Look, we know why you are here. You forgot to buy a card for your dad, your boss, or that one friend who makes their entire personality about swinging metal sticks at a tiny ball. Now you need to scribble something funny inside a blank card before the party starts. We aren’t here to judge you. We are just here to provide the ammunition.
These puns are bad. They are painful. They are exactly what you deserve for procrastinating. If you think these are rough, you should see our Pickleball Jokes which are honestly a different kind of hazard. Let’s get this over with.
You are getting older. Your back hurts. Your swing is getting shorter. But hey, at least you can still drive a cart. Here are some generic ways to say “Happy Birthday” without actually being sincere.
Have a tee-rific birthday filled with birdies and beers.
I hope your birthday is up to par this year.
You are the best by par, even if your scorecard disagrees.
Let’s par-tee like we made the cut.
Don’t worry about your age, it is just a number on the scorecard.
You are un-fore-gettable, mostly because of those pants.
Have a ball on your birthday, just try not to lose it.
May your birthday be a hole-in-one experience.
It is time to swing into a new year of life.
I wanted to get you a gift, but I didn’t want to go over par on the budget.
You are looking green for your age.
Hope your day is full of fairways and cake.
Let’s club together and buy you a drink.
You really drive me crazy with all this birthday excitement.
Have a smashing good time on the course.
Putting Around With Short Game Humor
The short game is where friendships end and putters get thrown into lakes. If the birthday boy or girl can’t putt to save their life, these jokes will remind them of their failures.
I like big putts and I cannot lie.
Stop putting around and blow out the candles.
It takes a lot of balls to golf like you do.
You are my favorite putter half.
Don’t let the gray hair stroke your ego.
You have really mastered the art of the three-putt.
Let’s talk about your grip on reality.
I’m just here for the putt-luck dinner after the round.
Your putting game is a total drag.
Just tap it in. It’s your birthday, no need to choke.
Reading the green is harder when your eyes are this old.
You are the king of the pin.
Keep your eye on the ball, or at least try to focus.
That shot was a stroke of genius (accidental).
Nice approach, but let’s work on the follow-through.
Driving Range Jokes for Getting Old
They say drive for show and putt for dough, but we all know you just want to hit the ball as hard as possible to release pent-up aggression. If you need more dad-level energy, check out our Coffee Dad Jokes because you will need caffeine for that 6 AM tee time.
You drive me up the wall with your golf obsession.
Have a driving force of a birthday.
Keep on swinging until something pops.
You are a fairway to heaven.
It is a long drive to retirement from here.
Let’s iron out the details for your party.
You really know how to wood a crowd.
Don’t lose your head cover over getting older.
That drive was slices of perfection.
You have got a lot of shaft flex for an old guy.
Stay out of the woods this year.
You are the driver of your own destiny (and golf cart).
Hit it long and prosper.
Your age is soaring like a sky ball.
May your drives be straight and your back be pain-free.
Water Hazard Puns That Make A Splash
If your ball spends more time swimming than flying, these are for you. Also, if you actually like water animals, go look at our Otter Love Puns instead of reading this garbage.
Water you doing in the lake again?
This round is going swimmingly.
Don’t be a beach, get out of the sand.
I am drowning in emotion for your birthday.
You are sinking faster than a Top-Flite in a pond.
That shot was a total wash.
Lets pool our resources for a new set of clubs.
You are making a splash in the senior league.
Keep your head above water.
Stop fishing for compliments.
You really tanked that last hole.
It is just a little water under the bridge.
Don’t be shallow, buy the expensive beer.
Your game is a wet mess.
Float like a butterfly, sink like a rock.
The 19th Hole and Food Puns
The only reason anyone plays 18 holes is to eat greasy food and drink afterwards. If you want more food humor, we have a whole menu of Pizza Puns that are cheesier than your dad’s jokes.
Let’s get sliced at the clubhouse.
This party is going to be a hole lot of fun.
I am here for the club sandwich.
Don’t go hungry on the back nine.
We represent the beer cart coalition.
Cheers to beers and bogeys.
You are the toast of the clubhouse.
Let’s taco ’bout your handicap.
Serving up looks and links.
I’m on a strictly liquid diet today.
Chip in for the nachos.
You are looking snack-tacular in that polo.
Let’s getting saucy after the round.
Time to wine down after that double bogey.
Eat, drink, and be bogey.
Golf Jokes regarding Love and Friendship
If you love someone enough to walk 5 miles carrying a heavy bag with them, that is true commitment.
I love you more than I hate sand traps.
We are the perfect pair-ing.
You are my cup of tea.
I will never leave you in the rough.
Our friendship is a hole-in-one.
You really suit me to a tee.
I am hooked on you.
We have a link that cannot be broken.
You are my favorite hazard.
I’d choose you over a mulligan any day.
Let’s stick together like velcro on a glove.
You are the sweet spot in my life.
I am lovin’ every minute of this round.
You make my heart flutter like a flagstick in the wind.
My love for you is course-ing through my veins.
Hilarious Names for Your Golf Clubs
You name your car. You might as well name the clubs you intend to throw into the woods later.
Putter Pan
Tiger Hoods
The Shank Redemption
Iron Man
Leonardo Di Capri-hole
Fairway Sinatra
Sir Shanks-a-Lot
Bogey Wan Kenobi
Happy Gilmore
The Terminator (because it kills your score)
Woody
Darth Vader (the dark side of the course)
Clubber Lang
Marlon Brando (The Golf-father)
SpongeBob SquarePants (lives in the water)
Corny Golfing Dad Jokes (Q&A Style)
Dads love golf because it is the only place they can wear ugly shorts and nobody calls the police. Here are some groaners.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance? The Bogey.
Why was the golfer arrested? He was caught clubbing.
What do you call a lion playing golf? Roarin’ McIlroy.
Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
What is the easiest shot in golf? The fourth putt.
Why didn’t the skeleton play golf? His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a ghost on the golf course? A bogey man.
Why are golf balls small and white? Because golf eggs would break.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore.
Why did the golfer wear a helmet? He was afraid of the swing.
What do you call a wizard who plays golf? Harry Putter.
Why did the golfer yell at his ball? He wanted some peace and quiet.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird? Any bird that isn’t a bogey.
Why did the golfer go to the bank? To get his green fees.
Short Golf Captions for Instagram
You need to prove you went outside today. Slap one of these on your blurry photo of the fairway so your followers know you are “athletic.”
I like big putts and I cannot lie ⛳️
Just here for the beer cart 🍺
It takes a lot of balls to golf like me 🏌️♂️
Scanning the green for a miracle 👀
My swing is a work in progress (mostly regression) 📉
Born to golf, forced to work 💼
Designated driver on the tee box 🚗
Kiss my putt 😘
Living on island time (in the sand trap) 🏖️
Par-don my French 🤬
The 18th Hole of Regret
We have reached the end of the course. You have your puns and also have your captions and probably still haven’t bought the gift. We rate this experience a solid double bogey on the cringe scale. If you are still looking for ways to annoy your friends with bad humor, go check out our Star Wars Dad Jokes because the force is definitely not strong with this one.
Go write the card. We are done here.
The Caddie’s Confusing Questions
You have questions. We have answers that are barely helpful.
What do you write in a golfer’s birthday card?
Write “I hope your birthday is better than your handicap.” It is mean, accurate, and saves you from having to be sentimental.
What is a funny quote for golf?
“Golf is a good walk spoiled.” It is a classic because it is true. You walk around, hit a ball, get angry, and then do it again.
How do you say Happy Birthday in golf terms?
“Have a tee-rific birthday.” Yes, it is terrible. That is why you are on this website.
What do you call a bad golfer?
Usually, you just call them “Dad.” Or you can say they are “sub-par” in the bad way.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
