Welcome to the corner of the internet where we watch paint dry and make jokes about it. If you are here, you are likely procrastinating on a DIY project that has gone horribly wrong, or you are a professional painter looking for something to numb the pain of sanding drywall. We do not judge. We just provide the content that makes you question your life choices.
Painting Puns That Will Make You Gloss Over Reality
Painting is 10% skill and 90% hoping nobody notices the drip marks. Whether you are using a roller or a tiny brush because you hate yourself, these puns are here to help. Or hurt. Probably hurt.
I am not sure if I am a good artist, but I can definitely draw a crowd.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a famous painter, so I had to put my foot down.
That painter is really struggling; he is just going through a phase.
I tried to paint the sky, but I just could not get the blue right.
Never trust an artist who uses graphite; they are always a bit sketchy.
I wanted to be a painter, but I did not have the palette for it.
The art gallery was empty because the exhibit was just a blank space.
You really have to easel into this kind of humor.
I got into a fight with a canvas, and I think I was framed.
This job is exhausting; I am ready to brush it off.
He was a great painter, but he had a very colorful past.
I am trying to be more artistic, but it is a stretch.
Don’t worry about the mess; we can just gloss over it.
I asked the painter for a discount, and he gave me a blank stare.
My career as an artist really tanked after I ran out of red paint.
Wall Paint Jokes For When You Are Watching It Dry
If you have ever stared at a wall waiting for it to change color, you know the true definition of boredom. It is almost as bad as reading Funny Plumber Jokes when your toilet is overflowing. Almost.
Why did the paint blush? Because it saw the wall naked.
I am feeling very emulsion-al about this renovation.
That wall is so rude; it is completely plastered.
I told the primer a joke, and it was a great base for humor.
The ceiling and the floor are not speaking; there is too much tension between them.
I am on my third coat of paint, and I am totally over it.
Why do painters always win arguments? Because they know how to cover their tracks.
This room is so small, I can barely finish a sentence in here.
I bought some cheap paint, and now I am dealing with the fallout.
My walls are so thin, they are basically transparent.
I tried to paint a fence, but I took offense to the color.
Renovating is easy if you have a concrete plan.
I am not lazy; I am just waiting for the drying process.
The painter was fired because he just could not stick to the schedule.
I have a hunch that this wall is not straight.
Color Puns That Are A Pigment of Your Imagination
Colors are everywhere, kind of like Dirty Plant Puns in a botanical garden. If you are arguing with your spouse about the difference between “Eggshell” and “Cloud White,” these are for you.
I am feeling really blue about this project.
That shade of red is extremely rad.
I am green with envy over your perfectly painted trim.
Yellow is such a bright idea for a kitchen.
Don’t be so violet; calm down.
I am tickled pink that you finished the ceiling.
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana yellow?
That color is mint to be.
I am looking for a silver lining in this mess.
This room is pure gold.
I am stuck in a grey area with this design.
That brown paint is really grounding.
I need to black out this mistake immediately.
White is the absence of color, or just a lack of imagination.
This teal is really stealing the show.
Artist Jokes For The Creative and The Confused
Artists are deep, complex souls who usually need a hug and a loan. If you think you are the next Picasso because you bought a beret, check out these jokes. They are almost as tragic as Book Title Puns.
Why did the artist break up with the easel? He needed more space.
Sculptors are okay, but they tend to take things for granite.
I used to be an artist, but I could not get the picture.
My art teacher told me to draw the curtains, so I made a sketch of the drapes.
Why are artists so good at solving crimes? They know how to draw conclusions.
I am friends with a surrealist painter; he is a real dreamer.
Abstract art is great; it really messy with your head.
Why did the painter go to jail? He was caught con-vasing.
I bought a painting of a dog, but it was a paw imitation.
The artist was terrible; he had no perspective on life.
I tried to eat a painting, but it was too oily.
Why did the artist get kicked out of the party? He was making a scene.
I drew a picture of a sheep, and it was not baaa-d.
My friend is a collage artist; he really knows how to paste himself.
I am not an artist, but I can fake it until I make it.
Corny Painting Dad Jokes
Here are the jokes that your dad tells the guy at the hardware store while you stand there in silence, wishing you were invisible.
What do you call a painting by a cat? A paw-trait.
Why did the painter take a cold shower? To wash off the acrylics.
What is a painter’s favorite time of day? The golden hour.
How do you comfort a sad painter? There, there, don’t cry over spilled paint.
What do you call a painter who only paints in the dark? Blind.
Why was the paint can so heavy? It was full of lead-ership.
Funny Names For Your Paint Brushes
You have been staring at these brushes for six hours. You might as well name them. It is cheaper than therapy.
Bristle Crowe
Harry Painter
Leonardo DiBrushio
Paintrick Swayze
Bob Ross’s Ghost
The Streak
Sloppy Joe
The Splatter Master
Fuzzy Wuzzy
Sir Mix-A-Lot
The Drip King
Brush Almighty
Vincent Van Goat
Roller Girl
The Finisher
Short Painting Captions for Instagram
Let everyone know you are suffering through a renovation without actually saying it. Use these captions to mask the pain.
Just here for the fumes and the tunes. 🎨
Watching paint dry is my new cardio. 😴
I’m not messy, I’m creatively chaotic. 🖌️
This is my masterpiece of mistakes. 🖼️
Living that high gloss life on a matte budget. 💸
If you need me, I’ll be in the paint aisle crying. 😭
Current mood: Primer and panic. 😱
Just a girl trying to paint her world. 🌍
Oops, I did it again (spilled the paint). 🎶
Relationship status: Committed to this wall. 💍
Questions We Glossed Over
You have questions about painting. We have answers that are technically correct but mostly unhelpful.
Can I paint over wallpaper?
You can do anything if you believe in yourself and don’t care about the consequences. But generally, it will look like a textured mistake.
How long does paint take to dry?
It takes exactly one minute longer than the amount of time you wait before touching it to check.
Do I really need to use primer?
Do you really need to floss? No, but things get ugly if you don’t. Primer covers your sins. Use it.
Why does my paint look different on the wall?
Because the lighting in the store is designed to deceive you, and your home lighting is designed to expose your flaws.
The Glossy Finish Line
We have covered everything from bad puns to questionable advice. If you are still reading this, you probably have paint in your hair. We rate this experience a solid 8/10 Splatters. Now go wash your brushes before they turn into rocks.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
