Listen, we know Valentine’s Day is usually for people who enjoy staring deeply into each other’s eyes over expensive pasta. But you have friends. Better yet, you have friends who tolerate your questionable life choices and weird memes. Since you forgot to buy an actual gift, these puns are the only thing standing between you and total social isolation.
Your best friend is the person who knows all your secrets and still hasn’t called the authorities. They deserve a pun that makes them want to walk into traffic just to escape your humor. Here are some gems for your favorite human.
You are the bestie thing that ever happened to me.
I am so glad we are best friends forever and ever.
You are the best-tea in the entire world.
I loaf you more than sliced bread, pal.
We are the perfect pear of idiots.
You are my favorite human-bean.
Thanks for being the zest friend a person could ask for.
I would never leaf you behind.
You are the berry best friend I have.
We are mint to be besties.
I like you a lattes even though you are annoying.
You are shrimply the best.
Thanks for being my main squeeze in this platonic way.
Our friendship is a big deal and a little bit weird.
I am nuts about our friendship.
Platonic Love Puns For People Who Just Want To Eat Pizza
Romance is exhausting, but eating snacks with your pals is eternal. These lines are perfect for that friend who understands that true love is actually just sharing your fries without complaining about it.
I love you slow much, you beautiful sloth.
You are my favorite soul-matey on this pirate ship of life.
Our friendship is dino-mite and I am not sorry.
You have a pizza my heart, but don’t touch my actual pizza.
I donut know what I would do without you.
We are taco-ing about a lifelong friendship here.
You are eggs-traordinarily cool for a weirdo.
I guac your back through everything.
Our friendship is souper and never salty.
You are the coolest person I know, hands down.
I am hooked on our friendship.
You are paws-itively the best pal ever.
I owl always be your friend.
You are a total catch, in a friend way.
I whale always love hanging out with you.
Funny Pal Jokes For Your Least Favorite Favorite Person
If you don’t bully your friends, are you even friends? Use these when you want to show affection while simultaneously maintaining your reputation as the person with the worst jokes in the group chat.
Why did the friend bring a ladder to the party? Because they heard the friendship was on another level.
What did the grape say to its best friend? I grape-ly appreciate you.
How do you know a tree is your friend? It never leaves you hanging.
What did the coffee say to its best pal? Thanks for brewing such a good person.
Why are friends like mushrooms? Because they are fun-guys to be around.
What do you call a friend who likes to dig? Doug.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance alone? Because he had no-body like you.
What did the lightbulb say to the other lightbulb? I love you watts and watts.
Why was the broom late for the friendship hangout? It over-swept.
What do you call a friend who is always at the beach? Sandy.
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems and no friends.
What did the clock say to its pal? See you in a second.
Why did the computer show up for the bestie? It wanted to connect.
What did the paper say to the pen? You are always write for me.
Why was the belt a good friend? It really held things together.
Valentine Names For Pets And Animal Friends
Maybe your best friend has four legs and a tail. Or maybe you just call your roommate a dog because they haven’t washed their dishes in three weeks. Either way, these names are top tier.
Fur-ever Pal
Bark-entine
Meow-mory
Buddy Boo
Purr-fect Mate
Snack Master
Tail-or Swift
Chewbacca
Bark-ley
Paw-asso
Sir Wags-a-lot
Claw-dia
Hiss-terical Friend
Woof-gang
Fido-licious
Corny Friendship Dad Jokes For The Group Chat
Nothing says happy Valentine’s Day like a joke that makes everyone in the group chat immediately mute the notifications. These are high-quality, low-effort masterpieces of comedy.
Why did the two bread slices get along so well? They had a very crumby sense of humor.
What did the triangle say to the circle on Valentine’s Day? You are totally pointless but I love you anyway.
How does a scientist say happy Valentine’s to a friend? I periodically think you are okay.
Why did the invisible man turn down his friend’s invite? He just couldn’t see himself going.
What do you call two birds that are best friends? Tweet-hearts who never fly away.
Short Friendship Captions For Instagram
You need something to post under that blurry photo of you two at 2 AM. These are short, punchy, and include just enough emojis to look like you actually put in effort.
Hanging with my best-tea today. ☕
You are the loaf of my life, buddy. 🍞
Thanks for being my ride or die pal. 🚗
We are the zest friends in the world. 🍋
Just a couple of smart-alecks hanging out. 🤓
You are shrimply the most iconic. 🍤
Nacho average friendship over here. 🧀
I donut know how I survived without you. 🍩
Truly mint to be besties forever. 🌱
My favorite human-bean in the universe. 🫘
The Ultimate Platonic Sign-Off
We hope these puns didn’t cause permanent damage to your social standing. If you actually sent these to your friends, we applaud your bravery and apologize for the inevitable blocked number.
Rating of Regret: 9.5/10 Cringes.
Would you like to see more ways to ruin your reputation? Check out our matcha puns or maybe some boba puns for your next coffee date.
The Friendship Inquiry Office
Do I have to send these to my best friend?
Legally, no. Morally, yes. If you don’t make them suffer through at least three of these, are you even a real bestie?
Will these puns help me get more friends?
Absolutely not. These will actually help you filter out the weak people who can’t handle your incredible wit.
Can I use these for a Valentine’s card?
If you want the recipient to question every life choice that led them to you, then go right ahead.
Are these puns considered a crime in some states?
Only in states where fun is prohibited and people take Valentine’s Day way too seriously.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
