Look, we know why you are here. You either have a weird obsession with hairless tails, or you need to annoy a friend who is terrified of rodents. We don’t judge. Actually, we do judge a little bit, but we are also writing this, so who are we to talk? You wanted the cringiest collection of wordplay involving vermin, and we are legally obligated to provide it. Here is a massive list of jokes that belong in the sewer.
We are starting strong with the general stuff. These are perfect for when you want to sound clever but end up sounding like a pest. If you think these are bad, you should see our Raccoon Puns; those guys are just rats with better PR teams.
I smell a rat, and honestly, it smells like success.
You look absolutely rat-iant today.
Let’s have a p-rat-tle about your behavior.
Don’t be a b-rat, share your snacks.
I’m sending you my cong-rat-ulations on surviving another Monday.
That is a rat-ical idea, dude.
I am working on my rat-titude problem.
Stop talking rubbish, you are confusing the rodents.
He is a bureau-c-rat working in the city.
Let’s get separate checks, we can go Dutch rat.
I am afraid this situation is dete-rat-iorating.
She is the aristoc-rat of the sewer system.
Keep it brief, I don’t have time for a nar-rat-ive.
This gym routine is focused on my quad-rat-ceps.
Please sepa-rat the recycling from the trash.
Pet Rat Jokes That Owners Will Unfortunately Love
People who own rats are a specific breed of human. You let them crawl in your hoodie and sleep in your hair. We get it, they are smart. If you like smart animals that chew on things, maybe go look at our Beaver/Otter Love Puns next. But for now, here is content for the cage cleaners.
My pet rat is a gym bro, he loves the bench press.
I bought my rat a tiny vest because he is a lab rat.
My rat is smarter than your honor student, it’s a fact.
Cleaning the cage is a total drag-on my day.
He loves to exercise on his wheel of fortune.
My rat is a musician, he plays the mous-ica.
Always trust a rat, they have great in-tuition.
We are best friends, totally in-sepa-rat-ble.
My rat is studying to be a math-rat-ician.
He’s a little shy, he’s an introv-rat.
My rat’s favorite movie is The Rat-rix.
Don’t worry, my pet is purely deco-rat-ive.
I tried to train him, but he’s a bit of a b-rat.
He is small but has a massive p-rat-sonality.
My rat is training for a ma-rat-hon.
Cute Rodent Puns That Are Barely Bearable
We are broadening the horizon to include all the squeaky things. If it has whiskers and steals crumbs, it counts. If you prefer your animals a bit larger and scarier, go check out our Bear Puns, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
I hope you have a mice day.
You are really mouse-understood by society.
This is an anony-mouse tip.
I think you are fa-mouse on the internet.
Let’s make a unan-i-mouse decision to eat cheese.
You have a really nice mouse-tache.
Stop playing hide and squeak.
You are my squeak-heart.
That sounds like a squeak solution to a big problem.
I am just squeaking by until payday.
That is ut-tail-ly ridiculous.
Let me tell you a fairy tail.
I bought this at a re-tail store.
This is a whisker situation.
I made it by a whisker.
Cheese and Rat Jokes for the Lactose Tolerant
You cannot write about rats without writing about cheese. It is the law of cartoons. If you are actually hungry after reading this, go read our Pizza Puns or Cheese Birthday Puns to ruin your appetite completely.
That rat is up to no Gouda.
You have to brie kidding me right now.
I am feeling grate about this trap.
This is nacho cheese, it belongs to the rat.
He is a Muenster in the kitchen.
Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a brie?
Curd your enthusiasm, pal.
I am feta up with these rodents.
That is the cheesiest joke I have ever heard.
Swiss keeps happening to me.
It is a brie-lliant plan to catch him.
Provolone ranger rides again.
I camembert to live without you.
Life is gouda when you have crumbs.
Don’t be blue, have some cheddar.
Rat Love Puns for Your Toxic Relationship
Nothing says “romance” like a sewer dwelling creature. Send these to your partner if you want to be single by tomorrow. If these don’t work, maybe try our Frog Love Puns for a prince charming vibe.
I gnaw I love you.
You really gnaw-t my heart.
I’m crazy about you, literally.
Let’s grow mold together.
You are the pest thing that ever happened to me.
I’m trapped in your love cage.
Will you be my lab partner for life?
Our love is infest-ious.
I’d run a maze just to find you.
You make my heart race like I saw a cat.
I’m stuck on you like glue (traps).
We are the perfect pair of pests.
You’ve got that rodent charm.
Let’s make some mischief tonight.
I chews you, Pikachu style.
City Rat Jokes for the Urban Explorer
If you live in New York or Chicago, these aren’t jokes; they are your reality. You see these guys on the subway more than your own family. Speaking of dirty jobs, these fit right in with our Funny Plumber Jokes.
Subway rats don’t pay the fare, they jump the stile.
I saw a rat carrying a slice, he’s a New Yorker.
These rats own the streets, we just rent.
He’s not homeless, he lives in the sewer penthouse.
That rat has more street smarts than a tourist.
The concrete jungle is just a big maze.
He’s late for a meeting with the Ninja Turtles.
That’s not a dog, that’s a city squirrel.
He’s got a trash addiction.
Living the high life in the low drains.
He’s strictly local, never goes to Jersey.
That rat walks with a swagger.
He’s waiting for the garbage truck buffet.
Don’t mind him, he’s just commuting.
He’s got a pizza my heart.
Funny Names for Pet Rats
If you actually bought a rat, you need to name it something that distracts from the tail. Here are names that are mildly amusing. If you need names for other questionable things, check out our Book Title Puns.
Rat-atouille
Chris P. Ratt
Rat Damon
Gnaw-man Reedus
Mickey No-Mouse
Julius Cheeser
Rat-chel Green
Scabbers (Classic)
Rat-putin
Squeak-ira
Brie Larson
Rat-tholomew
Chuck E. Chews
Biggie Cheese
Rat-niss Everdeen
Corny Rat Dad Jokes
Here is the section where we abandon all dignity. These are formatted for you to read aloud and lose friends instantly. If you enjoy this pain, we have a whole section of Star Wars Dad Jokes too.
What is a rat’s favorite game? Hide and squeak.
Why did the rat eat a candle? He wanted a light snack.
What do you call a rat with a cold? A sick-a-more.
Where do rats go for drinks? The Squeak-easy.
What is a rat’s favorite movie type? A mouse-tery.
Why are rats great at video games? They love the mouse controller.
What do rats use to fix their houses? Ro-dent and scratch remover.
Why did the rat cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What do you call a rat who can’t cook? A kitchen nightmare.
How do rats celebrate birthdays? With mice cream and cake.
What is a rat’s favorite car? A F-rat-rari.
Why was the rat afraid of the river? He didn’t want to be a wet rat.
What magazine do rats read? Good Mouse-keeping.
Why did the rat steal the cheese? He had grater plans.
What do you call a rat who writes poetry? Shake-squeak.
Short Rat Captions for Instagram
You took a picture of a rat. We don’t know why, but you need a caption. Here are sentences that will make your followers unfollow you.
Feeling cute, might chew a wire later. 🐀
Just a couple of lab rats in this experiment called life. 🧪
Living that trash lifestyle. 🗑️
Oh, rats! It’s Monday again. 😩
Cheese is my love language. 🧀
Squeaking my way into your feed. 🐭
Don’t judge my tail, judge my hustle. 💯
Rat girl summer is officially here. ☀️
Found the Master Splinter to my Turtles. 🐢
Snitches get stitches, but rats get riches. 💰
The Rat-tastrophy Conclusion
We honestly can’t believe you made it this far. We have officially scraped the bottom of the barrel. If you are still craving bad jokes, maybe you need professional help, or maybe you just need to read our Funny Jokes for Nurses.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes.
What to do next: Go wash your hands.
The Rodent Inquiries (FAQ)
Are rats actually good pets?
Yes, if you enjoy animals that are smarter than your ex and fit in your pocket. They are basically dogs that fit in a mug.
Why do people hate rats?
It is mostly the tail. Also the whole “plague” history, which is fair. It was a bad PR era for them.
Do rats really like cheese?
Surprisingly, they prefer chocolate and peanut butter. Cartoons lied to you. It’s a conspiracy.
Can rats swim?
Yes, they can tread water for three days. You cannot escape them by jumping in a pool. Sleep well.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
