Look, we know why you are here. You need a joke about a semi-aquatic marine mammal, and you need it fast. Maybe you are trying to impress a marine biologist, or maybe you just ran out of things to talk about on a date. We don’t judge. We just provide the blubbery content. Here is a collection of puns that are guaranteed to make everyone in the room groan in unison.
These are the bread and butter of the pinniped world. If you are looking for high art, you are in the wrong place, but if you want jokes that barely make sense, we have got you covered.
This list definitely gets my seal of approval.
It is time to seal the deal on this business proposal.
I think our fate is sealed.
My lips are sealed regarding that secret.
Don’t be silly, you are a great swimmer.
I am going to the club tonight, but just to dance.
That argument was so intense, it really sealed our friendship.
Stop barking up the wrong tree.
I have a feeling that tonight is going to be a good night.
Let’s seal this envelope and send it off.
You really need to work on your seal-f control.
That performance was absolutely seal-sational.
I am not lazy, I am just enjoying some seal-esta time.
We need to seal the cracks in the window.
Can you keep a secret? My lips are sealed.
Sea Lion Jokes That Aren’t Lying Around
People always confuse seals and sea lions, mostly because nobody pays attention in biology class. The main difference is the ears, but the main similarity is that they both make terrible pun material.
I am not lion, that water is cold.
I can sea clearly now the rain is gone.
You have to have lion eyes to spot fish in this murky water.
Stop lion around and get a job.
I am the mane attraction at the aquarium.
You are really sea-ing things if you think I am moving.
Let’s go sea what all the fuss is about.
That sea lion has a lot of pride.
I am shore you will figure it out eventually.
Don’t be so shellfish, share the rock.
I am having a roaring good time sea-ing you.
That joke was a roaring success.
I prefer the sea-nic route when I swim.
He is the king of the beach.
I am not just any animal, I am a dandy-lion of the sea.
Ocean Animal Puns Because Seals Get Lonely
Seals don’t live in a vacuum; they live in the ocean with a bunch of other weird creatures. If you enjoy these, you should probably check out our ocean puns or our fish dad jokes for more underwater disappointment.
I am feeling a bit crabby today.
You are shrimply the best friend I have.
Don’t be such a beach.
I am whale-y happy to see you.
That is turtle-y awesome news.
Let’s shell-ebrate your birthday.
I am hooked on you.
Please kelp me, I am stuck.
Whatever floats your boat.
I am just going with the flow.
Water you dune later?
Don’t get tide down by the details.
I wave back whenever I see a boat.
Are you squidding me right now?
This place is fin-tastic.
Cute Seal Captions For Your Wet Instagram Posts
Sometimes you just need a caption for a picture of a seal looking sad and wet. If you are also posting about river puppies, you might want to look at our otter love puns for inspiration.
Just hanging out with my buoys.
I am shore going to miss this view.
Sealed with a fish.
Living my best life vest.
I am just a pup looking for a snack.
Don’t stop retrieving.
Feeling fin and fancy.
Current mood: Blubber and chill.
Making a splash and sea-ing the world.
Just floating through life.
Salty but sweet.
This is my happy place.
Sea you later, alligator.
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Having a whale of a time.
Water Puns For Slippery Situations
Since seals spend half their life wet, we legally have to include water puns. If you are planning a trip to the islands, our Hawaii puns might also float your boat.
Water you waiting for?
I mist you so much.
It is time to tide up loose ends.
Don’t be such a drip.
I am over whelmed by this ocean.
That is deep, really deep.
I am in hot water now.
Let that sink in for a minute.
I prefer still water because I am lazy.
Don’t make waves at work.
You are un-fathom-able.
I will sea you on the other side.
Just go with the float.
I am drowning in work.
H2-Oh no you didn’t.
Funny Names For Seals
If you bought a pet seal (which is illegal, by the way), you would need a name. Here are some names that will make your vet sigh heavily when you walk in.
Here is the Q&A section where logic goes to die. These are perfect for reciting to children who are unable to walk away from you.
What is a seal’s favorite subject in school? Art, Art, Art.
What keeps a seal’s house safe? The seal-ing.
Why did the seal cross the road? To get to the other tide.
What do you call a seal that can perform magic? A seal-usionist.
Why do seals swim in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What is a seal’s favorite drink? Coca-Koala (wait, wrong animal, let’s go with Matcha).
What kind of money do seals use? Sand dollars.
Why did the seal get married? He found his sole mate.
What do you call a happy seal? An optimist.
Why don’t seals get lost? They always follow the current events.
Short Seal Captions for Instagram
You took the photo at the zoo, now you need the engagement. Paste these into your phone and wait for the likes to trickle in.
Sealed with a kiss 💋
Just going with the flow 🌊
Living the pug life of the sea 🐶
Current mood: Blubbery 🐋
I am shore you love this pic 🏖️
Don’t be silly, be sealing 🦭
Ocean child 🌊
Vitamin Sea needed 💊
Barking mad for the weekend 🗣️
Feeling fintastic today 💅
The Official Seal-off
We have officially run out of seal jokes. If you are still reading this, we assume you are procrastinating on something very important. We rate this post a solid 8/10 Cringes. Please close your browser and go do something productive, or click on another link and make your day worse.
Don’t Ask, Just Seal
What do you call a seal in winter?
A little chili. Get it? Like the pepper, but cold.
Are seals just water dogs?
Basically, yes. They bark, they have whiskers, and they will absolutely steal your lunch if you aren’t looking.
Do seals like puns?
No. They prefer shellfish. Puns are too dry for them.
Why are seal puns so bad?
Because they are usually crafted on porpoise to be annoying.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
