These airplane jokes are exactly what you need if you are stuck in a middle seat, fighting for the armrest with a stranger, or waiting for a delayed flight that was supposed to leave three hours ago. We know the feeling. The only thing worse than the recycled air in the cabin is the quality of the humor you are about to read.
We gathered them all, plus our full travel puns collection, to help distract you from the fact that your knees are currently pressed against your chin. Sorry about this.
Look, we know you wanted an upgrade, but this is what you get: airplane jokes one liners about as satisfying as that tiny bag of pretzels they toss at you.
This article is just plain stupid.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.
We really need to propel this conversation forward.
My career as a pilot is really taking off.
I decided to wing it with this presentation.
That joke really flew over my head.
Don’t carry on like that, it’s just baggage.
It is just a matter of altitude.
I am just here for the long haul.
That argument really won’t fly with me.
Let’s just jet out of here.
I think you have a great attitude.
We are currently in a holding pattern.
Please remain seated for the duration.
That is a terminal problem.
Pilot Jokes That Should Be Grounded
Pilots always sound so cool on the intercom, but deep down they are just dads with a license to fly. If you prefer staying on the ground, you might want to check out our train puns instead, but for now, you are stuck up here with us.
The pilot had a bad attitude, he just couldn’t land the joke.
I broke up with the pilot because I needed some space.
Being a pilot is great, it has its ups and downs.
He lost his job as a pilot because he had his head in the clouds.
The co-pilot was just the right man for the job.
Always trust a pilot, they look down on everyone.
He was a helicopter pilot, he really knew how to hover.
I wanted to be a pilot, but I couldn’t get the grades.
The pilot was grounded for being too flighty.
He was a great pilot, he always passed with flying colors.
The pilot’s favorite bagel is plain.
Never argue with a pilot, they will just take off.
The pilot went to school to get higher education.
He crashed the plane because he was too cocky.
The pilot’s jokes were on autopilot.
Airport Humor for The Terminaly Bored
The airport is a lawless place where it is acceptable to drink a beer at 7 AM and sleep on the floor while you wait out another delayed flight. If you are stuck at the gate, these jokes might help pass the time. If you are heading somewhere tropical, maybe prepare yourself with some Hawaii puns for when you finally land.
I lost my luggage, it was a total case of bad luck.
I am at the airport, just waiting for my ship to come in.
The airport security guard was very touchy.
I hate airport food, it is just plane awful.
The baggage claim is full of emotional baggage.
I missed my flight, now I am grounded.
The runway was wet, so the plane had to taxi carefully.
I am feeling a bit jet lagged today.
The airport is the only place where being pat down is normal.
I checked my bags, but they checked my patience.
The flight was delayed due to unforeseen circumstances.
I am waiting at the gate, just hanging around.
Customs officers really know how to seize the day.
Duty-free shops are a total rip off.
I am on the standby list, just waiting for a sign.
Turbulence Puns That Will Shake You Up
Bumps in the sky are terrifying, but puns about them are just annoying. If the shaking is too much, maybe you should have just driven and used our road trip jokes instead.
This turbulence is really shaking things up.
I am rattled by this flight.
Hold on tight, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Don’t lose your lunch over a little bump.
The weather is looking a bit unstable.
I am feeling a little queasy about this.
The plane dropped, my stomach flopped.
We are hitting some rough air.
Keep your seatbelt fastened tightly.
It is just a little air pocket.
Stop panicking, it is normal.
The plane is just dancing in the wind.
I am gripping the armrest for dear life.
My drink just spilled everywhere.
We are bouncing off the clouds.
Flight Attendant Jokes With Zero Service
They work hard to keep you safe and fed with tiny crackers. They deserve better than these puns, but we wrote them anyway. If your carry-on already feels like a personal grudge against you, our luggage puns will make you feel less alone.
The stewardess was nice, she really catered to my needs.
I asked for a blanket, but they covered it up.
The flight attendant was very uplifting.
She told me to buckle up, she was very strapping.
The service cart hit my knee, it was a striking pain.
I asked for water, but the service was dry.
The crew is really on board with the plan.
She demonstrated the safety vest with style.
I pushed the call button, it was a pressing matter.
The flight attendant is always in the aisle.
She poured the soda, it was fizzy logic.
The safety demo was completely riveting.
I asked for peanuts, but they were nuts.
The crew really knows how to pack us in.
She closed the overhead bin with a slam.
Helicopter and Chopper Humor
Not all aircraft have wings that stay still. Some spin around frantically just to stay in the air.
Get to the chopper right now.
Helicopters really know how to spin a story.
That helicopter is a real whirly bird.
I am just hovering around waiting.
The rotor blades are really cutting through the air.
Helicopter parents are always overhead.
It is a vertical takeoff situation.
That noise is really choppy.
I feel like I am going in circles.
The landing was spot on.
He has a really twisted sense of humor.
The pilot has great control.
It is a blade runner situation.
Just drop in whenever you want.
The view from here is dizzying.
Dark Humor Airplane Jokes for Adults Who Skip the Safety Video
Some of us stopped watching the safety demo around 2019 and started coping with jokes instead. These dark humor airplane jokes lean a little further than the kids section above, so keep them there. If turbulence still is not enough chaos for you, our cruise puns bring the same energy to open water.
My will is up to date, so this flight is basically a formality.
The oxygen mask instructions are the only honest thing on this flight.
I always watch the safety demo, mostly out of respect.
Turbulence is just the plane’s way of asking for a moment.
I trust the pilot completely, mostly because I have no other option.
The black box survives every crash, unlike my patience.
Nothing says trust the process like a seatbelt sign.
I do my best praying during turbulence, it is very spiritual.
The tray table is the last stable thing in my life.
Middle seat, no legroom, and somehow still not the worst part of my week.
Glider and Small Plane Puns
Sometimes you don’t need an engine to crash. Here are jokes for the lighter side of aviation.
Gliders are great, no strings attached.
I am just coasting through life.
It is a silent flight mode.
Small planes are a tight squeeze.
The cessna was a classic choice.
We are flying under the radar.
It is a solo mission today.
The wind is my engine.
I am feeling very light headed.
Just drift away with me.
The landing strip is very short.
I have to crank the engine.
It is a bumpy field landing.
The propeller is a big fan of mine.
We are flying by the seat of our pants.
Funny Airplane Names for Your Fleet
If you ever buy a private jet (you won’t), here are some terrible names you can paint on the side.
Air Force None
Planey McPlaneface
The Wright Wrong
Wingardium Leviosa
Jet Lagged
Cloudy With a Chance of Crash
The Spruce Goose 2
Terminal Velocity
Boarding Pass-ed
Frequent Crier
Mile High Club House
The Flying Dutchman
Gravity Check
Turbulence Maker
No Leg Room
Corny Airplane Dad Jokes
If you want to annoy the person sitting next to you, read these out loud. These airplane dad jokes are formatted perfectly so you can ruin the punchline immediately, and we regret nothing.
Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Because he had a bad altitude.
What do you call a plane that flies backwards? A receding hairline.
Why don’t airplanes ever get lost? They always take the flight path of least resistance.
What is a pilot’s favorite flavor of bagel? Plain.
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? It was overbooked.
What happens when you wear a watch on a plane? Time flies.
Why did the students study in the airplane? They wanted higher grades.
What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously? Han Solo.
Why are airplanes so good at tennis? Because they have a great serve-ice.
What sound does a bouncing plane make? Boeing Boeing.
Why was the computer cold on the plane? Because it left its Windows open.
What do you call a flying primate? A hot air baboon.
Where can you find a movie about a plane? On the trailer.
Why did the airplane break up with the helicopter? It was too high maintenance.
How do rabbits travel? By hare-plane.
Airplane Jokes for Kids Even Parents Will Laugh At
Kids ask “are we there yet” about four minutes after takeoff, so here is some ammunition for the rest of the flight. These are the clean, groan-worthy airplane jokes even a nine-year-old can repeat at the dinner table. If the kids get restless once you land, our campfire jokes will keep the streak going.
Why did the plane go to bed early? It was tired.
The airplane’s favorite subject in school is plane geometry.
What do you call a dinosaur flying a plane? A plane-osaurus.
Why did the cookie cry on the airplane? It felt crumby.
The plane’s favorite drink is jet fuel, obviously.
Why don’t kids get bored on planes? They are always winging it.
What do you call a sleepy plane? A nap-jet.
The plane packed light because it only needed one carry-on.
Why did the puppy bring a suitcase on the plane? It was ready to paw-ty.
The plane’s favorite sport after landing is the high jump.
Why did the balloon want a window seat? It gets lightheaded easily.
Short Flight Captions for Instagram
You finally got a window seat. You took a picture of the wing and some clouds. Now use one of these generic captions to get likes from people who don’t care.
I have my head in the clouds today. ☁️
Catch flights, not feelings. ✈️
Just winging it as usual. 🕊️
Work hard, travel harder. 🌍
Up in the air and loving it. 💙
My favorite view is from a window seat. 🪟
Adventure is out there, somewhere. 📍
Ready for takeoff and good vibes. 🚀
Living that jet setter life. 🥂
Airplane mode is my favorite mode. 📵
The Final Descent Into Madness
That wraps up our airplane jokes, hopefully more enjoyable than your wait in the TSA line. If you are still reading this, you clearly have too much time before your boarding group is called.
We rate this collection a solid 7/10 airsickness bags.
Go buy a ridiculously expensive bottle of water, browse the rest of our travel puns while you wait, and safe travels.
Frequently Asked Questions About Flying
What is the funniest airplane joke?
The one where they tell you the flight is on time. That is the best joke in the industry.
Why do pilots say Roger?
Because saying “Steve” or “Bob” would be confusing if the other guy’s name isn’t Steve or Bob. Also, it stands for “Received Order Given, Expect Results,” but mostly it just sounds cool.
Can I tell jokes to the TSA?
You can, but we strongly advise against it. They do not have a sense of humor, and you might miss your flight while they search your bag for “attitude.”
Why is airplane food so bad?
It isn’t actually that bad, your taste buds just don’t work as well at high altitudes. Also, it is mass-produced sludge heated in a tiny oven.
Is it okay to clap when the plane lands?
No. Never do this. The pilot is just doing their job. You don’t clap for your Uber driver when they pull into your driveway. Stop it.
Are airplane jokes appropriate for kids?
The jokes in our kids section above are safe for the dinner table. The dark humor section a few scrolls down is not, so save that one for after the kids go to bed.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
