Look, you probably forgot to buy a gift again. Or maybe you just want to annoy him with “words of affirmation” that double as psychological warfare. Either way, you are here for valentine puns for boyfriend because nothing says “I love you” like a groan-worthy play on words. We have collected the absolute worst (best) lines to scribble in a drugstore card five minutes before your dinner reservation. Let’s get this over with.
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, or so they say. It is probably actually through his arteries, but let’s stick to food jokes. If you are planning a dinner date, use these to ruin his appetite immediately.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
You have a pizza my heart.
Let’s taco ’bout how awesome you are.
I love you a waffle lot.
You are my butter half.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
I am soy into you.
You are soda-lightful.
I loaf you more than carbs.
We make a great pear.
I am nuts about you.
You are the apple of my eye.
I relish the time we ketchup.
You are berry special to me.
Let’s give them something to taco ’bout.
Animal Kingdom Romance for the Wild One
Nature is beautiful, but your relationship is probably messy. These puns are perfect if he likes critters or if you just want to compare him to a large, hairy mammal. If he loves otters, we have a whole separate issue (and article) for that.
I am otterly in love with you.
You are the bear-y best boyfriend.
Bee mine, honey.
I am not lion, you are the best.
Owl always love you.
You are a deer to me.
No bunny compares to you.
You are toad-ally awesome.
I am whale-y into you.
You are one in a chameleon.
We are turtle-y meant to be.
I am fawn-ed of you.
Let’s stick together like glue (or a gecko).
You are paws-itively amazing.
My love for you is furever.
Geeky Puns for the Player 2 in Your Life
If he spends more time on his console than looking at you, these are the romantic jokes you need. They prove you tolerate his hobbies, even if you don’t understand why he needs another mechanical keyboard.
You auto-complete me.
I will never desert you (Minecraft style).
You are the droid I was looking for.
I Choo-choose you, Pikachu.
You really press my buttons in a good way.
Our love is next level.
You have hacked my heart.
I would pause my game for you.
You are my player two.
I mario-nly have eyes for you.
Yoda one for me.
You look Sim-ply handsome.
My heart beats in 8-bit.
We have great chemistry, like a lab explosion.
You act like a rebel, but I know you love the empire of my heart.
Caffeinated Puns for the Morning Grouch
He cannot function without his bean juice, so appeal to his addiction. These are great for the morning text or a note left next to the coffee pot. If he drinks tea or matcha, we have specific insults for that too.
I like you a latte.
You mocha me crazy.
Words cannot espresso how much you mean to me.
We are the perfect blend.
You keep me grounded.
Thanks for bean mine.
I have been thinking about you a whole latte.
You are brewtiful in the morning.
We are meant to bean.
Sending you a whole lot of love and roast.
You perk me up.
I cannot cup with how cute you are.
You are my mug-nificent obsession.
I love you a matcha.
Don’t ever leave me, or I will be depresso.
Anatomical Puns That Are Barely Romantic
Nothing is sexier than discussing internal organs. These love puns focus on the body parts that keep you alive, which is arguably the bare minimum requirement for a boyfriend.
I heart you so much.
I only have eyes for you.
I love you with all my kidneys (it is bigger than the heart).
You are humerus.
I have a bone to pick with you; stop being so cute.
You make my heart skip a beat.
I lung you very much.
You have got some nerve looking that good.
I can feel it in my bones.
You take my breath away.
I kneed you.
We are attached at the hip.
I am head over heels.
You have a great brain on you.
I am totally vein about us.
Professional Puns for the Career Man
Is he married to his job? Remind him he is actually dating you. These work well if he is a doctor, in construction, or just works in an office cubicle farm.
We have a strong connection (WiFi style).
You are just what the doctor ordered.
I really dig you (Construction style).
Our love is off the charts.
You are a cut above the rest.
I am banking on us staying together.
You really measure up.
I wood never leave you.
We have concrete evidence of love.
You rule.
Let’s bolt together.
You light up my life (Electrician vibes).
I am sold on you.
Our stocks are rising.
You are a distinct asset.
Pet Names for Your Significant Other (That He Will Hate)
Calling him by his government name is too formal, but “Babe” is boring. Use these if you want him to cringe in public.
Captain Cuddle-Muffin.
Sir Snuggle-Butt.
Prince Charming-ish.
My Little Dumpling.
Stud-Muffin.
Honey-Badger.
Sugar-Booger.
Love-Nugget.
Pookie-Bear.
Cuddle-Saurus.
Hunky-Dory.
Sweet-Potato.
Tater-Tot.
Mister-Right-Now.
Gummy-Bear.
Corny Q&A Jokes for Date Night Silence
When the conversation dies down at the restaurant, pull these out. It will make the silence awkward instead of just boring.
What did the volcano say to his girlfriend? I lava you.
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?
Why did the painter break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t his type on paper.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? I am stuck on you.
Why do fungi make great boyfriends? Because they are fun-guys.
What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.
Why did the sheriff lock up his boyfriend? He stole his heart.
What did the cat say to his girlfriend? You are purr-fect.
Why are electricians good at relationships? They know how to spark a connection.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive.
Why did the calendar ask the girl out? It had a date.
What did the ghost say to his boo? You look spook-tacular.
Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around in relationships.
What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
Short Valentine Captions for Instagram
You need to post a picture to prove you are in a happy relationship. Here are the cute captions to paste under that blurry selfie.
I love you even when I am hungry. 🍔
Thanks for being my emergency contact. 🚑
You are my favorite notification. 📱
I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. ☕
Sorry for being crazy, thanks for sticking around. 🤪
You are the only person I would share my snacks with. 🍟
Swiped right, now we are here. ➡️
I love you mostly for your dog. 🐶
You are okay, I guess. ❤️
My favorite human bean. 🫘
The Relationship Status Update
You have reached the end of this list, which means you either found the perfect pun or you are reconsidering your life choices. Honestly, if he doesn’t laugh at the pizza joke, is he really the one? Probably not.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes.
Next Step: Go buy him a card, write “I love you a latte” inside, and accept your fate.
The Burning Questions of Love
Can I use these puns in a break-up text?
Technically yes, but saying “I am nacho girlfriend anymore” is a ruthless way to end things. We respect it.
Will these puns make him propose?
Absolutely not. In fact, they might delay the ring by another two years. Proceed with caution.
Are these puns suitable for a first date?
Only if you want it to be the last date. Use the Q&A section to really test his patience early on.
What if he doesn’t laugh?
Then he has no soul. Or maybe he just has good taste. Either way, check out our star wars dad jokes to see if the Force can save you.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
