Look, we know why you are here. You have a caffeine dependency that borders on a medical issue, and you need to annoy your coworkers before the morning meeting starts. It is a toxic combination, but we respect the hustle. Whether you are avoiding a breakdown or just trying to distract yourself from the fact that you switched from matcha puns back to the hard stuff, we have you covered. We apologize in advance for what you are about to read.
Top Tier funny coffee jokes to spill on your friends
We are starting with the absolute basics. These are the jokes you find printed on the side of a mug at a discount store. If these do not make you cringe, you might already be too caffeinated to function.
I did not choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.
Better latte than never, but never latte is better.
I have been thinking about you a latte lately.
This coffee tastes like mud because it was ground this morning.
Avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people because it can spark a heated debate.
My barista is my favorite person because she is full of perks.
We make the perfect blend of friends.
I am going to brew up some trouble today.
Do not make fun of the coffee because it has fillings too.
She decided to espresso her feelings in a letter.
The coffee tasted like dirt because it was ground just minutes ago.
Every morning I look for the brewness in the world.
Just brew it and stop complaining.
I am not addicted to coffee, we are just in a committed relationship.
Living life on the edge of the coffee cup.
A shot of espresso pun humor for the weak
Sometimes a regular coffee just does not cut it and you need concentrated regret. These are for the people who drink espresso and vibrate through time and space. It is a chaotic energy, kind of like opossum puns, but with more heart palpitations.
I am feeling a little depresso without my morning shot.
Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
My anxiety levels are espresso-ing themselves loudly.
That was a depresso episode in my life.
Hit me with your best shot of espresso.
I am taking life one shot at a time.
Do not get upset, just espresso yourself calmly.
This relationship is based on grounds of espresso.
I have no filter when I drink espresso.
That tiny cup holds a massive amount of steam.
I am sorry for what I said before my espresso.
It is time to press on with the day.
Small cup, big dreams.
He got into a fight and got grounded.
I will take a double shot of confidence, please.
Early morning coffee puns for the undead
Waking up is terrible. Nobody actually enjoys it except maybe morning people, and we do not trust them. If you wake up growling like the subject of our bear puns, these jokes are your safe space.
Rise and grind because the rent is due.
I am not a morning person, I am a mourning person until coffee.
My birthstone is a coffee bean.
Waking up is a tall order without caffeine.
I like my mornings how I like my jokes, dark and bitter.
Caffeine is the only thing keeping me from unraveling.
I run on caffeine and chaos every AM.
Just a zombie looking for some life juice.
Don’t speak to me until the mug is empty.
First I drink the coffee, then I do the things.
Morning rule number one is to sip happens.
The early bird gets the worm, but I get the dark roast.
Trying to function without coffee is a pour decision.
Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without a cup.
Dad jokes about coffee and milk that are dairy bad
Adding milk to coffee is a great way to dilute the bitterness of life. It creates a creamy beverage that pairs surprisingly well with otter love puns because both are soft, sweet, and slightly unnecessary.
I made a mistake and now I am in deep lotto trouble.
You are cream of the crop.
That barista is milk-ing it for all it is worth.
I have a whole latte love for you.
This coffee is udderly delicious.
Quit foam-ing at the mouth and drink up.
It is a brewtiful day for a latte.
Can I ask you a question or is it too personal?
Do not cry over spilled milk, cry over spilled coffee.
This latte art is a stroke of genius.
I am foaming with excitement.
You are the cream in my coffee.
Let us not skim over the details.
I like big mugs and I cannot lie.
Thanks a latte for being my friend.
Steamy puns to brew up some romance
Dating is awkward. Coffee dates are awkward. Why not make it worse with bad wordplay? If you have already used up all our frog love puns and are still single, try these caffeinated pickup lines.
We are meant to bean together forever.
You keep me grounded when life gets crazy.
I like you a latte, more than you know.
You are looking hot today.
Let us stir up some romance.
You mocha me crazy.
I cannot espresso my love for you.
We are the perfect blend.
Sending you a whole lot of love and caffeine.
You roast my heart in the best way.
Where have you bean all my life?
I am strictly dating hot beverages now.
Let’s grab coffee and see what brews.
My heart beats faster when you are near.
You are steaming hot.
Nerdy roasts for the sci-fi crowd
There is a large overlap between people who drink excessive amounts of coffee and people who argue about space movies. Whether you prefer Star Trek dad jokes or Star Wars dad jokes, there is a bean joke here for you.
May the froth be with you.
Java the Hutt wants his coffee black.
Luke, I am your fodder.
Beam me up, Scotty, I need a refill.
The Empire Strikes Black.
Darth Vader likes his coffee on the dark side.
Starship Enterprise runs on dark roast.
Obi-Wan Kenobi says hello there.
Live long and prosper with caffeine.
Resistance is futile without coffee.
R2-Decaf is not the droid we are looking for.
The Force is strong with this brew.
Millennium Falcon makes the Kessel run in 12 sips.
To bold-ly brew where no man has brewed before.
Attack of the Scones.
Grinding out the worst puns possible
Coffee beans are technically seeds of a fruit, which means they are plants. If you enjoy dirty plant puns, you will appreciate this section about grinding, roasting, and being a general nuisance.
That joke is a has-bean.
Cool beans, man.
I have bean thinking about this all day.
Stop roasting me so hard.
I am just going through the daily grind.
Do not spill the beans to anyone.
It is a fine grind between love and hate.
You are grounded for a week.
Human beans need caffeine to survive.
I am giving it my best shot.
Let us get down to the nitty gritty.
This is grounds for divorce.
You are full of beans today.
Keep your nose to the grindstone.
I have bean there, done that.
Caffeinated Names for Pets
Did you get a new pet and decide to name it after a beverage? How original. Since you are likely browsing capybara puns for exotic pet ideas, here are some names that will confuse your vet.
Bean (Classic, boring)
Mocha (For brown dogs)
Java (Computer nerd pet)
Kona (Sounds expensive)
Espresso (For small, shaky dogs)
Latte (Basic cat name)
Brewski (Frat dog)
Dunkin (Runs on America)
Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica fan)
Roasty (Weird choice)
Barista (Too human)
Frappe (Fluffy dog)
Maxwell (Good to the last drop)
Folger (The best part of waking up)
Cappuccino (Cappy for short)
Classic Coffee Dad Joke Q&A
Here are the jokes formatted specifically for you to read off your phone while your family ignores you. They are as painful as bad pickleball jokes but with more liquid courage.
What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso.
How does a coffee say hello? What is brewing?
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a cow who just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
What happens if you touch coffee? You get grounded.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the coffee bean worry? He had a latte problems.
What is a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press.
Why did the coffee call a timeout? It needed a mug shot.
Short Captions for your mug shots
You took a picture of your hand holding a cup. Groundbreaking content. If you need something witty to distract from the fact that you are just reading book title puns in a cafe to look smart, use these.
Procaffeinating: The tendency to not start anything until I have had coffee. ☕️
My birthstone is a coffee bean. 🫘
Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee. ☕️
Just a girl standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut and coffee. 🍩
Drink coffee and do good things. ✨
Life happens, coffee helps. ☕️
Depresso: The feeling you get when you run out of coffee. 😩
First I drink the coffee, then I do the things. 📝
Espresso yourself. 💁♀️
Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee. 💼
The Bottom of the Pot
We have reached the end, and honestly, we are jittery just from writing this. If you are still reading, we assume you are procrastinating on something important, like learning puns about knitting or doing your taxes.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 Cringes. Go drink some water. You look dehydrated. Or, if you want to keep the headache going, read our bee puns and buzz off.
Frequently Asked Caffeinated Questions
Is coffee technically a soup?
No, and please stop trying to sound deep. It is a bean broth at best. If you put croutons in it, we are calling the police.
Why does coffee make me sleepy?
You might have ADHD, or you might just be broken. We are not doctors, we just write jokes on the internet.
Can I freeze coffee?
You can, but why? Just drink it. Do not complicate things. You are not a scientist.
What is the strongest coffee?
The one you drink three minutes before a meeting where you have to present bad news. That one hits different.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
