Look, we didn’t want to write this any more than you wanted to read it. But here we are, staring awkwardly at each other across the internet. If you are looking for high-brow intellectual humor, you have come to the wrong place. These jokes are shortsighted and likely to cause permanent cringe damage. We apologize for the lack of focus in this article.
Optometrist Humor That Gets Worse The Closer You Look
Doctors usually have bad handwriting, but eye doctors have bad jokes. It is a trade-off we have to accept for clear vision.
I broke up with my optometrist because we couldn’t see eye to eye.
The eye doctor was always happy because he was an opt-imist.
My optometrist fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
I went to the eye doctor to return some glasses because I saw right through them.
The optometrist’s favorite song is Eye of the Tiger.
Never trust an eye doctor who tells cornea jokes than this.
My eye doctor lives on an eye-land in the Pacific.
Optometrists are great at parties because they have good pupil skills.
I asked the doctor if I needed glasses and he said eye doubt it.
The rude optometrist told me to lid a fire under it.
Eye doctors love their smartphones because of the retina display.
He lost his job as an optometrist because he lost his focus.
I have a crush on my eye doctor, but I’m too shy-sighted to say anything.
The optometrist’s favorite dessert is ice cream.
Eye doctors are the only people who can get away with being shady.
Glasses Jokes Because You Can’t Unsee This
Wearing glasses makes you look smart, but reading these puns will undo all that progress. Put on your specs and try not to smudge them with tears of regret.
I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
My glasses are dirty, but I guess it’s clear to see.
Wearing glasses is great because it frames your face of disappointment.
I call my glasses “Math” because they add clarity.
My glasses and I have a frame-work for success.
People who wear glasses are always spec-tacular.
I lost my glasses and now I’m living in a blur.
Stop making a spectacle of yourself with those frames.
My glasses are broken, so I’m having a bad frame of mind.
I bought cheap glasses and got what I paid four-eyes.
Sun wear glasses to protect their rays.
I don’t need glasses, I just need better lighting.
He wears glasses to look intelligent, but it’s an optical illusion.
My glasses are so thick they can see into the future.
Without my glasses, life is just a fuzz.
Cornea Puns That Are Pure Eye Candy
We are getting into the anatomy of the eye now, which is gross if you think about it too long. Please enjoy these jokes while blinking manually.
That joke was even cornea than the last one.
I’m not crying, it’s just my tear ducts overreacting.
The iris and the pupil are best buds.
My eyes are tired because they have been under a lot of strain.
Don’t lash out at me just because I have long eyelashes.
The eye was lonely because it was an eye-solated incident.
I have got my eye on the prize.
Iris my case regarding these bad jokes.
The eye went to school to improve its pupil status.
My eye won an award for being the most visionary.
Don’t be so sclera, it’s just a joke.
I winked at the situation to make it less awkward.
The eye got a promotion because it had a clear vision.
My eyes are playing tricks on me.
Keep your lids open for more disappointment.
Seeing Clearly Puns For 20/20 Regret
If you have perfect vision, we are sorry you have to read this with such high definition. Ignorance is bliss, but blurriness is cheaper.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
It’s plain to see that you are bored.
I have 20/20 hindsight regarding this blog post.
You don’t need perfect vision to spot a bad joke.
I am looking forward to seeing you later.
This situation is getting a bit blurry.
I saw that coming from a mile away.
My vision board is just a picture of glasses.
I’m watching you like a hawk.
Let’s focus on the positives here.
I have a glimmer of hope for this list.
Seeing is believing, unfortunately.
I have got you in my sights.
Don’t lose sight of what’s important (leaving this page).
Everything looks better in hindsight.
Vision Captions To Ruin Your Feed
Social media is fake, but your need for engagement is real. Use these when you post a selfie and want people to unfollow you.
Eye can’t believe I posted this.
Just looking for trouble.
Vision dreams and champagne wishes.
Keep your eyes on the prize.
See no evil, hear no evil.
I’m just here for the views.
Looking good, feeling mediocre.
My eyes are up here.
Watch out world.
Sight for sore eyes.
Just browsing, thanks.
Peep this look.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
Blinded by the light.
Feeling spec-tacular today.
Contact Lens Humor Because Poking Your Eye Is Fun
There is nothing quite like jamming a piece of plastic into your eyeball every morning. Here are jokes for people who hate frames.
I lost my contact lens and now I’ve lost contact with reality.
Contact lenses are a real pain in the eye.
I’m trying to make contact with intelligent life.
My contacts are dry, just like my humor.
I keep losing my contacts, I need to stay in touch.
Contact lenses are the invisible heroes.
I poke my eye out for fashion.
Putting in contacts is a daily struggle.
I have got my contacts in high places.
My lenses and I are inseparable (literally stuck).
I’m seeing things differently since I switched contacts.
Don’t lose contact with your friends.
I’d tell you a contact lens joke but it’s too transparent.
My contacts are foggy, just like my future.
I’m strictly a contact sport kind of person.
Blindness and Blurriness Jokes For The Faint of Sight
We are walking a fine line here, much like someone who forgot their glasses at home. These are for when the world is just a smudge.
Love is blind, and so am I without my glasses.
I’m flying blind on this project.
Don’t turn a blind eye to these puns.
I’m legally blind without my coffee.
The blinds were leading the blind.
I’m walking into this blindly.
It’s a blind date with destiny.
I can’t find my glasses, I’m in a bind.
Three blind mice walked into a bar.
I’m groping in the dark here.
Color blindness is a pigment of your imagination.
I’m blind-sided by this news.
You are robbing me blind.
I have a blind spot for pizza.
This is the blind leading the naked.
Funny Names For Your Eyeballs
If you name your body parts, you are weird. If you use these names, you are weird and punny.
Iris West
Seymour Butts
Justin Case (Just in case you can’t see)
Eye-leen
Looky Skywalker
Cornea Kardashian
Spec-tator
Visionary Vaughn
Blinky Bill
Glance Armstrong
Peeping Tom (Don’t use this one)
Retina Turner
Optic Prime
Sight-clops
View-yonce
Corny Eye Dad Jokes
We scraped the bottom of the barrel for these. They are formatted cleanly so you can read them quickly and leave.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
Why did the phone go to the eye doctor? It lost its contacts.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why was the eye teacher so good? She had good pupils.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left side? He’s all right now.
What is an eye doctor’s favorite day? Lens-day.
Why are eyes so lonely? Because they come in a single set.
How do you make an eye laugh? You tickle its cornea.
What happens when you split an eye in half? You get a contact sport.
Short Vision Captions for Instagram
You took a picture. You need words. Here are words.
I can see clearly now. 👓
Eyes wide shut. 😴
Looking for trouble. 🧐
Spec-tacular view. 🤩
Four eyes are better than two. 🤓
Vision is 20/20. 👀
Eye candy. 🍭
Just looking. 🔎
Focus on the good. 📸
Blind as a bat. 🦇
The Final Blink: Shut-Eye Time
We have reached the end of this visual disaster. If your eyes aren’t bleeding yet, we failed. Honestly, if you enjoyed this, you might need to check out our jokes for nurses because there is something medically wrong with your sense of humor. Or maybe visit our dentist jokes to take your mind off the pain in your eyes. If you are still awake, maybe grab some coffee to keep those lids open.
Rating of Regret: 20/20 Cringes.
Next Step: Close your browser. Go outside. Look at a tree.
Eye-Opening Inquiries
What do you call an eye doctor living in Alaska?
An optical Aleutian.
Why did the eye break up with the brain?
It needed some space to focus.
How do eyes say goodbye?
Eye’ll be seeing you.
Can eyes get sunburned?
Yes, it’s called photokeratitis, which sounds fake but isn’t. Wear sunglasses.
Why are eye puns so bad?
Because they are cornea than any other joke.
Do fish have eyelids?
No, which is why fish jokes are always staring at you weirdly.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
