Look, we know why you are here. You spent forty hours making a scarf that looks slightly like a strangled snake, and now you need a caption to distract people from the dropped stitches. Or maybe you just enjoy inflicting pain on your friends with wordplay. We do not judge. We just provide the ammo. Here are enough knitting puns to make your grandma groan and your followers unfollow.
Knitting is not just a hobby. It is a slow descent into madness surrounded by sharp sticks. If you think this is painful, you otter see our other love puns which are equally tragic. Here are some general jokes about the craft.
I am absolutely knit picking right now.
This is a close-knit group of friends.
I will be there in a stitch.
That story was a real yarn spinner.
Please do not needle me about my project.
I think I am coming apart at the seams.
It is time to cast on a new adventure.
Life is what you make of it.
I am just trying to keep my life from unraveling.
That is a purl of wisdom right there.
I have a pattern of bad behavior.
Don’t get it twisted.
We represent the fiber of society.
I am feeling pretty loops right now.
Let’s get down to the knitty gritty.
Spinning a yarn with these puns about wool
If you have a stash of wool that is larger than your savings account, this section is for you. It is almost un-bear-able how much money we spend on colored string. Here are jokes specifically about the fuzzy stuff.
Wool you be mine?
I am dyeing to meet you.
She is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I feel fleece as a bird.
That was a shabby excuse.
I have been waiting for this skein all my life.
Don’t pull the wool over my eyes.
I am soft on you.
Alpaca the bags, let’s go to the yarn store.
This is shear madness.
I am felt with joy.
Stop spinning lies.
I am ballin’ on a budget.
You are one of a kind.
Ewe have got to be kidding me.
Getting hooked on crochet puns and crossover humor
Sometimes we use one stick, sometimes two. We are toad-ally inclusive here at PunSpill. If you are a hooker instead of a knitter, these jokes will still land.
I am totally hooked on you.
By hook or by crook.
Make loops not war.
I am stuck in a chain reaction.
Don’t lose your tension.
This is off the hook.
I am counting my blessings and my stitches.
Just single crochet your way through life.
I have a granny attitude today.
Let’s block out the haters.
I am crochet-zy for you.
Slip into something more comfortable.
It is a giant waste of time.
I am working on my double chin and double crochet.
Happy hooking ladies.
Knotty problems and tangled jokes
Every knitter knows the pain of a tangled mess. It makes you want to lie down and play dead like an opossum. Here are jokes about mistakes, knots, and failures.
I am knot amused.
This situation is getting hairy.
Talk about a tangled web we weave.
I made a huge mistake.
Better late than never.
I dropped the ball on that one.
I am in a bit of a bind.
This is knot happening.
I am at the end of my rope.
Just frog it and start over.
I am ripping my hair out.
Don’t get your knickers in a twist.
I am frayed of the dark.
This project is a mess.
I am loopy from lack of sleep.
Puns for the socially awkward knitter
Ideally, we would stay home and knit, but sometimes we have to go outside. It makes us want to bee hermits forever. Here are jokes for the introverts.
I am a knit wit.
Leave me alone I am counting.
I am socially biased.
I ply my trade in silence.
My social battery is unraveling.
I am isolated stitches.
I have cast off society.
Please give me some space dyed yarn.
I am gauging your interest.
Let’s keep this on the down low.
I prefer to stay in my row.
I am blocking your calls.
I am skein home tonight.
My patience is thin.
I am wrapped up in myself.
Romantic knitting lines for your crafty crush
If you want to flirt with a knitter, you need better game. Maybe try a sport like pickleball instead, or just use these terrible lines.
You are sew beautiful.
I love you pieces.
We are tight knit.
I want to wrap my arms around you.
You color my world.
I am stuck on you.
Let’s make something beautiful together.
You are my fiber optic connection.
I fancy you.
You have great texture.
I am drawn to you.
Let’s tangle.
You are soft to the touch.
I am crazy about you.
Will you marry me?
Witty Names for your Knitting Group
If you are starting a club where people sit in silence and stab things, you need a name. It is better than starting a capybara appreciation society, probably.
The Knit Wits
Purl Jammers
The Castaways
Wool gatherers
Skein Artists
Knotty Girls
The Loop Troops
Stitch and Bitch
Needle Pushers
Yarn Barns
Hookers and Lookers
The Fibre Opticians
Cabled News Network
Row Counters
Tangled Up In Blue
Corny Knitting Dad Jokes
We apologized in the intro, but we are apologizing again.
Why was the knitting teacher so rich? Because she had a lot of cache.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa.
Why did the yarn go to the doctor? It was feeling unraveled.
What is a knitter’s favorite movie? Star Wars The Phantom Menace.
Why did the cat sit on the knitting? He wanted to keep an eye on the mouse.
What happened to the criminal knitter? He had to face the music.
Why was the scarf so funny? It was a real rib tickler.
How do knitters travel? By cable car.
What is a knitter’s favorite sport? Basket weaving.
Why did the socks break up? One of them had cold feet.
Short Knitting Captions for Instagram
You made the thing. Now post the thing.
I practiced my witchcraft today. 🧙♀️
Just one more row I promise. 🤞
Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy yarn. 🧶
Born to knit forced to work. 😩
I make cute things with sharp sticks. ⚔️
My purl friend is back. 👯♀️
Don’t cross me. 🙅♀️
Keep calm and carry yarn. 👑
Sweater weather is forever. ❄️
Eat sleep knit repeat. 🔁
Binding Off This Disaster
We hope you found what you were looking for, or at least found a reason to close your browser tab in disgust. Knitting is a noble pursuit, mostly because it results in blankets we can hide under when we remember these jokes.
Regret Rating: 8/10 Tangled Skeins. Go fix that dropped stitch before the whole garment falls apart.
Queries That Will Leave You in Stitches
Here are some questions people actually ask about this hobby.
Why is it called frogging?
Because you “rip it, rip it.” Get it? Like a frog. We warned you this hobby was full of dad jokes.
What is the difference between knitting and crochet?
Knitting uses two needles (or more) and is for people who like danger. Crochet uses one hook and is for people who like knots.
Can I knit with my cat?
Physically yes, but emotionally no. The cat is there to destroy your work, not help you. It is a parasitic relationship.
Is knitting an expensive hobby?
It starts with “I’ll save money on socks” and ends with you buying hand-dyed wool from a specific sheep named Brenda in New Zealand. So, yes.
How do I stop buying yarn?
You don’t. You just buy more bins to hide it from your family. This is your life now. Accept your fate.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
