Look, we know why you are here. You ate way too many carbs and now you need to justify your food coma with some terrible wordplay. We are not judging you. In fact, we are literally enabling you. Here is a steaming pile of pasta puns that will make your Italian ancestors weep. We apologize in advance for what you are about to read.
There is nothing quite like ruining a perfectly good family dinner with a joke that makes everyone groan. Pass the parmesan and get ready to lose some friends.
I am feeling a little saucy tonight.
You just pasta the test with flying colors.
Do not be such a pest-o.
This meal is totally pre-pasta-rous.
I am absolutely tortellini in love with you.
That is a recipe for a dis-pasta.
You are a total im-pasta.
I literally cannot brie-lieve how good this macaroni is.
Let us ketchup over some spaghetti later.
He is a real macaroni and cheese.
She has a lot of penne up anger.
I am feeling totally cannelloni right now.
This situation has spiraled out of fusilli.
You are looking macnificent today.
I knead more carbs in my life immediately.
Slippery Noodle Puns for Ramen Fanatics
If you prefer your carbs in a bowl of hot broth, we have got you covered too. Slurp down these noodle puns while you sit there and rethink your life choices.
Use your noodle for once in your life.
Send noods immediately.
I am just a hopeless ramen-tic.
This is the best pho-king meal ever.
Oodles of noodles for my favorite person.
You are my everything bagel, wait wrong carb entirely.
Stop being so chow mein to me.
I am just udon with all this daily drama.
Let us get lo mein tonight and stay inside.
That is a very soba-ing thought.
I am feeling a bit strained today.
You are looking very bowl today my friend.
Keep calm and ramen on.
Do not act like a wet noodle.
I am totally slurping up this neighborhood gossip.
Tragic Italian Food Jokes That Hurt
Italy has given the world beautiful art and rich history. We are paying them back with these horrific italian food jokes.
Grab a pizza the action.
You have successfully stolen a pizza my heart.
I am currently stuck in a serious calzone.
That guy is a real weird-dough.
I am feeling incredibly grate today.
You are the ziti to my heart.
Let us give them something to taco about, oops wrong country again.
I need some extra thyme to finish baking this lasagna.
This situation is entirely too cheesy.
I am basil-ly a genius.
You are looking extremely gouda tonight.
Do not make me wine about this meal.
We really make a grape pear.
I am constantly prosciutto-ing my dreams.
That is simply olive you need to know.
Long Spaghetti Jokes to Twirl Your Fork At
Eating long pasta is an athletic event that requires focus and deep determination. These spaghetti jokes are equally exhausting to get through.
Uh oh, spaghetti-os.
I am getting ready for a spaghetti western movie marathon.
Stop throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks.
That is a completely tangled mess.
You are acting a little stringy with the sauce tonight.
I am at the end of my rope with this heavy dish.
Let us twirl the night away on the dance floor.
He is very slender just like a noodle.
Do not get your strings in a big bunch.
This is a deeply intertwined conspiracy theory.
I am feeling very sauced after that second glass of wine.
You are acting like a real meatball right now.
That was a very slick move.
I am literally boiling mad about this.
This meal is getting way too heavy for my stomach.
Ridiculous Pasta Names for Pets
Naming your dog after a carbohydrate is a deeply millennial urge that we fully support. Here are some terrible names for your innocent animals.
Macaroni
Rigatoni
Penne
Linguine
Ravioli
Ziti
Gnocchi
Farfalle
Orzo
Bucatini
Pappardelle
Campanelle
Tortellini
Fettuccine
Lasagna
Corny Pasta Dad Jokes to Ruin the Vibe
Fathers everywhere thrive on jokes that make their children want to emancipate themselves. Hand these over to your dad and run away quickly.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Where did the spaghetti go to dance? The meatball.
What do you call a sick pasta? Mac n sneeze.
Why wouldn’t the ravioli leave the house? It was feeling a little stuffed.
What is the most ghostly kind of pasta? Fettuccine afraido.
How does a noodle answer the phone? Aloha mac.
Why did the tortellini win the race? Because it was pasta than everyone else.
What do you say to an angry noodle? Simmer down.
How do you say goodbye to an Italian chef? Pasta la vista.
What kind of pasta do they eat in the army? Chef Boyardee.
What does a noodle do when it gets scared? It hides in its shell.
Why was the penne always getting in trouble? It lacked a lot of common cents.
What is a dog’s favorite kind of pasta? Collar-tini.
What do you call pasta that is sick of your attitude? Al dente.
Why did the macaroni cross the road? To get to the cheese shop.
Carb Loading Captions for Instagram
If you ate a massive plate of carbs and did not post it on social media, did it even really happen? Use these carb loading captions to secure those likes.
I am just a girl standing in front of a bowl of pasta asking it to not make me gain weight. 🍝
Carb loading for a marathon I have absolutely no intention of running today or ever. 🏃♀️
You cannot make everyone happy because you are not a bowl of macaroni and cheese. 🧀
I followed my heart and it led me straight to the breadsticks. 🥖
Pasta la vista baby, I am going into a deep food coma right now. 😴
My exact love language is someone handing me a giant bowl of spaghetti. 🍝
I am officially in my carb era and I refuse to apologize for it. ✨
Eat the pasta, ignore the haters, and take a long nap. 🛌
I am an impasta pretending to have my life together today. 🎭
I am just a human garbage disposal for anything covered in garlic and butter. 🧄
Maximum Noodle Capacity Reached
If you made it this far down the page, you either have an iron stomach or a terrible sense of humor.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes.
If you hated this, please share it with your worst enemy so they have to suffer through it too. Drop a comment below if we missed any of your favorite terrible jokes.
The Boiling Pot of Pasta Queries
People search the internet for the weirdest things when they are hungry. We compiled the most unhinged questions and answered them with zero nutritional expertise.
Can you eat raw pasta?
You can technically eat dirt too, but that does not make it a good idea. Save your teeth and boil some water first.
Does breaking spaghetti in half bring bad luck?
Yes, specifically the bad luck of an Italian grandmother haunting your dreams forever. Do not do it under any circumstances.
Is macaroni a vegetable?
If you cover it in enough green pesto, we will legally allow you to count it as a salad.
Why is my pasta always sticky?
Because you are impatient and did not use enough water in the pot. Do better next time.
What is the absolute best shape of pasta?
Whatever shape is currently sitting in the bowl directly in front of my face.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
