You made a choice to be here. We respect that, even if we don’t entirely understand it. You are likely under-caffeinated, over-worked, and looking for a caption that will make your followers slightly exhale through their noses.
We have collected a painful amount of wordplay about bean water. This is exactly what the internet was invented for, apparently. Please lower your expectations immediately.
You just woke up and chose chaos. These puns are for that specific time of day when you hate everyone but love your mug. If you need more ammo for the breakfast table, check out our collection of coffee dad jokes which are arguably worse.
I have bean thinking about you a latte.
Better latte than never, I guess.
It is time to rise and grind.
I am going to brew something amazing today.
Don’t worry, be happy (frappe).
Send me the location, I have bean there before.
This morning is already a ground breaking experience.
You are brewing up some trouble.
I am feeling a bit depresso without my cup.
Let us keep this conversation grounded.
You mocha me very happy.
I do not give a frappe.
Everything I do, I do it for brew.
We were meant to bean.
Stop roasting me so early in the morning.
Strong Espresso Puns For Short Tempers
Sometimes a regular cup isn’t enough to numb the pain of existence. These are for the tiny cups that pack a punch. If you prefer the “Dark Side” of the roast, you might also appreciate these Star Wars dad jokes.
Words cannot espresso how tired I am.
Just espresso yourself.
I am taking life one shot at a time.
Do not take it as an insult, it is just a little roast.
I am having a nervous break-down (break-bean?).
That is a tall order for such a small cup.
I am pressing my luck with this espresso.
Avoid the daily grind if you can.
You are grounded for being too bitter.
This anxiety is brewing inside me.
Hit me with your best shot.
I am so-presso excited to see you.
Do not get steamed at me.
Life is what happens between coffee and wine.
Stay grounded even when you are high on caffeine.
Caffeine Puns That Give You The Jitters
The chemical dependency is real. These puns focus on the buzz that keeps society from collapsing. If you are trying to quit the bean and switch to tea, we have some matcha puns that are equally green and cringe.
I think I have a latte problems.
My blood type is just coffee.
I cannot feel my face when I am with brew.
Thanks a latte for ruining my sleep schedule.
I am on the edge of a breakdown.
This energy is totally organic.
Do not mug yourself.
I like big mugs and I cannot lie.
Sip happens, just brew with it.
I am running on empty and caffeine.
Keep your friends close and your barista closer.
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
My patience is wearing thin (roast).
Sleep is for the weak (decaf).
Livin’ la vida mocha.
Sweet & Creamy Coffee Puns
For those of you who basically want a milkshake for breakfast. You put so much sugar in there you might as well pair it with donut valentine puns because health is just a concept anyway.
We are the perfect blend.
Sending you a whole latte love.
You are cream of the crop.
I love you a waffle lot (usually with coffee).
Don’t be chai, say hello.
You sugar-coat everything.
Life is sweet when you are caffeinated.
Whip it good, whip it real good.
You are my sweet heart.
Pour some sugar on me.
A little bit of sweetness goes a long way.
Don’t get salty, get sweet.
Milk it for all it is worth.
You are soy amazing.
Oat milk is the goat (greatest of all time).
Workplace Coffee Humor
The office coffee pot is the saddest place on earth. It is burnt, stale, and the only reason you haven’t quit yet. If you are currently reading this at your desk, these clean funny jokes for work might help you survive the next meeting.
I am working hard or hardly working.
My boss is a real drip.
Let’s hold a meeting to discuss the coffee.
This job is a daily grind.
I am filtering out your negativity.
Perk up, it is almost five.
I need a raise (roast).
That meeting was instant regret.
Corporate life is bitter.
Trying to stay mug-nificent under pressure.
I will process this after my cup.
Don’t talk to me until I have mugged up.
Sending emails and sipping brews.
The breakroom is my sanctuary.
Collaborate and listen (to the coffee machine).
Decaf Jokes For The Weak
Why drink coffee without the fun chemical? We don’t know. But we made jokes about it anyway.
You are dead to me (decaf).
What is the point?
It is like a car without gas.
You are faking it.
Decaf is just brown sadness.
Why bother brewing?
It is an imposter beverage.
You have no grounds to speak.
It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Just drink water.
A hollow shell of a drink.
The ghost of coffee past.
Silence of the yams (wrong pun, still weak).
It lacks character.
Totally depresso.
Caffeinated Names For Pets
You adopted a dog and named it after a beverage. It’s fine. We aren’t judging you out loud.
These names are perfect for anything that runs around your house uncontrollably at 3 AM.
Brew-no Mars
Al Pacino (Cappuccino)
Bean Affleck
Java the Hutt
David Beckham (Brekkie)
Mocha Freeman
Ariana Grande
Joe Jonas
Eddie Veder (Roasted)
Mary Poppins (Perkins)
Scarlett Johansson (Joe)
Justin Timberlake (Tim Hortons)
Kona O’Brien
Sugar Ray
Dolly Parton (Pour-ton)
Corny Morning Coffee Dad Jokes
We asked a dad to write these. He laughed at every single one. If this is your vibe, go read some corny dentist jokes after this.
How does a coffee show its love? It says I love you a latte.
What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What is a barista’s favorite exercise? The French Press.
Why are all Jewish men required to make coffee? Because He Brews.
What do you call a cow who just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
Why did the espresso check his watch? He was pressed for time.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call coffee with a six-pack? A strong brew.
Why do they call coffee mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
What is the best Beatles song for coffee? Latte Be.
Where do birds go for coffee? To the NEST-cafe.
Why did the coffee bean worry? It had a latte problems.
What do you call a coffee that went to Harvard? A smart bean.
What do you call a hard working coffee? A grinder.
Short Morning Coffee Captions for Instagram
You took a photo of your hand holding a mug. Groundbreaking content. Here are the captions to match the energy.
My birthstone is a coffee bean. ☕️
First I drink the coffee, then I do the things. ☠️
Procaffeinating (n) The tendency to not start anything until you’ve had coffee. 📉
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s caffeine. ✨
Humanity runs on coffee and sarcasm. 💅
Coffee is a hug in a mug. 🧸
Life happens, coffee helps. 🩹
I like my coffee like I like my humor. Dark and bitter. 🖤
Today’s forecast 100% chance of coffee. 🌧
Rise and grind. Or just rise. 🛌
The Dregs of The Pot
We have reached the end. The pot is empty and there is just that weird sludge left at the bottom.
Rating of Regret: 10/10 Jitters.
We sincerely hope you found a caption that makes your ex jealous or a pun that makes your dad proud. If you are still here, go drink some water. You are dehydrated.
The Roasted Inquiries
Is coffee technically a soup?
It is a bean broth. So yes. Enjoy your vanilla bean soup.
Why does coffee make me sleepy?
You might have ADHD. Or you are just immune to joy.
Can I freeze coffee?
You can do whatever you want. It will taste like regret, but you can do it.
Is it okay to drink 5 cups a day?
Ask your cardiologist, not a pun website.
What is the strongest coffee?
The one you spill on your white shirt before a meeting.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
