Look, you willingly Googled New York puns. You could be reading a tragic novel or learning how to do your taxes, but instead, you want cheap wordplay about rats, pizza, and paying $4000 a month for a closet. We respect the lack of ambition. Grab an overpriced iced coffee and let the cringe flow through you. We apologize in advance.
The Absolute Worst New York Puns to Yell in Times Square
Times Square is already a chaotic nightmare of slow walkers and aggressive mascots, so adding these awful puns to the mix will not even register as the most annoying thing happening. Here are the worst offenders.
I am in a New York state of mind, but mostly I am just broke.
Stop Hudson my style, I am trying to hail a yellow cab.
I am totally ferry in love with this skyline.
Let us be Frank, this city never sleeps because of the sirens.
This trip is going exactly as PlaNYCed.
I am soho over these expensive tourist traps.
You are looking quite Empire today in that outfit.
Do not be a bridge too far, let us hang out in Brooklyn instead.
I am having a ferry good time, despite the smell of the subway grates.
This city is a lot to process, much like my credit card statements.
We are taking a massive bite out of the Big Apple.
Are you kidding me with this foot traffic? Oh wait, it is just Midtown.
Big Apple Captions for Photos of Garbage Bags on the Sidewalk
Your Instagram followers do not need to know your hotel room is the size of a shoe box. Distract them from reality with these big apple captions that scream “I paid too much for this vacation.”
Taking a huge bite out of my savings account. 🍎💸
Living that core memory lifestyle in the city. 🍏✨
Trying not to get peeled away by the massive crowds. 🗽🚶♂️
Feeling absolutely juicy in the concrete jungle. 🧃🚕
I am the apple of this city’s tired eyes. 🍎👀
Just planting some seeds of chaos on 5th Avenue. 🌱🏢
This trip is completely orchard out of this world. 🌳🏙️
Do not let anyone treat you like a bad apple. 🍏🙅♀️
Finding my true core values at a sample sale. 🍎💳
A little slice of heaven, mixed with exhaust fumes. 🍰🚕
Keeping the doctor away, one apple martini at a time. 🩺🍸
This vacation is strictly for fruitful endeavors only. 🧺🗽
Statue of Liberty and Manhattan Jokes That Barely Make Cents
Manhattan jokes are a lot like the rent (too high and deeply depressing). These Statue of Liberty punchlines will make you want to swim back to Ellis Island immediately.
Why did the Statue of Liberty break up with her boyfriend? Because he took her for granite.
What is the Statue of Liberty’s favorite kind of math? Geo-metry, because she loves her prime location.
Why does nobody play hide and seek in Manhattan? Because good luck hiding when rent is sky-high.
How does the Statue of Liberty stay in shape? She does a lot of intense torchure workouts.
What did the tourist say to the aggressive pigeon? Stop flocking around, I am walking here.
Why did the ghost move to Manhattan? To get some spirited nightlife.
What do you call a happy person in Manhattan? A deeply confused tourist.
Why did the comedian bomb at the Statue of Liberty? His delivery was way too copper.
How do you get a cheap apartment in Manhattan? You simply dream about it.
What is Lady Liberty’s favorite music genre? Heavy metal.
Carbo-Loading on Pizza and Bagel Wordplay in Brooklyn
If you go to Brooklyn and do not eat your weight in carbs, did you even visit? Digest these pizza and bagel puns while waiting in line for a trendy pop-up bakery.
You hold a massive pizza my heart, New York.
I am not playing favorites, but this slice is supreme-ly doughpe.
Do not be a weird-dough, just eat the crust.
This bagel is the hole truth and nothing but the truth.
I am just schmearing joy across the entire borough.
We really need to ketchup over a hot slice.
Any way you slice it, Brooklyn has the best late-night food.
I am lox loaded and ready to eat breakfast.
You are absolutely my everything bagel.
Stop being so cheesy, the locals are staring at us.
This weekend trip is baking me crazy.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
Commuter-Approved NYC Jokes for the Delayed MTA Train
The subway is nature’s cruelest waiting room. Kill time while stranded between stations with these train jokes that are slightly more reliable than the MTA itself.
I am just trying to stay on track with my schedule today.
This commute is really taking a massive toll on my sanity.
I have a strong loco-motive for leaving work early today.
Let us not derail this conversation with facts.
The subway is a fantastic place to express yourself loudly.
I am feeling a bit stationary right now in this tunnel.
Do not let the closing doors crush your hopes and dreams.
I am totally board of waiting for the L train to arrive.
You need to conduct yourself much better in public.
This twenty-minute delay is entirely un-fare.
Let us transfer to a much better mood.
I am strictly going through the motions until my stop.
City Travel Puns for Central Park and Broadway Tourists
Whether you are dodging horse carriages in the park or paying hundreds for nosebleed seats, these city travel puns will secure your status as an annoying tourist.
I am having a park-tacular day among the overpriced hot dog stands.
Let us take a deep bow, that Broadway show was amazing.
I am feeling totally stage struck by these ticket prices.
This vacation is playing a starring role in my bank account’s demise.
I am trying to leaf my worries behind in Central Park.
Just branching out and exploring the Upper West Side today.
You are acting very drama-tic about how much my coffee cost.
I am totally playing the dumb tourist card all weekend.
Let us script a perfectly photogenic weekend getaway.
This chaotic city has really cast a spell on me.
I am absolutely pitch perfect for this Broadway chorus line.
The Empire State Rating of Regret
8.5/10 Cringes. You survived the concrete jungle of wordplay. Now go pay $8 for a stale pretzel, stare blankly at a skyscraper, and think about what you have done.
Frequently Asked Questions About Surviving New York Puns
Why are NYC jokes always so aggressive?
Because they run on four shots of espresso and passive-aggressive walking speeds. You try being polite when rent is this high.
Can I use these Big Apple captions on TikTok?
Only if you want Gen Z to publicly shame you in the comments section. We highly recommend it for the engagement metrics alone.
Are Manhattan jokes actually funny?
Much like a $20 cocktail in a hidden speakeasy, they are completely overrated but you will blindly consume them anyway.
What happens if I tell these to a real New Yorker?
They will simply ignore you, put their headphones back on, and walk slightly faster. It is honestly the highest compliment you can receive in this city.
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
