Look, we know why you are here. You need jokes about flour and water to impress a toddler or annoy a coworker, and we have nothing better to do than enable this behavior. This is a collection of Bread jokes cleanbread jokes clean enough for church but stale enough to make everyone groan. If you prefer your carbs with a hole in the middle, go check out our bagel puns instead. Otherwise, stay here and suffer with us.
We spent exactly five minutes thinking of these. They are simple, they involve yeast, and they are guaranteed to get a pity laugh at best.
I wanted to tell you a joke about bread, but it is getting stale.
The loaf of bread broke up with his girlfriend because she was too kneady.
Never tell secrets in a bakery because the walls have ears of corn.
The baker was in a bad mood because he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I like to have breakfast in bed, but I hate the crumbs.
The mother bread told her kids to behave or they would be toast.
Why was the baker so rich? He made a lot of dough.
I loathe bread puns, but I will roll with it.
The bread went to the doctor because it was feeling crummy.
Stop loafing around and get to work.
I am on a roll right now, no one can stop me.
The baker was a banker before because he knew how to knead the dough.
You can count on the baker, he always delivers the goods.
That joke was the best thing since sliced bread.
He is a bit of a weirdo, but he is a thoroughbred.
Toast Puns That Are Totally Burnt
If you apply heat to bread, it gets crunchy. If you apply humor to toast, it gets painful. Here are jokes for when things are heating up.
A toast to the bride and groom.
I proposed a toast, but I burned it.
You are the butter to my toast.
I hope you don’t find these jokes too dry.
Let’s have a toast to our friendship.
That argument was totally jam-packed.
I am lack-toast intolerant.
Don’t worry about the past, it is toast.
You are my butter half.
I tried to take a picture of my toast, but it was too grainy.
The toast went to sleep because it was feeling crispy.
Stop buttering me up.
It is time to spread the news.
I am feeling toasty warm.
Let’s get this bread and make a toast.
Cute Bread Puns For Your Crusty Friends
Sometimes you need to be sweet, unlike our morning coffee puns which are mostly bitter. Use these for Valentine’s Day or just to be weirdly affectionate.
I loaf you so much.
You are exactly what I knead.
We go together like peanut butter and jelly.
You are the apple of my rye.
Don’t be sourdough, be sweet.
You make my heart beat faster.
I have a crust on you.
Let’s grow mould together.
You are my everything bagel.
I want to hold your hand-wich.
You are simply amazing-grain.
I love you from my head to my toes.
We are a perfect batch.
You bake me crazy.
I donut know what I would do without you.
Bakery Jokes That Cost A Lot Of Dough
Walking into a bakery smells great until you realize you have to pay five dollars for a croissant. These jokes are free, which is a fair price for the quality.
The baker stopped making donuts because he got tired of the hole business.
I asked the baker for a raise, but he said he kneaded the money.
The bakery was closed because the owner was on a roll.
Why did the baguette go to the bakery? To get fresh.
The sourdough starter was so old it had a mid-loaf crisis.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
The baguette was sad because he had no friends.
I applied for a job at the bakery, but I wasn’t qualified.
The croissant was popular because it was flaky.
The ciabatta went to the gym to get shredded.
I asked for a discount, but the baker said no way.
The bakery caught fire, but the bread was toast.
Why did the muffin go to the dentist? He had a sweet tooth.
I left the bakery because it was too hot.
The baker’s favorite shoe brand is Loafers.
Carb Puns To Make You Feel Bloated
Carbs are delicious and usually lead to naps. If you love heavy food, you might also like our pizza puns, but right now we are focusing on pure grain.
I love carbs, they are my diet.
Pasta la vista, baby.
I am a gluten for punishment.
Don’t go against the grain.
Rice to meet you.
Let’s get this grain.
I am feeling pasta-tively amazing.
Carbs are the way to my heart.
Wheat loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Barley there, but still caring.
Oats imply, you are the best.
Millet me explain, I love bread.
Spelt correctly, it is delicious.
Quinoa believe it? I ate the whole loaf.
Corn you believe how much bread I ate?
Sourdough And Yeast Jokes For The Patient
Sourdough takes days to make, which sounds like too much work for us. We prefer instant gratification, like these instantly regrettable jokes.
The yeast was feeling small, so it decided to rise up.
Sourdough is the upper crust of bread.
I tried to make sourdough, but it was a flop.
The yeast said to the flour, let’s rise to the occasion.
Don’t get a rise out of me.
It is the yeast I could do.
I am waiting for my bread to proof.
Sourdough requires a lot of culture.
The starter was bubbly and active.
I have a rye sense of humor.
Let’s make like yeast and rise.
The bread was feeling sour, so it left.
Yeast is a fun guy.
I am bubbling with excitement.
The dough rose to the ceiling.
Bread Names For Pets
If you name your dog “Oreo,” you are basic. If you name your dog “Baguette,” you are a visionary.
Clint Yeastwood
Loaf Skywalker
Bread Pitt
Vladimir Gluten
Bun Jovi
Rye Reynolds
Marlon Brando
Grain Gretzky
Robert Browney Jr.
Toast Malone
Benedict Cumberbatch
Harry Potter (and the Sorcerer’s Scone)
Frodo Baggins (Bagel)
Dough Parton
Leonardo DiCarbo
Corny Bread Dad Jokes
We are keeping this section clean and simple. You ask the question, you wait for the silence, and then you deliver the punchline.
What does a loaf of bread say to his girlfriend? I loaf you.
Why was the bread actor so good? He was on a roll.
What did the butter say to the bread? I’m on a roll.
How does bread win over friends? It butter ups them.
Why did the bread go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
What happens when you burn bread? It becomes toast.
Why are bakers always in a rush? Time is money.
What kind of shoes do bakers wear? Loafers.
Short Bread Captions For Instagram
You took a photo of your lunch. Now you need a caption so people know you eat food.
Bread is my love language. 🍞
All you knead is love. ❤️
Just loafing around. 😴
Let’s get this bread. 💰
Living the high life. 🥖
Nice buns. 🍑
Carb loading for my nap. 💤
Life is better with butter. 🧈
Crust me, I’m a professional. 🕶️
Rye so serious? 🤡
We Are Officially Toast
We have reached the heel of the bread bag, which is the part nobody wants. You found what you were looking for, or at least found a distraction from your actual responsibilities.
Rating of Regret: 8/10 Crumbs.
Next Step: Go eat a sandwich and forget this happened.
Baking Up Some Truths
We know you have questions. We also know the answers are probably “flour,” but we will answer them anyway.
What is a funny bread pun?
“I loaf you” is the classic choice if you lack imagination. If you want something sharper, try “Rye so serious?”
How do you make a bread joke?
Take a normal sentence, find a word that sounds like “bread,” “loaf,” “crust,” or “yeast,” and jam it in there. It doesn’t have to be good; it just has to be loud.
Why are bread puns so popular?
Because everyone eats bread, and everyone loves to complain about carbs. It is a universal language of suffering and deliciousness.
Can I use these puns for a bakery name?
Please do. If you name your shop “Bread Pitt,” send us a photo so we can take credit for your success.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
