Welcome to the bridge. If you are here, we assume you have exhausted all your other social options and have decided to alienate your friends with sci-fi humor. We get it. Sometimes you just need to set your phasers to “pun” and accept your fate.
This collection is not logical. It is an emotional rollercoaster of bad wordplay and Star Trek dad jokes that would make a Vulcan raise an eyebrow in pure disgust. We have scoured the galaxy for the worst material possible. You are welcome.
These jokes are about the ships and the vast emptiness of space. Much like the vast emptiness of your Friday night plans. Here are jokes about flying through the cosmos.
The Enterprise is powered by dilithium crystals, but my car runs on gas-trointestinal issues.
I wanted to buy a new starship, but the prices were astronomical.
The ship’s chef was fired because his cooking was a little meteor.
Sulu never gets lost because he always star-ts at the beginning.
I asked the computer for a joke and it gave me a holo-gram.
The Enterprise had to tow a broken ship because it had a tractor beam.
We had to clean the bridge because it was full of star-dust.
Why did the ship go to school? To improve its warp speed reading.
The captain’s toilet is broken, so he has to log it in the repair manual.
Never trust a starship captain who eats pasta. He might be an impasta.
The engine room is noisy because it has too many fans.
We installed a window in the mess hall so we could sea the stars.
The new cadet is great at gardening. He has a green shirt thumb.
I tried to catch a shuttlecraft but I mist it.
Parking the Enterprise is hard because of the space restrictions.
Logical Spock Jokes That Make Zero Sense
Vulcans are known for suppressing their emotions. After reading these Spock jokes, you will wish you could suppress yours too. Logic dictates that these are terrible.
Spock’s favorite class in school was geom-ear-try.
I asked Spock for a loan and he said he was short on ears.
Vulcans never use the toilet. They eliminate waste through log-ic.
Spock failed art class because he could not draw a conclusion.
Why did Spock flush the toilet? It was the logical thing to do.
Spock does not use a vacuum. He uses a vulcan cleaner.
When Spock eats toast, he puts on a little marme-lad.
Vulcans make terrible drummers because they have no rhythm-o.
Spock refused to eat the leftovers because it was highly illogical.
I tried to give Spock a high five but he gave me a live long and prosper signal.
Spock’s favorite rock band is The Rolling Stones because it is only logical to rock.
You can always tell when Spock is surprised. His brow lifts.
Spock hates playing cards because he hates shuffling the deck.
Vulcans are great at sewing. They always find the point.
Spock’s favorite car is a Toy-yoda. Wait, wrong franchise.
Captain’s Log of Funny Star Trek Jokes
Captain Kirk and Picard are leaders of men. You are reading jokes on the internet. We are not the same. If you need a break from leadership, check out our book title puns for something slightly more intellectual.
Picard’s favorite sewing machine command is make it sew.
Kirk never pays for drinks. He puts them on his tab.
Picard’s favorite song is Tea for Two but only if it is Earl Grey.
Why did Kirk break up with the alien? He needed some space.
Picard hates the beach because of the sand. No wait, that is Anakin.
Kirk’s favorite shirt color is ripped.
Picard’s head is so shiny you can see yourself in it.
Kirk’s favorite exercise is running away from responsibility.
Picard always wins at poker because he has a good face.
Kirk does not use a map. He uses his gut.
Picard’s favorite fruit is a pear of galaxies.
Kirk always gets the girl because he has phaser stunning looks.
Picard never gets cold. He has his cardigan.
Kirk’s favorite holiday is Thanks-giving orders.
Picard’s favorite type of music is rock and roll.
Klingon and Borg Humor for The Hive Mind
The Borg are a collective consciousness, kind of like Twitter but with fewer arguments. If you like hive minds, you might also like our bee puns. Resistance to this laughter is futile.
The Borg’s favorite fast food is Burger King because you can have it your way.
Klingons never use napkins. They use their sleeves.
The Borg went to a wedding to assimilate the cake.
Why are Klingons bad at tennis? Because love means nothing to them.
The Borg’s favorite music is techno.
Klingons make terrible comedians. Their timing is warrior focused.
The Borg don’t use doorbells. They just walk in.
Klingons love spicy food. It brings them honor.
The Borg are bad at hide and seek. They always say we are here.
Klingon hair is always messy because they hate combs.
The Borg’s favorite computer key is Control.
Klingons never retreat. They just attack in the other direction.
The Borg are terrible at parties. They always ruin the vibe.
Klingons love gardening. They have a green bat’leth.
The Borg computer crashed because of too many windows.
Trekkie Humor From The Engine Room
Scotty is always yelling about the engines. Engineers are the unsung heroes who fix everything with duct tape and shouting. This section is robust with trekkie humor.
Scotty’s favorite drink is scotch. Obviously.
The engine refused to start because it was exhausted.
Geordi La Forge loves reading. He really has an eye for it.
The warp core is breachy. It needs a diaper.
Scotty hates elevators. He prefers to get beamed up.
Engineering is hot. You need a lot of fans.
Geordi’s favorite game is peek-a-boo.
The transporter room is great for people who hate walking.
Scotty always gives it all he’s got. He has no chill.
The engineer was fired for making a bolt for the door.
Geordi never loses his glasses. They are attached.
The warp drive is just a fancy way of saying go fast.
Data tries so hard to be human. It is actually painful to watch. Sort of like watching you try to flirt. If you like weird creatures trying to fit in, you will love our opossum puns.
Data’s favorite pet is a cat ode ray tube.
Why did Data go to therapy? He had too many issues.
Data’s favorite candy is Smarties.
Androids don’t sleep. They take power naps.
Data is terrible at baseball. He always tries to catch the bat.
Why did Data cross the road? To gather more input.
Data’s favorite dance is the robot.
Androids never get sick. They just get a virus.
Data loves painting. He is a real artist.
Why is Data bad at poker? He has a tell tale chip.
Data’s favorite drink is oil.
Androids don’t cry. They leak coolant.
Data is never late. His internal clock is perfect.
Why did Data get a job? He needed the cache.
Data’s favorite book is Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.
Star Trek Names for Pets That Will Get You Bullied
Naming your pet after a Star Trek character is a surefire way to let the dog park know you are a nerd. If you prefer softer animals, go check our bear puns before committing to these.
Bark-lay
Jean-Luc Picorgi
Spock-er Spaniel
William Shat-ner (for a cat that knocks things over)
Worf (perfect for a bulldog)
Data (for a smart dog)
Geordi La Paws
Q (for a chaotic cat)
Seven of Nine Lives
Bones (ironic for a dog)
Uhura (for a vocal husky)
Scotty (for a scottish terrier)
Khan (for when you need to yell their name)
Tribble (for a hamster)
Guinan (for a listener)
Corny Star Trek Dad Jokes (Q&A Style)
Sometimes you need a setup and a punchline to really drive the cringe home. These are formatted for maximum eye-rolling efficiency.
What is Captain Picard’s favorite time of day? Ten-forward.
Why did the Klingon cross the road? To conquer the other side.
What did Spock find in the toilet? The Captain’s log.
How many ears does Scotty have? Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What is a Romulan’s favorite type of frog?
A quantum leap frog. (Check out frog love puns for more).
Why did Worf change his hair color? It was a good day to dye.
What do you call a nervous Jedi? Panakin Skywalker. Wait, wrong universe.
Why does the Enterprise have a gym? To keep the crew fit for duty.
What did the photon torpedo say to the ship? I get a bang out of you.
Why did the Borg go to the dentist? To improve his bite.
Short Star Trek Captions for Instagram Selfies
You dressed up in the uniform. You did the hair. Now you need a caption that isn’t totally embarrassing. Or maybe it is. We also have puns about knitting if your hobby is less high-tech.
Set phasers to stunning. 💅
I’m a doctor, not a photographer. 📸
Live long and prosper, besties. 🖖
Resistance is futile. You will like this photo. 🤖
Beam me up, I’m done with this party. 🚀
Boldly going where I probably shouldn’t. 🌌
Keep calm and Klingon. ⚔️
My love for you is deep space nine. ❤️
Feeling like a red shirt today. ☠️
Make it so. ☕
Holodeck Program Terminated
We have reached the end of this wormhole. If you are still reading, we assume your warp drive is broken. We rate this collection a solid 9/10 Tribbles on the annoyance scale. Go home and rethink your life choices.
The Prime Directive Questions
Here are some questions people actually ask about Star Trek jokes. We answered them so you don’t have to Google them.
What is the funniest Star Trek line?
“I am a doctor, not a bricklayer.” It works in almost any situation where you are asked to do manual labor.
Is there any humor in Star Trek?
Yes, mostly unintentional humor involving bad special effects from the 1960s and William Shatner’s acting choices.
What do you call a Star Trek fan?
A Trekkie or a Trekker. Calling them a “Star Wars fan” is a declaration of war.
Why is 7 ate 9 a Star Trek joke?
Because Seven of Nine is a character, and cannibalism is frowned upon in the Federation.
Did Spock ever tell a joke?
Spock attempts humor occasionally, but it usually lands with the grace of a falling turbolift.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
