Welcome to the waiting area of the internet where the wait times are long and the humor is generic. You are likely here because you have been standing on your feet for twelve hours counting pills by fives or you are a student desperately trying to memorize drug interactions before a final exam. We understand your pain and we offer zero clinical advice. We only offer bad jokes that we synthesized in a basement without FDA approval. We do not accept insurance and there is a copay of your dignity required to read further.
We keep these locked behind the counter because they are too potent for the general public to handle without supervision.
I tried to make a joke about the pharmacy but I have amnesia and forgot the punchline.
The pharmacist is great at his job because he knows the drill.
I have a prescription for laughter but the dosage is too low.
We had to fire the employee who kept dropping the tablets on the floor.
The chemist was arrested because he was dealing with some sketchy substances.
I wanted to be a pharmacist but I didn’t have the patience.
Never argue with a pharmacist because they have all the solutions.
The medicine bottle and the cap had a fight but they made up.
I accidentally took my cat’s medication and now I’m feeling purr-fect.
The pharmacist broke up with her boyfriend because he was a pain killer.
I asked the chemist for a watch that tells time and dispenses pills but he said that’s a waste of time.
My friend got a job at the drug store and now he is a counter productive employee.
The sleeping pills were on sale so I bought a lot.
I went to the pharmacy to buy some camouflage cream but I couldn’t see any.
You have to be careful with pharmacy puns because they can be habit forming.
Pharmacist Jokes That Require A Consultation
These people count by fives in their sleep and judge your lifestyle choices based on your prescriptions so they deserve a dedicated section.
Being a pharmacist is easy if you know the drill.
I told the pharmacist my doctor writes like a chicken and he said that is an insult to chickens.
The pharmacist wears a white coat so you know he is serious.
I asked the pharmacist if he had anything for a headache and he gave me a look.
The new pharmacist is very popular because he has a magnetic personality.
I went to the pharmacy to find a cure for my obsession with puns.
The pharmacist got a promotion because he was outstanding in his field.
They call him the 007 of the pharmacy because he has a license to pill.
If you annoy the pharmacist they might give you a taste of your own medicine.
The pharmacist refused to sell me invisible ink because he couldn’t see the prescription.
I asked the pharmacist for the wifi password and he said it’s encrypted.
My pharmacist friend is so rich he has a pill-ar in front of his house.
The pharmacist was late to work because he got stuck in a traffic jam.
I tried to tell a joke about a pharmacist but it required a consultation.
The pharmacist is always calm because he knows how to suppress his anger.
Prescription Jokes You Can Actually Read
Doctors write like chickens scratching in dirt but we translated these jokes into legible English for you to consume safely.
The doctor wrote a prescription for a new boat and called it a sea script.
I lost my prescription and now I have no clue what to do.
The prescription was written in invisible ink so I couldn’t fill it.
I tried to read the doctor’s handwriting but it was a mystery.
The prescription said take two jokes and call me in the morning.
My prescription expired so now I am out of luck.
The doctor wrote a prescription for a hug but the pharmacy was out.
I need a prescription for more time in the day.
The prescription paper was so expensive it cost a fortune.
I tried to forge a prescription but I got caught.
The prescription was for a daily dose of irony.
I handed the pharmacist a blank piece of paper and he said this is pointless.
The doctor’s signature looked like a worm having a seizure.
I got a prescription for glasses but I still can’t see the point.
The prescription was written on a napkin so it was tearable.
Drug Store Puns Found In Aisle Four
Between the overpriced greeting cards and the candy aisle lies the true comedy gold of retail suffering that keeps us all going.
The drug store is my favorite place to shop.
I got lost in the drug store and now I live in aisle five.
The candy bar at the checkout counter was calling my name.
I bought a birthday card at the drug store and it cost an arm and a leg.
The drug store music is always playing the hits from the 80s.
I went to the drug store for milk and left with a lawn chair.
The cashier at the drug store judged my purchase.
I bought some shampoo at the drug store and now my hair is clean.
The drug store is the only place you can buy vitamins and candy at the same time.
I tried to steal a candy bar from the drug store but the security guard was watching.
The drug store receipt was longer than a CVS receipt.
I bought some batteries at the drug store and now I am charged up.
The drug store was out of stock so I had to go to the other one.
I love the smell of the drug store in the morning.
The drug store is where dreams go to expire.
Tablet and Capsule Puns That Are Hard To Swallow
If you crush these jokes they might taste bitter but they go down smoother with a glass of water and a lot of resentment.
I have a hard time swallowing pills but these jokes go down easy.
The capsule was jealous of the tablet because he was a little rounder.
I dropped a pill on the floor and now it’s a ground breaker.
The vitamin C tablet is very social because it’s always in a pack.
I took a pill for my kleptomania and now I’m taking everything.
The tablet went to school to become a smart pill.
I cut the pill in half because I wanted to share.
The capsule said to the tablet you are looking very pressed today.
I took a chill pill but I’m still warm.
The pill bottle is empty so I am full of sadness.
I took a memory pill but I forgot to take it.
The placebo pill is feeling very fake today.
I took a sleeping pill and woke up in a dream.
The tablet was feeling blue so I gave it some space.
I took a pain pill and now I feel nothing.
Side Effects May Include Groaning At These Puns
Consult your doctor if your laughter lasts for more than four hours because that is definitely not normal for this website or anyone really.
One side effect of this joke is extreme confusion.
I read the side effects and now I am scared.
The medicine made me drowsy so I took a nap.
I have a headache from reading all these side effects.
The side effects include nausea and a loss of patience.
I took the medicine and now I can’t stop singing.
The side effects are worse than the cure.
I am allergic to side effects so I avoid them.
The warning label said do not operate heavy machinery.
I ignored the side effects and now I regret everything.
The side effects list was longer than a novel.
I got dizzy reading the side effects so I sat down.
The main side effect is a dry sense of humor.
I experienced some swelling of the ego.
The side effects may vary based on your tolerance.
Pharmaceutical Names For Pets With Anxiety
Naming your cat after a beta-blocker is peak behavior for a healthcare professional who spends too much time staring at inventory screens.
Xan (Short for Xanax because he chills out)
Molly (A classic but we know what you mean)
Vic (Short for Vicodin because he is a pain)
Addy (Short for Adderall because he zooms)
Val (Short for Valium for the lazy dog)
Lexi (Short for Lexapro for the nervous pup)
Benny (Short for Benadryl when he sleeps)
Amoxy (For the pink fish)
Zolo (For the solo cat)
Pro (Short for Prozac)
Celexa (Sounds like a fancy cat name)
Ritalin (For the hamster on the wheel)
Ativan (call him Van for short)
Klonopin (call him Pin)
Seroquel (call him Que)
Corny Pharmacist Dad Jokes (Generic Equivalents)
These are the generic versions of brand name jokes so they are cheaper but just as effective at annoying people at the dinner table.
Why did the pill go to school? To become a smart drug.
Why was the pharmacist quiet? He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
What did the pharmacist say to the sick guy? Get well soon.
Why did the bacteria cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.
Why do pharmacists like helium? Because it has no reaction.
What do you call a pharmacist who fixes lamps? A light worker.
Why did the aspirin fail the test? It was a little flakey.
What is a pharmacist’s favorite tree? The chemist-tree.
Why did the germ cross the road? To infect the other side.
What do you call a frozen pill? A chill pill.
Why are pharmacists good at baseball? They know the count.
What did the medicine say to the sugar? You make the medicine go down.
Why was the pharmacy book so heavy? It had too much information.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the cell phone go to the pharmacy? It lost its contacts.
Short Medicine Captions For Instagram Flexing
For when you need to post a selfie in your white coat to prove to your mom you actually have a job and aren’t just playing video games.
Living the pharmacy life one script at a time 💊
Keep calm and trust your pharmacist 🥼
My life is a constant cycle of counting by fives ✋
Just a pill popper in a legal way 🏥
Pharmacy squad goals achieved today 💉
Dealing drugs legally since graduation 🎓
Prescription for success and coffee ☕
White coat syndrome is real folks 🩺
Counting sheep and pills all night 🐑
Pharmacy school survivor right here 📚
The Refill Limit Has Been Reached
We have officially dispensed all the humor we had in stock and now we are just counting down the minutes until we can close the gate. If you enjoyed this you probably need a checkup because your taste in comedy is concerning. You can go read our Clean Funny Jokes For Work if you want to annoy your colleagues or check out Funny Jokes For Nurses if you want to see who has it worse than you. If you are drinking caffeine to survive this shift go read Coffee Dad Jokes.
Rating of Regret: 10/10 expired prescriptions.
Next Step: Please close this tab before the HIPAA police find us.
The Consultation Window Questions
Can I return this joke if I didn’t laugh?
No, all sales are final once you read the punchline. There are no refunds on wasted time here.
Do I need a prescription to read these puns?
Technically no, but it would explain why you are here voluntarily.
Are these puns FDA approved?
Absolutely not. These are unregulated supplements of humor that have not been evaluated for safety or efficacy.
Can I mix these puns with alcohol?
We actually recommend it. It makes them seem much funnier than they actually are.
Will these puns cure my boredom?
They will likely replace your boredom with a mild sense of irritation which is basically the same thing as being alive.
Why does it take so long to read these?
Because we have to verify your insurance coverage for bad comedy before we can release the rest of the text.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
