth.
My suspension bottomed out and so did my courage.
We call this a trail, but it is actually just a cliff.
I bought knee pads because I value my joints.
My bike weighs forty pounds and it is mostly dirt.
I lost my water bottle on that last bump.
Tree branches are nature’s way of slapping your face.
I spend more time fixing flats than actually riding.
My tires have more grip than my hands do.
I am sweating so much I created a new river.
This climb is making me question my life choices.
I just survived a completely gnarly rock garden.
My brakes are squealing louder than a scared pig.
We are going to need a bigger first-aid kit.
Funny Cycling Puns To Tell While Going Uphill
Climbing hills on a bicycle is absolute misery. You need humor to distract yourself from the burning sensation, much like recovering from a heavy boxing match.
I think my lungs are trying to leave my body.
This hill must have been designed by a total sadist.
I am pedaling backwards at this point.
My legs have officially gone on strike.
I would sell my soul for a lower gear.
Gravity is definitely my worst enemy today.
I am moving so slow that a turtle just passed me.
Why did we think this route was a good idea?
My heart rate monitor is screaming in terror.
I am going to puke right on my front tire.
This incline is a personal attack on my character.
I can see the summit, but it is a total mirage.
My chain is making some very concerning noises.
I have completely forgotten how to breathe air.
Who decided putting a road here was smart?
I am running purely on caffeine and spite.
Just leave me here for the local buzzards.
Tour De France Puns To Use Every July
Watching people suffer on bicycles in France is a weird summer tradition. We watch them sprint like they are late for a swimming heat in the Olympics.
Look at them ride in the peloton of pain.
He completely cracked on the final mountain.
That breakaway has absolutely zero chance of survival.
The yellow jersey looks like a giant banana.
I spilled my wine watching the big crash.
They are riding so close they could share a baguette.
The sprinters are built like absolute tanks.
I cannot pronounce half of these French villages.
The team cars are driving like absolute lunatics.
He is suffering from a massive case of road rash.
They just handed him a tiny can of cola.
The fans on the mountain are completely insane.
He attacked when his rival was eating a gel.
That domestique is doing all the dirty work.
The time trial helmets look entirely ridiculous.
They are descending faster than my credit score.
I am exhausted just watching them on television.
Clever Bike Captions For Your Sweaty Instagram Posts
You went for a ride, so obviously you need to post it online. Otherwise, nobody would know you left the house today.
Just out here trying to keep it wheel.
Life is an uphill climb but the view is great.
Sweat is just fat crying on a bicycle.
I ride my bike so I can eat more pizza.
Helmet hair do not actually care.
My bike is my very favorite therapist.
Leave a little trail of dust wherever you go.
Happiness is found on two wheels.
I brake for coffee shops and cute dogs.
Miles are my meditation for the day.
Rolling into the weekend like a complete boss.
Bikes take you places that cars never can.
My legs are tired but my heart is very full.
Catching flights and definitely catching rides.
Powered by sunshine and a lot of caffeine.
The dirtier the bike, the better the day.
Riding away from all of my adult problems.
Romantic Bicycle Puns For Couples Who Ride Together
Couples who ride together spend a lot of time yelling at each other about directions. It is almost as stressful as a competitive game of pickleball.
You really make my wheels turn round.
I am absolutely wheelie crazy about you.
We are the perfect tandem pair in life.
I love you more than my carbon fiber bike.
You make my heart race faster than a sprint.
Let us never put the brakes on our love.
You are exactly my kind of gear.
I will always follow your slipstream.
Our love is completely off the chain.
You light up my life like a dynamo hub.
I am completely spoke-n for by you.
You sweep me right off my pedals.
We roll together through thick and thin.
I want to ride into the sunset with you.
You are my favorite drafting partner.
Life is a beautiful ride with you around.
I love you even when you drop me on hills.
Commuter Bike Jokes For The Morning Traffic Jam
Biking to work means arriving sweaty and angry at motorists. It is a terrible way to start a Tuesday morning.
I beat the bus, but I lost my dignity.
My work clothes are currently stuffed in a backpack.
I almost got hit by three different taxis.
Potholes are the city’s way of testing my suspension.
I smell awful but I saved three dollars on gas.
My lock weighs more than my actual bicycle.
I am playing a dangerous game with streetcar tracks.
Pedestrians refuse to look up from their phones.
I need a shower before my morning meeting.
The bike lane is basically a parking lot for trucks.
I got stuck behind a guy going two miles an hour.
Rain is just the sky trying to ruin my commute.
I am storing my bike next to the office printer.
My helmet gave me an incredibly bad hair day.
I ring my bell, but nobody ever actually listens.
I am secretly judging everyone sitting in traffic.
My morning coffee splashed all over my handlebars.
Punny Cycling Team Names For Your Next Charity Ride
You need a team name to print on matching shirts you will never wear again. Pick something awful to match the mood.
The Spoke Mirrors.
Chain Reactions.
Saddle Sores.
The Pedal Pushers.
Wheelie Tired.
Tour De Farce.
Gearing Up For Trouble.
The Shifting Shadows.
Brake Dancers.
Handlebar Heroes.
The Rusty Chains.
Spandex Warriors.
Cranky Riders.
The Missing Links.
Pumping Irony.
Tire Slayers.
The Freewheel Burners.
Wrapping Up Our Awful Tour Of Bike Humor
We hope these cycling puns did not completely destroy your love for the sport.
If you ever want to punish yourself again, just browse the rest of our sports hub for more misery.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes
Frequently Asked Questions About Bicycle Puns
Why are bicycle jokes so popular?
They are popular because cycling is painful, and people use humor to cope with the physical suffering. Plus, bikes have many moving parts that make for very easy wordplay.
When is the best time to tell a cycling pun?
The best time is right after your friend gets a flat tire. They will be incredibly annoyed, which makes the joke significantly funnier for you.
Can I use these puns on my local group ride?
You can use them, but you will likely be forced to ride at the very back of the pack. Cyclists have very little patience for terrible jokes during a headwind.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
