You have been on your feet for twelve hours. You have been yelled at by patients, ignored by doctors, and you are pretty sure that stain on your scrubs is not chocolate pudding. We see you. We appreciate you. And honestly, we don’t know why you are reading this instead of sleeping.
But since you are here, we have compiled a list of funny jokes for nurses that are almost as painful as a missed IV stick. We apologize in advance for the sheer lack of professionalism in this post. Please do not chart this behavior.
You finally have five minutes to sit down before someone hits the call button again. Here are some jokes to read while you inhale your lukewarm lunch.
IV got a feeling today is going to be a long day.
We need to handle this situation with patience.
Being a nurse is a work of heart.
I found this job strictly by accident.
That x-ray tech is very hip.
Please don’t test my patients.
I am afraid I have some bad news.
You are safe because I am a trained professional.
Nursing is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.
I hope you find these jokes humerus.
You have to be kidney me right now.
That patient is really vein.
I think I need a shot of espresso.
The phlebotomist is here to draw some conclusions.
It is going to be okay in the end.
Funny Medical Jokes About Anatomy
The human body is a miracle. It is also gross, weird, and occasionally hilarious. Here are some medical jokes about the bones and organs you deal with daily.
The skeleton could not help it, he was bone to be wild.
I have a gut feeling about this diagnosis.
The brain said it was a no-brainer.
I kneed to know if you are tibia honest with me.
The lungs said they needed some air time.
The heart said he would beat you to it.
The bladder is just pissed off.
The stomach cannot digest what just happened.
The liver is a de-liver-er of bad toxins.
The eyes said they could see clearly now.
The ear said to just hear him out.
The nose knows it smells trouble.
The spine said I got your back.
The skin said I got you covered.
The appendix said I feel useless.
Caffeinated Puns for the Night Shift
If you work the night shift, you run on caffeine and spite. If you need more buzz, check out our coffee dad jokes. In the meantime, here is some humor for the sleep-deprived.
I love you a latte, nurse.
This shift is brewing up some trouble.
I have been mugged by the night shift.
Espresso yourself before you wreck yourself.
I am running on fumes and beans.
Better latte than never for rounds.
I am looking for the ground floor.
This coffee is a lifesaver.
Don’t roast me for being tired.
I am soymote from sanity right now.
Take life one cup at a time.
I am pressed for time.
Words cannot espresso how tired I am.
I have a filtered opinion on night shifts.
Let’s pour over these charts.
Nursing Student Puns for the Stressed
To the students who haven’t slept since 2022, we salute you. These nursing student puns are for everyone currently crying over their textbooks.
I am studying so hard I am losing my mind.
Clinicals are a real pain in the neck.
I am booked for the weekend.
This exam is going to be killer.
I have got class.
I am just winging this anatomy test.
I am totally board certified in panic.
It is a suture self situation.
I am degree-ing with you.
Trying to pass out from exhaustion.
I am in a serious relationship with my textbooks.
The library is my new residence.
Just trying to make the grade.
I am a pro at procrastination.
This tuition is a bit steep.
Doctor Puns for the Hierarchy
We know who really runs the hospital. Here are some doctor puns you can whisper at the nurse’s station when the residents mess up.
The doctor is always right? Yeah, right.
He thinks he is a real cut up.
That surgeon has a sharp wit.
The pediatrician has little patience.
The dermatologist made a rash decision.
The cardiologist missed a beat.
The neurologist has a lot of nerve.
The psychiatrist lost his mind.
The podiatrist found his footing.
The optometrist has a good outlook.
The dentist knows the drill.
The radiologist can see right through you.
The anesthesiologist is a snooze fest.
The urologist is number one.
The doctor is out of order.
Needle and Syringe Puns
Nobody likes getting poked, but it is literally your job. If you had a rough day sticking veins, maybe read some pizza puns and order takeout.
I am stuck on you.
Let’s get straight to the point.
I think you missed the point.
This is a sharp object.
Don’t be a prick.
I am just poking fun.
We need to inject some humor.
That joke was a little pointless.
I am feeling a little drained.
It is just a little pinch.
You are looking sharp today.
I am ready to stick it to the man.
The vaccine was a shot in the dark.
I am drawing a blank.
Just a little prick.
Funny Names for Hospital Units
If you could rename the floors based on what actually happens there, this is what they would be called.
The ICU (Intensive Care Unit)
The ER (Eternally Running)
The OR (Organ Recital)
The PICU (Pick U Up Later)
The NICU (New Infant Crying Unit)
The PACU (Post Anesthesia Confusion Unit)
Labor and Delivery (The Screaming Room)
Psych (The Real World)
Radiology (The Dark Room)
Oncology (The Hope Hub)
Cardiology (The Heart Break Hotel)
Neurology (The Brain Trust)
Orthopedics ( The Bone Yard)
Pediatrics (The Small World)
Geriatrics (The Golden Girls)
Corny Medical Q&A Dad Jokes
Here are some quick questions and answers for when you need to distract a patient from the giant needle in your hand.
Why did the nurse bring a red crayon to work? In case she had to draw blood.
Why did the bacteria cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.
Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood.
What did the balloon say to the nurse? I feel lightheaded.
Why do nurses bring string to work? To tie up loose ends.
What is a nurse’s favorite type of dog? A laboratory retriever.
Why did the nurse loose her job? She kept misplacing her patience.
How do you cure a headache? Put your head through a window and the pane will disappear.
Why did the germ cross the road? To infect the other side.
What do you call a nurse who is always on time? Spot on.
Short Nurse Captions for Instagram
You look cute in your scrubs and the world needs to know. Use these captions after a 12-hour shift.
Scrubs, coffee, and dry shampoo. ☕️
Nurse: A title just above queen. 👑
I can’t fix stupid, but I can sedate it. 💉
Cute enough to stop your heart, skilled enough to restart it. 💔
Safety first, drink with a nurse. 🍷
Living that scrub life. 🩺
Coffee, scrubs, and rubber gloves. 🧤
Nursing is a work of heart. ❤️
Too cool for med school. 😎
Shift happens. 🏥
Discharge Papers: The Regret Rating
We have reached the end of this shift. If you read all of these puns, we assume you are delirious from lack of sleep. We rate these jokes a solid 9/10 Cringes on the pain scale.
If you are still conscious, go check out some other disasters on our site. Or go to sleep. You look like you need it.
The Chart Notes (FAQ)
Here are the questions people keep asking us, for some reason.
Why do nurses have such dark humor?
It is a coping mechanism. If we didn’t laugh at the fluids, we would cry about the paperwork.
What is the hardest part of nursing school?
Probably the part where you have to learn how to keep a straight face when a patient explains how that object got stuck up there.
Do doctors actually eat apples?
Only if they are trying to keep themselves away.
Are these jokes HIPAA compliant?
Yes, because they reveal absolutely no intelligent information whatsoever.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
