Look, you are probably here because you need a caption for a picture of you doing absolutely nothing, or maybe you just vibe with an animal that grows moss on its back. Either way, we gathered the best sloth puns on the internet. We apologize for how long this took to put together. Our writers are incredibly lazy.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a pig? A slow pork.
How do sloths like their eggs? Slow-poached.
Why do sloths make terrible comedians? Their timing is way too slow.
What kind of cars do sloths drive? Slow-kswagens.
How do sloths eat their food? One very slow bite at a time.
What is a sloth’s favorite sport? Nothing, they just watch.
Why are sloths so good at meditating? They never rush the process.
What is a sloth’s favorite type of music? Slow jams.
How do you apologize to a sloth? You say sorry, eventually.
Why did the sloth bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house, but he gave up halfway.
Cute Sloth Captions for Instagram Naps
You took a selfie in bed. You need an excuse for why you cancelled plans. Copy and paste one of these and go back to sleep.
Currently operating at a sloth’s pace, please leave a message. 🦥💤
My spirit animal is whatever sleeps for twenty hours a day. 🌿🛌
Taking it sloth and steady this weekend, do not text me. 🚫📱
Just hanging around and avoiding all of my adult responsibilities. 🌳🙃
I was going to be productive today, but I chose sloth-care instead. 💅😴
If there is a nap competition anywhere, I am taking home the gold. 🥇💤
Moving fast is highly overrated, stay in bed folks. 🛌✌️
Channeling my inner jungle creature and refusing to leave this blanket. 🌿🦦
Sorry I cannot make it, my sloth energy is way too strong today. 🦥🥱
Today’s mood is just hanging from a metaphorical branch. 🌳💆♀️
Officially Out of Sloth Motivation
That is it. We are too tired to write anymore.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes. If you somehow survived this entire list without falling asleep, drop a comment below or send this to a friend who desperately needs to wake up.
The Slow-Paced Sloth Inquiries
You have questions about these lazy legends. We have slightly unhelpful answers.
Do sloths actually make good pets?
Absolutely not. They belong in the jungle, and honestly, they would just judge you for how fast you drink your iced lattes.
Why are sloths so incredibly slow?
They have a ridiculously slow metabolism. They are basically running on internet dial-up while the rest of the animal kingdom has fiber optics.
Can a sloth swim?
Surprisingly, yes. They are actually faster in the water than on land, which is terrifying if you think about a wet sloth swimming toward you in the ocean.
How often do sloths leave their trees?
About once a week to use the bathroom. Imagine holding it for seven days. That takes true dedication to laziness.
Are there different types of sloths?
Yes, two-toed and three-toed. It is a very creative naming system by scientists who were clearly also feeling lazy that day.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
