Welcome to the corporate grind. If you are reading this it means you are currently avoiding a spreadsheet or hiding in the bathroom to preserve your sanity. We get it. The fluorescent lights are humming and the coffee tastes like battery acid. You need a distraction before you accidentally reply all with your inner monologue. We have compiled a list of puns so bad they might actually make your 3 PM slump worse.
The workload is heavy and the motivation is nonexistent. It is truly un-bear-able sometimes (speaking of which you should check out our bear puns if you really want to suffer). Here are some jokes about the daily struggle of pretending to work.
I am currently excel-ing at pretending to work.
This job is soda-pressing sometimes.
I have a stationary job because I never move from this chair.
My career is like a pencil because it has no point.
I quit my job at the helium factory because I refused to be spoken to in that tone.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I used to be a baker but I couldn’t make enough dough.
Working in a mirror factory is something I could really see myself doing.
I got fired from the calendar factory for taking a day off.
My keyboard and I are clicking because we are just that type.
I am reading a book on anti-gravity because it is impossible to put down.
The scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
I have no idea what I am doing but I will fake it until I make it.
Our team is like a software update because we run into issues constantly.
I told my boss three companies were after me and they were the gas company the electric company and the phone company.
Caffeinated Comedy for The Break Room
The break room is the only sanctuary where you can stare at a wall for five minutes without judgment. If you are fueled entirely by bean water you might appreciate these. If you need more buzz we actually have a whole list of coffee dad jokes too.
I do not have a problem with caffeine I have a problem without it.
My birthstone is a coffee bean.
I like my coffee like I like my meetings which is short.
Depresso is the feeling you get when you run out of coffee.
Better latte than never regarding that deadline.
I am going to need you to be a little more frappe about this.
Words cannot espresso how much I need a nap.
Keep your friends close and your coffee closer.
I brewed up some trouble in the kitchen.
Don’t worry be frappe.
I have been grounded like fresh coffee.
This meeting is a total grind.
Sip happens when you are clumsy.
I am mugging you for your caffeine.
Thanks a latte for doing my job.
Coworker Jokes for Your Work Bestie
You have that one coworker who listens to your vents and sends you memes during the all-hands meeting. This section is for them. It is all about the “teamwork” that makes the dream work (or makes you want to scream).
We make a great pear of employees.
You are the sheeth to my excel.
Let’s taco ’bout how much we want to go home (and maybe get tacos later).
We are stuck together like glue.
You are a cut above the rest.
Thanks for being my partner in crime.
We really clicked right away.
You auto-complete me.
We are on the same page.
You bring a lot to the table.
I would go nuts without you here.
We are totally sync-ed up.
You are font-tastic.
Let’s get this bread and then go to bed.
You are the highlight of my day.
Zoom Puns That Could Have Been An Email
Virtual meetings are the modern form of torture. You are just staring at your own face wondering why your hair looks like that. Here are jokes to read while your camera is off and you are eating snacks.
I am on mute but I am screaming.
Nice to e-meet you.
Can you hear me now.
I think you are on mute.
Let’s take this offline.
My connection is unstable and so am I.
I have zoom fatigue.
Please unmute yourself.
My camera is shy today.
I am just here for the bandwidth.
Let’s circle back.
I will ping you.
Screen sharing is caring.
Virtual backgrounds hide the mess.
You are freezing up.
Work Appropriate Jokes About Hardly Working
Sometimes you just hit a wall. Productivity is a myth and procrastination is a lifestyle. If you feel like your brain is slowly unraveling (kind of like our knitting puns) then this list is for you.
I am working hard or hardly working.
I put the pro in procrastinate.
I am currently out of office mentally.
My ambition went on vacation.
I am strictly on energy saving mode.
I am buffering please wait.
Error 404 motivation not found.
I am allergic to mornings.
I am running on fumes and spite.
My brain has too many tabs open.
I need a six month holiday twice a year.
I am busy doing nothing.
I have a degree in looking busy.
My to-do list is haunting me.
Deadlines are just suggestions.
Tech Support Puns for When The Wifi Crashes
If you have ever tried turning it off and on again you are basically an IT professional. Computers are great until they aren’t. These puns are safer than clicking a suspicious link in your spam folder.
My computer has a chip on its shoulder.
I think my mouse is a trap.
The wifi is down and I am panicking.
I lost my memory so I bought a USB.
I am stuck in a web of lies.
My hard drive is soft hearted.
I need to clear my cache.
The server is down with the sickness.
I am afraid of the net.
Don’t push my buttons.
I have a love hate relationship with my PC.
My laptop is running hot.
Data entry is boring.
I am coding my life away.
The internet is broken so I am going outside.
Payday Puns for The Broke Corporate Slave
We do not do this for fun we do this for funds. Waiting for that direct deposit to hit is the only thing keeping society from collapsing. If you are counting pennies you might like these.
I am broke but woke.
Money talks but mine says goodbye.
I am banking on a miracle.
My wallet is like an onion because opening it makes me cry.
I am in a taxing relationship with the government.
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
I am saving up for a rainy day.
My credit score is a mystery.
I invested in balloons but inflation is high.
I am losing interest in this bank.
Cash me outside how about that.
I have got my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
I am making cents of it all.
Budgeting is just planned poverty.
I need a loan purely for snacks.
Funny Names for Office Supplies
We named the stapler. It is the only thing that listens to us. Here are some names for the inanimate objects you spend 40 hours a week with.
Justin Case (The backup file)
Barb Dwyer (The angry HR lady)
Terry Cloth (The janitor)
Phil McCracken (The plumber… actually we have plumber jokes for that)
Al B. Back (The guy always on break)
Jim Shorts (The casual Friday guy)
Sarah Bellum (The smart one)
Chris P. Bacon ( The guy eating lunch)
Paige Turner (The reader)
Bill Board (The marketing guy)
Anna Lytical (The data analyst)
Artie Choke (The lunch thief)
Sal A. Mander (The slippery boss)
Mark Z. Spot (The perfectionist)
Robin Banks (The CEO)
Corny Work Dad Jokes
These are clean. They are safe. They will make your team groan in agony during the stand-up meeting.
Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory
He took a day off
Why did the can crusher quit his job
It was soda pressing
Why are elevator jokes so good
They work on many levels
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet
Supplies
How does a penguin build its house
Igloos it together
Why did the coffee file a police report
It got mugged
What do you call a factory that makes okay products
A satisfactory
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer
He couldn’t see himself doing it
What happens when you wear a watch on a plane
Time flies
Why did the math book look sad
It had too many problems
What is a lawyer’s favorite drink
Subpoena colada
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself
It was two tired
What did one wall say to the other
I’ll meet you at the corner
Why did the picture go to jail
It was framed
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear
Sneakers
Short Office Captions for Instagram
You need to prove you have a job but you also need to prove you hate it. Here are some captions for your story.
Running on caffeine and ambition ☕
I wish I was retired 🌴
Another day another dollar 💸
Meeting that could have been an email 📧
Office vibes only 🏢
Please do not disturb 🚫
Living for the weekend 🥂
Hardly working today 😴
Corporate life chose me 👔
Is it Friday yet 📅
The Permanent Out of Office Reply
We have reached the end of the shift. This post has officially clocked out. We apologize for the lack of productivity this may have caused you but honestly you were not going to finish that report anyway.
Rating of Regret: 9/10 HR Violations
Next Step: Go look at some dirty plant puns if you want to leave the clean jokes behind.
The HR Investigation Room
Why did you write this?
Because misery loves company and we need ad revenue to pay our own rent.
Are these jokes actually funny?
Funny is subjective. HR finds them concerning. We find them necessary for survival.
Can I say these to my boss?
You can do anything you want but we are not legally responsible if you get fired.
Do you have any more distractions?
Yes click literally any link on this page and waste more time.
The Person To Blame
Umer | Chief Regret Officer
Umer is the founder of PunSpill and a certified disappointment to his high school guidance counselor. He spends his days writing puns that make people groan and his nights arguing with Gerald, his emotional support opossum (and Head of HR).
He created this website because his friends muted him in the group chat. If you hated this article, please direct your complaints to the opossum; he handles the shredding.
I'm Umer. He's Gerald. I write the bad jokes; he handles the complaints (by sleeping). We created PunSpill so you have something to send your friends to annoy them. Read the full confession here.
