Let’s be honest for a second. You have spent hundreds of hours watching the MCU timeline, and now you are here looking for dad jokes to annoy your friends during the next movie marathon. We respect the hustle. Whether you are Team Cap, Team Iron Man, or just here because you have a crush on Loki, we have scraped the bottom of the creative barrel to bring you this list. It is time to assemble.
We are starting off with the main roster because we have no self-control. These jokes are perfectly balanced, as all things should be, mostly because they are equally terrible.
I think my calendar is a superhero because it always has a lot of dates.
The Avengers are great at hosting parties because they really know how to assemble.
Don’t worry about the Hulk, he is just going through a phase.
I tried to start a superhero business but it just never really took off.
Thanos is actually very optimistic, he always looks at the universe as half full.
Hawkeye always knows where to go because he has great point of view.
Black Widow is terrible at telling secrets because she is a spy-der.
Nick Fury is the most polite spy because he is always giving everyone a hand.
Doctor Strange loves gardening because he has a time-less thumb.
I asked Ant-Man for a small loan but he was a little short.
Scarlet Witch is the best at baseball because she always knows the pitch.
Vision is great at staring contests because he never blinks.
Quicksilver is always late because he thinks he has plenty of time.
The Winter Soldier is great at keeping cool because he has a lot of fans.
Stan Lee is the best at hide and seek because he makes great cameos.
Iron Man Puns That Are Totally Metal
Tony Stark built a suit in a cave with a box of scraps, and all I built was this list of puns. If you love technology or just really rich guys with goatees, this section is for you. Also, if you love mechanical hearts, check out our Heart Puns for more lovey-dovey humor.
Iron Man is great at laundry because he knows how to get the stains out.
Tony Stark’s favorite holiday is Fe-bruary 14th.
I tried to play hide and seek with Iron Man but he was too flashy.
Tony loves to cook because he is an Iron Chef.
Pepper Potts hates sneezes because she is allergic to pepper.
Iron Man’s suit is always wrinkled because he hates ironing.
Tony Stark is the best at math because he is a calcu-later.
The Arc Reactor is great at parties because it really lights up the room.
Jarvis is a great comedian because his delivery is robotic.
Iron Man hates the rain because he gets rusty.
Tony Stark loves carnival rides because he is a ferrous wheel enthusiast.
The Hulk loves Iron Man because he is a smashing friend.
War Machine is great at telling stories because he has a tank full of them.
Tony never gets lost because he has a magnetic personality.
I asked Iron Man for a dollar but he only had cents.
Spider-Man Puns To Get You Tangled Up
Peter Parker is basically the patron saint of nervous energy and bad jokes. If you are into bugs or just wearing spandex in Queens, these jokes will stick with you. Speaking of vision, keep your eyes peeled for our Eye Puns if your Spidey senses are tingling.
Spider-Man is great at baseball because he catches flies.
Peter Parker is a great web developer because he loves sites.
Spidey is terrible at poker because he has a tell-tale twitch.
I asked Spider-Man to fix my computer but he just spent all day on the web.
Mary Jane loves Peter because he really knows how to hang out.
Spider-Man loves corn because he enjoys cob-webs.
The Green Goblin is so jealous because he is green with envy.
Doc Ock is great at multitasking because he has a lot on his hands.
Peter Parker is a bad driver because he always spins out.
Spider-Man loves eating at French restaurants because he loves crepes.
Uncle Ben loves rice because it is Uncle Ben’s.
Sandman is great at sleeping because he brings the sand.
Mysterio is hard to understand because he is so mist-y.
Vulture is great at recycling because he is a scavenger.
Electro is shocking because he has a spark.
Thor Jokes Keep It Low-Key
We considered making these jokes worthy, but we settled for making them mildly amusing. If you like thunder, hammers, or sibling rivalry, welcome to Asgard.
Thor’s favorite food is Thor-tillas.
Loki hates the internet because everyone keeps trolling him.
Odin is terrible at sharing because he has one eye on everything.
Heimdall sees everything because he has great vision.
Thor loves to party because he brings the thunder.
Mjolnir is a great comedian because it always hits the nail on the head.
Loki is a bad musician because he is always low-key.
Asgard is great for vacations because it is out of this world.
Hela is bad at hair styling because she has a lot of points.
Thor’s favorite day of the week is Thurs-day.
The Hulk loves Thor because he is a smashing god.
Valkyrie is great at drinking contests because she can hold her ale.
Korg is a great friend because he is a rock solid guy.
Thor is bad at stealth because he is too loud.
Jane Foster loves astronomy because she needs space.
Guardians Of The Galaxy Puns That Are Out Of This World
It is time to go to space with a tree, a raccoon, and a guy who loves 80s music. If you have a trash panda in your life, you might also like our Raccoon Puns and Rat Puns.
Groot is a great poet because he always leaves you stumped.
Rocket Raccoon is great at math because he is a whiz kid.
Star-Lord is a bad singer because he is always off key.
Drax is terrible at hide and seek because he thinks he is invisible.
Gamora is green because she is eco-friendly.
Nebula is always angry because she has a chip on her shoulder.
Mantis is great at therapy because she really feels you.
Yondu is a great whistler because he has perfect pitch.
The Milano is a great ship because it has a lot of space.
Ego is a bad dad because he is full of himself.
Groot loves breakfast because he eats tree-t.
Rocket loves garbage because he is a trash panda.
Star-Lord loves listening to music because he has a tape deck.
Drax loves knives because he is sharp.
Gamora loves swords because she is on the edge.
Superhero Pet Names For Your Little Avenger
If you just adopted a cat and named it Steve Rogers, we are judging you, but we also support you. Here are some names for your furry sidekicks.
Cat-tain America
Tony Bark
Spider-Ham
Black Panther (for a dog)
Thor-g
Loki-cat
Hulk-ster
Doctor Strange-cat
Scarlet Bitch (female dog)
Ant-Man (for a small dog)
Wasp (for a spicy cat)
Groot (for a stick insect)
Rocket (for a hamster)
Star-Lord (for a bird)
Thanos (for a chonky cat)
Comic Book Dad Jokes & Q&A
These jokes are cleaner than Captain America’s language. Use them sparingly or you might get snapped out of existence by your friends.
What is Thor’s favorite kind of clothes? Thor-underwear.
Why did Spider-Man join the swim team? He had webbed feet.
What is Iron Man’s favorite amusement park ride? The ferrous wheel.
Why did Captain America cross the road? To get to the other side of the war.
What is the Hulk’s favorite drink? Fruit punch.
Why is Thanos so good at Snapchat? Because the snaps disappear in a flash.
What does Tony Stark eat for breakfast? Iron Bran.
Why did Black Widow break up with Hawkeye? He missed the point.
What is Doctor Strange’s favorite subject? Spell-ing.
Why is Ant-Man so good at video games? He knows all the cheats.
How does the Black Panther like his steak? Rare.
What is Groot’s favorite math subject? Geo-me-tree.
Why did Star-Lord get kicked out of the choir? He couldn’t hold a tune.
What is Deadpool’s favorite letter? X.
Why did the Avengers hire a handyman? To fix the plot holes.
Short Spider-Man Captions For Instagram
You dressed up in the suit, now you need a caption that isn’t totally embarrassing. Well, maybe a little embarrassing.
Hanging out with my neighborhood friends. 🕸️
Just your friendly neighborhood weirdo. 🕷️
With great power comes great need for a nap. 😴
Caught in a web of lies (and snacks). 🍕
My Spidey senses are tingling… or I’m just hungry. 🍔
Web-slinging into the weekend like… 🤸
I don’t need a parachute, I have webs. 🕸️
Feeling fly today. 🪰
Just hanging around. 🙃
Not all heroes wear capes, some wear spandex. 🦸♂️
The Endgame Of Puns
We have reached the end of the line. If you made it this far, you are either a superfan or you are incredibly bored at work. We rate these puns a solid 9/10 cringes. If you are still hungry for more geeky humor, teleport over to our Star Trek Dad Jokes or Star Wars Dad Jokes.
The Multiverse Of Frequently Asked Questions
What is the funniest Marvel pun?
Honestly, it’s a toss-up between “Thor-ough” and “Low-key.” They are classics for a reason.
Are these puns canon in the MCU?
Absolutely not. If Tony Stark heard these, he would probably buy the website just to delete it.
Can I use these for my t-shirt design?
You can try, but Disney lawyers have eyes everywhere. We recommend sticking to birthday cards.
Who is the funniest Avenger?
Thor, specifically in Ragnarok. Or Ant-Man when he is doing close-up magic.
Do you have more superhero jokes?
We have plenty. Check out the links above or just wait for the next reboot of this article in five years.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
