Look, we know why you are here. You either have a weird obsession with North America’s only marsupial, or you just really identify with the lifestyle of eating trash and screaming at your own reflection. We aren’t here to judge, we are just here to deliver the opossum puns you unfortunately asked for. We apologize for the smell in advance.
They carry babies in a pouch, they have too many teeth, and they look like anxiety wrapped in gray fur. Here are some general jokes to make your friends hiss at you.
You are absolutely o-possum.
This situation is totally im-paws-ible.
Don’t be such a pouch potato.
I think that is a possum-bility.
Let’s hang out sometime soon.
Stop playing dead and listen to me.
I am just screaming for attention.
That is the tail of the century.
You really tick me off sometimes.
I can vouch for that marsupial.
Don’t make a hiss-y fit.
That is dead serious funny.
Let’s get down to hiss-ness.
I am feeling a bit gray today.
Keep your paws off my garbage.
Short Possum Puns for Quick regret
Sometimes the “O” is silent, just like these animals are right before they open their mouths to terrify you. These possum puns are short, snappy, and painful.
That is possum-ably the worst joke ever.
Don’t be so possum-istic.
Anything is possum-ble with caffeine.
I am in a paws-itive mood.
Let’s press paws on this movie.
Have a blossom day.
I’m just playing possum.
Possum up, dude.
Sending good vibes and garbage.
Just hanging around.
Don’t get rat-ty with me.
Pure aws-sum energy.
Tail me about it.
A marsupial error occurred.
That is trash (complimentary).
Trash Opossum Memes and Garbage Jokes
They are the kings and queens of the dumpster, and honestly, we should respect the hustle. These jokes are dedicated to the trash opossum memes you look at at 3 AM.
I am literal trash.
Bin there, done that.
Taking out the garb-age.
Living my best dumpster life.
Don’t talk trash about my family.
One man’s trash is an opossum’s treasure.
I refuse to refuse.
Litter-ally the best day ever.
Waste not, want not.
I’m feeling rubbish today.
Can you believe this mess?
Just a heap of trouble.
Scrap that idea immediately.
Dumpster diver certification.
Keep it clean (just kidding).
Opossum Birthday Puns to Ruin the Party
Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a creature that lives only two years and eats ticks for breakfast. Use these opossum birthday puns to confuse your relatives.
Have a screm-ing good birthday.
Let’s getting trash-ed tonight.
Another year closer to playing dead.
Happy Birth-tail to you.
I got you a little pouch-ent.
You are aging im-paws-ibly well.
Let’s eat cake out of the bin.
Hiss a very happy birthday.
Don’t pass out, play dead instead.
Have a tick-lish birthday.
You are o-possum at any age.
Let’s hang from the rafters.
Party like a marsupial.
Make a fish (wish) in the trash.
Don’t cry, it’s just a number.
Romantic Puns for Your Significant Other
Even garbage animals need love, and nothing says romance like showing your teeth. Send these to someone who tolerates you.
I dig you like a trash can.
You are my mate for life.
I would die (play dead) for you.
You make my heart scream.
Give me a hiss.
I vouch for our love.
We are the perfect match.
Don’t ever leave me hanging.
You are drop dead gorgeous.
Let’s snuggle in the refuse.
You really teeth my interest.
I am stuck on you.
My love for you is nocturnal (keeps me up).
You are the king of my heap.
Let’s make some noise.
Workplace Jokes for the Daily Grind
Trying to survive capitalism while wanting to sleep 18 hours a day is a mood. These jokes are for the office slack channel.
I missed the dead-line.
This meeting could have been a scream.
I am currently un-available (playing dead).
Just hanging in there.
Working the night shift again.
I need a raise or some fruit.
My boss is a real rat.
Office politics are garbage.
I am pouch-ing this stapler.
Let’s circle back to the dumpster.
Tail-oring the report now.
I am faking productivity.
Screaming internally at my desk.
Please don’t hiss at the intern.
It’s a jungle out here.
Funny Opossum Names for Pets
If you are weird enough to rescue one of these, or you just have a very ugly cat, here are some names that fit.
These names are trash, just like they like it.
Oprah-ssum
Pouch-ahontas
Trash-ley
Neil deGrasse Opossum
Awesom-O
Blossom
Screech
Rigby
Bandit
Garbage
Binny
Stinky
Hissy Elliot
Mars (short for Marsupial)
Dead-pool
Corny Opossum Dad Jokes
You wanted the funny opossum jokes that make people groan? Fine. We formatted these so you can read them quickly before someone punches you.
Why did the opossum cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken (or to play dead in the middle).
What do you call a possum with no hair? A peach.
Why was the opossum arrested? For playing dead to get out of a ticket.
What is an opossum’s favorite drink? Coca-Cola (because of the hissing sound).
Where do opossums go on vacation? The Great Barrier Re-fuse.
What do you call a rich opossum? A possum-aire.
Why are opossums bad liars? You can always tell when they are playing.
What kind of car does a possum drive? A Garb-age truck.
How do opossums say hello? With a hiss and a miss.
Why did the opossum bring a ladder? To reach the top shelf trash.
Short Opossum Captions for Instagram
You took a picture of a rat-looking thing in your backyard. Congratulations. Here are the captions to go with it.
Felt cute, might scream at my own ass later. 😱
Living that trash lifestyle. 🗑️
Screaming is my love language. 🗣️
Just hanging around waiting for the weekend. 🙃
If you can’t handle me at my hissing, you don’t deserve me at my playing dead. 💅
Eat trash, hail Satan (just kidding, maybe). 😈
Current mood (insert picture of screaming possum). 📸
Anxiety with fur. 🐀
Night mode: Activated. 🌙
Sorry for what I said when I was hungry. 🍟
The Final Heap of Regret
We hope you hated these puns. Honestly, if you read this far, we are worried about you. Opossum puns are a niche market, and you have cornered it.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes. Next Step: Go look at a picture of a regular cat to cleanse your palate.
Questions You Shouldn’t Ask About Opossums
Do they actually hang by their tails?
Only the babies. Adults are too heavy and fat from eating your leftovers to do that cool dangle thing.
Why do they scream so much?
They actually don’t scream that often. They mostly just hiss and click. The screaming is usually inside your own head.
Are they related to rats?
No. They are marsupials. They are basically ugly kangaroos that gave up on hopping and chose violence instead.
Is it okay to pet one?
If you want to lose a finger and get a rabies shot (even though they rarely carry rabies), sure. Go for it.
Why do they play dead?
It is an involuntary fear response. Basically, they get so scared they pass out. Relatable, honestly.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
